Extraterrestrial

2011 comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A guy wakes up in a beautiful woman's apartment, but isn't sure if he "hit that" or not. Then, they discover that the streets are empty and there's a UFO outside, presumably with at least one of the titular beings from beyond earth in them. Conflicts arise when the gal's boyfriend and another guy--a neighbor who is obsessed with her--show up.

Yep, watched this just because it was directed by a guy named Nacho, the same guy who did Timecrimes. This isn't as good as Timecrimes, but it's also completely different than Timecrimes. Don't go into this expecting a science fiction action movie or anything because the aliens barely matter at all here. Actually, I'm not even sure if you can say it has aliens. It has a UFO. It's not a bad romantic comedy, and the female lead Julia was played by Michelle Jenner who is what you'd call fetching. Amusing, if not actually funny, little twists and turns keep this dialogue-and-character-driven comedy going. Peaches, explosions, the funniest-looking tank you'll ever see, and lots and lots of tennis balls. Don't you dare watch this before Timecrimes though.

Sorry this is so short, Nacho Vigalondo. Speaking of him, I also just found out that he directed the first segment in that ABC's of Death horror anthology. I don't remember if his was one of the good ones or not. Anyway, see Timecrimes.

Halloween Movie Fest: The Exorcist

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Halloween Movie Fest: V/H/S/ 2

2013 horror anthology

Rating: 10/20

Plot: An investigative team stumbles upon a bunch of video cassettes and watches some of them.

Ok, watching the second installment of what will undoubtedly be an endless franchise is admitting that the first is what you'd call a guilty pleasure. I like the found footage horror genre, and although almost every idea this movie has to give them an excuse to even have filmed evidence is really dumb, this still gives the audience a unique first-person perspective with these stories. The problem is that the stories just aren't very good. The first, in which a guy has this electronic eye that turns him into Bruce Willis, has a few shots that might make you jump out of your seat, but nothing happening with the characters makes any sense. Also, I had trouble figuring out how the guy was able to live in a house as nice as the one in this. The second story is an almost-clever twist on the zombie story. Then again, it's zombies. The longest, and probably the best, involves an Indonesian cult and is a true mindfuck with some really good effects, the sort of thing where you're impressed with everybody's timing. The story's a little weak, however. And then, there's a stupid alien thing that feels cheap, and by the time that story rolls around, you're probably a little tired of the whole thing. The frame story doesn't work at all. Well, at least it made no sense to me. I will say this: the first movie was impressive because the different directors found an excuse to show nudity in every one of the stories. This gives you a shot of breasts and a penis within the first minute, but there's not nearly as much nudity as the first one. I guess that's why it loses a point. Anyway, some of this might impress some people, and I have no doubt that the people involved--seven directors--are very creative people. Unfortunately, this doesn't add up to anything you're proud to have watched.

This movie could have been the worst experience of my life, and it still would have been worth it. I watched the whole thing before writing my thoughts about it. That's better than Rex Reed could do. I am now a more reliable and credible source for movie information than Rex Reed. Not that any of you doubted that anyway.

That's right--only one of those two guys watches the movies he reviews. And I don't even think the guy with the tie has his own blog!

David Holzman's Diary

1967 mockumentary

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A New Yorker decides to document his life on film, and this is the result.

