Boyhood

2014 drama

Rating: 10/20

Plot: A kid grows up.

Somebody's going to have to convince me that there's a point to this movie. And really, if there wasn't the big gimmick--the filming of all these people playing boring characters over a 12 year period--would this even make it onto our screens? I don't think so, especially since nothing really happens. The acting in this, with the possible exception of Ethan Hawke, is bad from top to bottom. It's clear very early on that the two kids can't act as they discuss Dragon Ball Z and sing Britney Spears songs. And they never really get better although they do get older and mopier. One's there nepotistically; the other was obviously picked for his face. Yes, I'm aware that Patricia Arquette won the Best Actress Academy Award, but I didn't see what was special about her performance. In fact, I thought she was pretty bad at times. The worst performance in the movie goes to Marco Perella as Bill the drunken step-dad. There's a scene in a garage where Perella says, "Your mother's had a little accident," that made me laugh at a time that I think was likely inappropriate. Spousal abuse, as far as I know, is never funny. But this was staged and had the acting talent of a middle school drama production. The only thing that made it a little less embarrassing was when Perella yelled, "I hate squash!" a little later. That's the type of line that made me wonder why the hell Linklater was nominated for his screenplay. So the acting's bad, the writing's bad, and the plot is barely there at all. Thematically, this covers some really hard-hitting issues. You know, stuff about how life doesn't give you bumpers, those things that help you cheat at bowling. Or maybe that drinking is bad. For a three-hour epic about growing up, this whole thing felt strangely empty, and I was bored for the duration. You don't get to see the world around these characters change, and the characters, aside from looking a little older, don't really develop over that time either. It's just kind of there, 12 years that happen without giving me much of a reason to care about them or feel good about spending three hours of my time whipping through them. I would almost rather flip through somebody's old photo albums. The acting would be better.

As a guy who has written a very successful movie blog for several years now, I feel completely lost because of this one. I genuinely hated this movie experience and can't think of or imagine a worse Best Picture nominee that I've seen or will ever see. Yet, it's got a 100% metacritic score, a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes, and was nominated for a buttload of Oscars. I've liked and even loved Linklater in the past. Am I missing something? Should I stop blogging immediately because I don't know what I'm talking about?