Fast & Furious 6

2013 furious and fast sequel

Rating: 14/20

Plot: The team is pulled out of their semi-idyllic retirement by The Rock with promises of pardons and home. And because somebody realized that there was a lot more money to squeeze from this franchise. They have to stop a group of bad guys--including somebody who had died in a previous movie because that's the type of movie this is--from stealing a bunch of stuff and doing a bunch of stuff with it.

The Rock eats 7 meals a day and 821 pounds of cod per year. And before you get all excited--no, I did not do any research for this blog post. You should know me better than that by now. That was information that I stumbled upon. Anyway, I think this is further proof that the guy just isn't a real human being.

This movie summed up in three words spoken by one of the characters:

"This is crazy."

It is crazy. Like, crazy of the batshit variety. I've decided that these Fast & Furious movies (or sans ampersand or missing one of the words or whatever) are soap operas for men, only more ludicrous.  The dead character being resurrected is probably enough to make anybody think "soap opera," of course. This replaces the ludicrous relationship dynamics of those afternoon "stories" some women (and I guess some men) enjoy watching with ludicrous action scenes. I was reading the imdb trivia section for this movie because I didn't think I had wasted enough of my life watching three of these movies in a 48 hour period, and I came across this tidbit that made me laugh:

"The scene where the atm is dispensing cash and showering the people with money is technically impossible."

THAT'S technically impossible? Vin Diesel flying off a car he was driving from one side of a highway bridge to the other side while catching a woman who had been tossed from a high-speed tank and then landing safely on another car isn't a problem, but seeing money fly from an atm bothered somebody? The Rock's leap from one level of a parking garage to a racing car below? Nobody had an issue with the technical impossibility of that one? Crazy, indeed!

"How'd you know there would be a car there to break our fall?"
"I didn't. Some things you just have to take on faith."

You have to make a leap of faith right with this movie. Assume that all this high-flying nonsense is going to do the following:

1) Stay on the side of the line that was crossed a long time ago, the line between big dumb movie action ridiculousness and batshit crazy ridiculous. That's where it belongs, and that's where it will entertain the hell out of you.

2) Not cross over a third line somewhere out there, and get just a little too wacky and cartoonish. Because then your head will literally explode.

This is a movie you watch without a net. And by the way, I'd like to see statistics on the movie franchise that has made the most heads explode. I'm willing to bet it's this one. This arguably does number 2 up there. Some people--probably an old guy who had no friends growing up--is going to watch that tank scene and say, "Wait a second, what about physics?" But then Vin Diesel will sit down next to him--because Vin Diesel is always watching you--and put his arm around him and say, "Are you disrespecting my family?" which will cause the old guy to shit himself and have to leave the theater, probably with an escort. I like that these movies seem to be less realistic as they go. The problems are still very real, and the relationships are still very real, but the action sequences are just nuts. It's almost transformed from big explosion-y action car chase crime heist movie into something else--something a little closer to science fiction. It's a wild ride, and although you might want to drink while watching (from bottles, like the characters in the movie), you do not want to play a drinking game where you drink a shot every time a character says "I got this." You'll die. This sixth movie is probably my favorite installment yet. The bad guys are cool, there's a great Scooby Doo reference, and there's a freakin' tank. And you get to learn all about how you shouldn't turn your back on family.