Early in this--right after the titular character's girlfriend has broken up with him (or maybe before)--Holzman's friend tries to tell him that this whole thing isn't going to work because it will be filled with all these "half-truths" and that "aesthetic decisions" are going to get in the way. And this takes on an interesting dada quality precisely because the friend is right. Holzman doesn't have anything going on in his life that would make him worthy of having a documentary about him. And the late L.M. Kit Carson--very recently late actually--walks a thin line between interesting character and guy who you just don't understand, a guy who you sort of want to like and a character you almost want to take a swing at. This is a faux-documentary, back before faux-documentaries were cool, and it's fascinating to me that filmmaker Jim McBride was able to turn the genre on its head before it was really even a genre. It's more clever--and maybe more sad--than it is funny, but Carson excels in what I imagine was a really difficult performance. There's a character arc in this, but you have to squint and turn your head to one side to see it. I imagine Holzman's biggest problems in this are caused by his drinking of Pepsi from a Coca Cola glass, the sort of thing that might lead an individual into following women a couple blocks from a subway or filming people through windows. The guy's a definitely creepster, and you can tell he's an expert by the way he talks about the "widow thumb and the four daughters," the kind of masturbation analogy that can only be made by a bona-fide creepster. By the end, the character's become difficult to figure out, just like the best characters in fiction, but you feel a little sorry for him during a rambling monologue near the end where he alternates between an angry "What do you want?" and also-angry "You made me do things!", both directed at an audience who will in no way have a clue what he's talking about. I'm not quite sure what he's demanding of the audience here or what this is saying about making movies or the process involved in this sort of thing. Four really great scenes in this: 1) a scene where the faux-documentary apparently loses its faux as Carson interviews a sex-crazed woman, 2) a blurred night of television, 3) a scene where he dicks around with a brand-new lens, 4) a great extended shot of a bunch of old people sitting on a bench. There are also some great black and white shots of the city as it lived in the mid-1960s.

The Mishaps of Musty Suffer

1916-1917 slapstick shorts

Rating: n/r

Plot: The titular vagabond suffers, mustily, in a series of shorts.

I'd never heard of Musty Suffer, the character played by former circus performer Harry Watson Jr. When my fellow silent comedy fans and I get together, I think I'm going to refer to him as "The Nose." From certain angles, Watson resembles a squat Abe Lincoln, but he's a lot funnier than I imagine Lincoln ever was. A lot of the appeal is an extremely rubbery face, a physical feature that Watson utilizes to get a lot of laughs. Not that I laughed. These nearly plot-less vignettes are amusing enough for sure, and one of the things I really appreciate about silent comedy is the lengths these creative minds would go to get a laugh. It's almost like silent funnymen (and women? Were there any?) weren't trying to out-funny but out-innovate each other. This definitely has imagination and plays around with all kinds of old-timey special effects, the kind that I've always had a sweet spot for. Slightly surrealistic and near-absurdist at times, these shorts have just the right of mean-spiritedness mixed in with the humor. Musty Suffer is, as I think the back of the dvd case suggested, a sort of comic Job character, and describing the plot points for any of these would likely trick somebody into thinking they're tragedies or a little depressing. But Musty's a clown in purgatory, and even if Watson's character isn't exactly as easy to connect with as the silent comedians everybody's heard of, he's still fun to watch. I'll be diving into these shorts again and am happy that whoever was responsible for this collection unearthed him for my fellow silent comedy fans and me. We all call him "The Nose," by the way. Not sure if I mentioned that earlier.

Halloween Movie Fest: A Page of Madness

1926 Japanese silent avant-garde film

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A man gets a janitor job at a sanitarium in order to help his crazy wife escape.

I don't watch nearly enough silent movies anymore. And I can't recall ever seeing a silent movie from Japan. This one is from the mind of Teinosuke Kinugasa, a former female impersonator and the director of Gate of Hell, a movie that I know I watched but must have forgotten to write about because I can't find it here. This film was originally shown, I've read, with narration. Watching it now, it's really difficult to figure out the backstory for these characters. There aren't any intertitles to help you out at all, and the storytelling isn't exactly what you'd call coherent. That doesn't make it any less enjoyable as Kinugasa throws in every trick from the 1920's cinematic book of tricks (not a real book), making this more like a tone poem than a narrative. You get very quick montages, something that gives the setting a manic and somehow claustrophobic vibe. There are quick cuts of dancing, terrible lightning effects, and shadows that add up to a chilling look at mental illness. There's multiple exposure used extensively and a lot of distorted faces or dancers that give this that otherworldly feel that you can really only get from 1920's horror movies or the works of Guy Maddin. Washed out backgrounds and silent murky fuzz certainly add to the overall texture, but it's hard to know what was part of the vision of the filmmaker and what improvements time made on a "lost" movie that apparently was just sitting around for about 50 years before its discovery. This one's all about the imagery, and the images are indelible ones. A trio of crazed motherfuckers, a dog and later the male lead with their profile in a halo of light, a dancer with an odd hat in front of a bloated barbershop poll. You piece together enough of a plot to make the logical parts of your brain happy enough, but it's the part of your brain that just likes to look at stuff that's going to be thrilled the most with what's going on here. It might get a little repetitive after a while, but this is still highly recommended for fans of experimental and/or silent movies.

