Rating: 8/20 (Jen: Did not finish)
Plot: Abraham Lincoln hunts vampires with an ax.
This movie was mostly really boring and the special effects were bad enough to make me wonder if any of this really happened. There's a climactic forty-five minute action sequence that takes place on a train that defies physics and every single other thing that can be defied, and the only reason it didn't seem like the silliest thing ever to me was because I had seen characters throwing horses at each other in an earlier scene. Timur Bekmambetov directed this. I know him from Night Watch, a movie with a look I hated so much that I had to fast-forward through most of it. This whole thing just looks greasy to me, and the guy who played the titular president--Benjamin Walker--didn't look Lincolny enough. I can't believe he won the Best Actor Academy Award for his work in this although I will admit one thing--dude can swing an ax.
Here's why this whole experience was worth it to me:
Me: Jen, do you want to watch a movie with me?
Jen: What movie?
Me: Lincoln.
Jen: Sure.
I was sneaky and made sure she didn't catch a glimpse of the menu screen, and there wasn't a title screen for this movie either. So it took my wife 11 minutes and 39 seconds to figure out that this wasn't the Academy Award nominated Lincoln and was "the one with vampires" instead. At one point, she said, "Abraham Lincoln didn't kill people!" I thought the whole thing was hilarious. She called it "mean" though.
Last laugh was on me because I watched the whole movie.
3 comments:
okay i did tried your trick with amy. 11 minutes in the vampire attack threw her but she thought it was a dream sequence. it was only after henry kept saying over and over again some crap about hunting vampires that amy called me out. 13:57. the joke is still on you because we stopped watching as soon as amy figured it out.
Confession time then. And I'm surprised Jen didn't already give away this little secret. I didn't watch this entire movie either. I fast-forwarded until I saw something that looked stupid (the train sequence, for example) and then watched bits and pieces. I totally lied with the last sentence of this write-up.
my faith in humanity has been destroyed
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