Parts of this lost movie were still lost after the rest of it was first found. Apparently, an extended cut exists, but I watched a non-restored version. The music was provided by some 1970's avant-garde Japanese musicians.

Halloween Movie Fest: The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made

2005 comedy

Rating: I don't know.

Plot: Some people get together for a poker game, and a few of them die. Then, a game of 52-Card-Pick-Up turns violent, and a couple are forced to flee. God, what am I doing with my life. Why the hell would I even think about watching this?

A poop monster, lots of talk about fecal matter, a hootenanny, lactation, bloody baby dolls, fake penises, a werewolf that either disappeared or anally raped a character named Detective Fred, a snowman, Jesus, the line "So you want us to shoot you out of a cannon right into her meat curtains?", a fight between a fake spider and a fake bat, a mummy. I don't know what to do with any of this. I did learn that cups were the only thing in the Bible that Jesus is afraid of which is one more thing than I learned at the Bible college I attended for a year and a half. All the bonus points I would get from God for going to a Bible college are wiped away after watching this movie. There's too much blasphemy and racism in this. So Saint Peter is going to say, "Sure, you went to a Bible college for three semesters and got a few hits for their baseball team--The Preachers--but you also watched The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made. I don't know if we want to let you in."

You, whoever you might be, shouldn't watch this. It's stupid. In a way, it's frustrating because I think director Bill Zebub, a guy who has made 39 other movies that are more than likely a lot like this since 2002, lets a little cleverness slip in every once in a while. And then--poop monster. Or a CGI rape scene that is not awful because a character is being raped but because the CGI is so bad. I laughed a bunch of times while watching this because I was apparently as high as a human being can be, but once I sobered up, I was embarrassed by the whole thing. I probably shouldn't have even written about it here. I hate myself.

Bill Zebub, for your information, is the director of Antfarm Dickhole. I'd watch that, but I'm terrified I would have to use the word titular in my review.

Seriously, don't watch this. Watch something else instead.

This might be the most depressed I have ever been. If this blog entry isn't a cry for help, I don't know what it is.

Bad Movie Club: Ice Cream Man

1995 horror movie

Rating: 4/20 (Fred: 3/20; Carrie: 1.5/20; Libby: 5/20; Josh: 2/20)

Plot: The titular traveling purveyor of creamy desserts and frozen confections is up to no good.

"Who's the pied piper now, ice cream dick?"

I had to do a search for the cliche "tour de force" on my own blog to make sure I haven't overused that phrase. I used it to describe the performance of a camel and a few human actors and once where I actually used the sentence "I had to do a search for the cliche 'tour de force' on my own blog to make sure I haven't overused that phrase." But really, how else are you going to describe Clint Howard's performance in this? In fact, "tour de force performances" should be called Clint Howards from now on. Ron Howard's brother carries this movie. He's like a rusty wheelbarrow (wait--is that a sex act?) being used to haul about 300 pounds of fecal matter. His shining moment in this, you'd expect, would be a scene where he's got a servered head on a waffle cone, but later, he performs a puppet show with a pair of severed heads for an extended period of time. I don't want to question whether or not it's even possible to use a severed head as a puppet because that would ruin the magic of the whole thing.

Do you think Ron Howard has watched this movie? Here's what I want to see: a movie that is nothing more than Ron Howard watching this movie. And then, a sequel where Clint Howard watches the movie where Ron Howard watches his movie. And if that works, they can complete the trilogy by having Ron Howard and Clint Howard fight to the death. I might have to pitch this idea to somebody.

Anyway, that's really all I have to say about Ice Cream Man.

By Request: Beetlejuice

1988 comedy

Rating: 15/20 (Jen: 17/20; Emma: 15/20; Abbey: 11/20)

Plot: A recently-deceased couple has to live out part of their afterlife in the house they owned at the time of their deaths, and that means putting up with an annoying family who has moved in. After attempts to scare the new owners away fail, they call on the titular ghoul for help.

Why would you have Robert Goulet in a movie and not give him a song? That cost this movie a point right there. The combination of Robert Goulet and Dick Cavett in the same movie seems irresponsible, by the way. Just think for a moment about how dangerous that could have been.

At one point in this, a character informs us that "Live people ignore the strange and unusual." Tim Burton is a live person, as far as we know, but he's spent his entire career putting the strange and unusual on movie screens for us. As a fan of the strange and unusual, I can respect that. There's enough weirdness here, but it's not a refined weirdness. The Salvador Dali-esque landscape has some dopey special effects, but the stop-motion sand worm, like all the stop-motion creations in this, is really cool. The handful of appearances of the shrunken head guy (a cameo by Dan Hedaya) in that lobby behind that chalk-drawn door are great because that one facial expression he makes is perfect in every situation. There's a lot of creativity and color behind that door, but it's all a little goofy and seems like stuff that just sprang from a Burton brain that was a little out of control rather than something that was well planned. A run-over guy glides in to make a too-obvious "feeling a little flat" pun; Sylvia Sidney comes in to play a great old-lady character and have smoke come out of a slit in her neck; and Douglas Turner, in his lone acting role after making models for Chopping Mall, gets to play Char Man. There's fun to be had in those lobby scenes, like a brief Disney-style ride through Burton's head. I also like the dark comedy as the inexperienced ghosts--one of those Baldwin brothers and Geena Davis, an honorary Baldwin brother--try their hand at haunting for the first time, and their earlier death at a covered bridge. A covered bridge might seem like an unlikely place to die, but that's always seemed like the exact kind of place where you could be murdered. The Baldwin brothers' death also seems impossibly tragic, almost in a humorous way although there's really nothing funny about any of the Baldwin brothers dying. Except for maybe Stephen Baldwin.

Hey, I hate to interrupt myself like this, but I just thought of a fantastic idea. Fantastic ideas are rare, so I have to make sure I get this down somewhere. I'm not sure how this could be arranged, but I think Danny Elfman should score Stephen Baldwin's death. Elfman's work makes everything sound better, even the shittiest of Tim Burton's movies, and an Elfman composition would definitely help people get through the loss of Stephen Baldwin. Sure, the other seven Baldwin brothers and Geena Davis are going to be upset, but they'd at least get to enjoy something about the tragedy. Elfman's score is really good here in his second collaboration with Burton, especially with the stuff that plays over the credits and the sweep over the model of the town.

I've got to digress again because I'm wondering if Josh, the person who both requested a blog entry about Beetlejuice and let me borrow a 20th anniversary dvd copy of the movie, has seen Forbidden Zone. If not, he needs to stop whatever he's doing (reading this) and watch that. It might be the greatest movie of all time.

Another digression: The Baldwin Brothers is such a good band name that I'm sure it's already been taken by somebody.

Little thespian Tony Cox plays a preacher in this. But not even Tony Cox can overshadow what Michael Keaton does as Beetlejuice or however the hell they want to spell his name. He's like an undead Tom Waits. He's not in the first half of this movie much at all, and if you've seen this before, you really miss him. But from his first appearance, where he says the great line "I'll possess myself if I gotta," you know you're getting a special character. When the living human characters are all kind of annoying and Burton's screenplay seems like it's about to spiral out of control, Keaton gives this thing a nucleus and is entertaining every single second he's on the screen.

Halloween Movie Fest: The House That Drips Blood on Alex (short)

2010 horror short

Rating: n/r

Plot: Alex moves into his new house on 3 Blood Street, and it begins to drip blood on him.

I'll leave this here for anybody who hasn't seen this: http://www.cc.com/cc-studios/the-house-that-drips-blood-on-alex-starring-tommy-wiseau/tespbn/the-house-that-drips-blood-on-alex----starring-tommy-wiseau

The interest in this little comedy short is that Tommy Wiseau plays the titular guy who has blood dripped on him. He's not in control of this production, but in a way, he's in complete control of this production. It doesn't really matter what Wiseau is supposed to be saying or what his lines actually are because he's going to Wiseau them and turn them into something magical. This is supposed to be funny, and it is, and although I think Wiseau is in on the joke, I'm not really sure he's that in on the joke if you know what I mean. This is under 13 minutes long, but there's a whole lot of Tommy Wiseau packed into that 13 minutes, and if you're like me, that makes it worthwhile. Hell, it might be worth it just to hear him talking about a fancy pen ("I might as well be writing with a duck") or starting a story with "Back when I was a little girl." There are also a lot of close-ups of Wiseau's face if you're into that sort of thing. I know that one of my blog readers is.

I think I might watch this again.

Halloween Movie Fest: Hellraiser

1987 horror movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A married couple moves into the husband's brother's house. Coincidentally, the wife had a sexual relationship with that brother who also--coincidentally--bought himself a magic box and was sucked into a nightmarish alternate dimension of some kind. Some spilled blood brings the brother back into the world of the living, but he needs more in order to come back all the way. And if I write any more about this plot, I'm going to change my mind about the 15/20 that I'm giving this.

I'd never seen this or any of the 27 sequels. I don't really care if my horror movies are scary are not. I do want them to be creative, even if the amount of creativity that goes into the characters or storytelling pushes things into bizarre territories, and I want them to be darkly comic. I don't even care if the comedy is intentional or unintentional. Hellraiser definitely has bizarre and darkly comic covered, but it's also got more than it's fair share of scares. Start with the look of the creatures, sadomasochistic demons. Pinhead--a name that shows you how serious Clive Barker et. al. are about this whole thing--and the other Cenobites [By the way, has Pinhead and the Cenobites been taken as a band name? That would be a good one.] and one vaguely phallic thing that chases a cute Ashley Laurence down a corridor are imaginative creations. The "Chattering Cenobite" reminds me of something from Doctor Who, definitely not a guy you want to meet in a B-horror film. "Butterball Cenobite" looks like a guy I've played poker with a few times while the other, which I guess is supposed to be a chick Cenobite, doesn't look too goofy or terrifying in comparison--not much different than the character in that movie Powder. They wisely don't give the quartet enough screen time for you to get sick of them or for them to lose their novelty. Of course, if they're in the 27 sequels, that might change. Those cats are nothing compared to the monstrous Frank though. How about the incredible make-up job in this that makes it look like he's reverse-melting? Reverse-melting? I'm sure there's an easy everyday word for that, but I can't think of what it would be, so I'm sticking with reverse-melting. Nobody's reading this shit anyway. The blood in this thing might look pretty dopey at times, but they certainly nailed grotesque with the look of Frank. There's lots of gross imagery in this thing--random maggots, etc.--and there's often a perfect combination of special effects, sounds like cracking noises and squelching sounds, and score, especially during a great scene where the creature comes to life through the floor. Just all kinds of creepy coolness, the kind of stuff that I don't think anybody had seen before back in the late-80s. Of course, there are some questionable choices--the "Come to Daddy" catchphrase of Uncle Frank; Kirsty's first meeting with her uncle that turns comical and involves bewildered nuns and a slow-motion Frank voice; that fucking monkey that I swear was three times as loud as any other sound in this movie; a weird near-sex scene with an over-acting Clare Higgins screaming "I can't bear it! Please no!" (reminded me of my honeymoon actually) while Frank creeps out, cuts a rat open, and then leaves; another Higgins line that made me laugh--"Not me!"; a whole bunch of Frank's lines, especially in the awkward scenes where he's pretending to be the dad ("So much for the cat and mouse shit!"); some sound effects that make it seem like the characters are on a boat; a face with maggots coming out of it that was obviously included just for shock value; and did I mention that fucking monkey? There was also all this religious iconography and Frank's final line where he quotes the Bible's shortest verse for reasons that I didn't really understand. What's with all the religious stuff in this? Anybody?

I'm probably going to watch a couple more of these in the next couple weeks. I'm assuming they get worse. Hey! Let's make this a fest! Halloween Movie Fest!

The Fault in Our Stars

2014 cancer movie

Rating; 14/20 (Jen: 16/20; Emma: 16/20; Abbey: 14/20)

Plot: A couple kids with cancer fall in love.

I had no trouble connecting with this movie because just like the young characters in one key scene, I too become sexually aroused whenever I think about Anne Frank.

This movie isn't without its problems, and I liked the book better even though it had the same problems. The young leads were fine, but these characters are a little too sure of themselves, like protagonists in a Chuck Palahniuk novel. There's a nice rapport between Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort (he should get that changed), so I can almost understand why these two are going to be in every movie released from now on. Willem Dafoe is terrific as a reclusive and bitter author. He plays that character exactly like he should have been played, and the taste you get of that character with that performance almost makes you want a separate movie just about that guy. And faithful readers already know my feelings about Mike Birbiglia who gets a small role here as a group counselor. Things get overly sentimental here. It's like everybody involved with the production wanted to do everything possible to make the audience cry, but I wasn't falling for it. If I was a teenage girl, I think I would have liked this a lot more, but I had the teenage girl in me exorcised from me many years ago. There's a lovely story nearly submerged beneath all the muck, the kind of glossy gloom you could almost choke on, and the likable characters help keep you involved. Still, this is a look at cancer and young love that only Hollywood can deliver, and that scene in the Anne Frank house makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Speaking of Anne Frank and teenage hormones, how much of a fight do you think there was about the sex scene prelude in this? After the Anne Frank shenanigans, they should have just handled it with a train like Hitchcock would have.

Locke

2013 drama

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A guy drives and talks on the phone. Hands-free though. So back off, Christians! It's actually where Lincoln got the idea for those car commercials where Matthew McConaughey talks to himself.

Seriously, that's all that this is. A guy, the titular guy played by Tom Hardy, drives and talks on the phone. It's night time. There's music, but it's nothing more than wallpaper. Or upholstery, I guess. And you're just trapped in the car with this guy and his problems. And he has problems, all emanating from a one-time affair with a lonely woman that resulted in a pregnancy. He talks to an imaginary father in the backseat; that's the closest thing we have to a second physical character in this. He talks to co-workers on the eve of the biggest concrete pouring job in European history (or something like that). He talks to his sons about soccer and his wife about his mistake. And Hardy handles it all with this grace under pressure. It's such a quietly terrific performance. There's no bombast at all, but you can almost see the stress and the guilt oozing from him. It takes a special kind of performance to carry a movie with no other on-screen characters, and Hardy delivers just that performance. And it takes a special kind of screenplay to create a narrative the way this single-setting movie does--through snippets and pieces, unseen flashbacks, effects with yet-to-be-revealed causes. It's drama that sneaks up on you in a way that enhances the character and really makes you care about him, one that unfolds just how director Steven Knight wants it to unfold which is not quite like any other movie I can remember seeing. I've been trying to dig into my rudimentary understand of philosophy--my brother could tell you that I had a great Intro to Philosophy instructor at I.S.U.--to figure out if there's any reason why Hardy's character is named Locke. That's the tabula rosa guy, and Locke's concept of the self does have some connections to this Locke's story. His consequences are, at least in part, chosen by him because of his experiences as a child, so there might be some connection there. It doesn't really matter because this movie's really all about how one man is forced to man-up and deal with the Right Now.

I think I should watch every movie that Tom Hardy has been in. He's that good.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

1988 marriage between live action and animation

Rating: 16/20 (Buster: no rating)

Plot: A detective reluctantly helps out a cartoon slapstick star after he's accused of murder.

Imagine Roger and Jessica having sex for a moment. That's why this movie can't be any higher than a 16/20. If I didn't have to imagine that, we're talking at least an 18/20. And you can't blame Lars von Trier for this kind of thing because I watched this before Nymphomaniac and spent the entire time looking for Jessica's animated cooter. So step off, Christians! This movie's characters are fun, and the noirish structure works because noir is a little cartoonish anyway. I'm not a huge fan of the actual story or especially the ending where things get a little too goofy (pun intended), but those characters are great. Bob Hoskins and Christopher Lloyd play stereotypes, but they play them so well that it doesn't matter. Jessica Rabbit almost looks too good, and Kathleen Turner's voice fits her very well. I'm still not sure how the Disney people gave the animators the OK to draw her "that way"--those legs, those absurd knockers, those lips--but who am I to argue. She's still a cheap whore, however, compared to Betty Boop who gets a cameo in this. Of course, I'm old school, so I'd always rather screw a black and white cartoon character over a color one. The cameos help keep this fun, even at their most forced, but this movie really could have used a little more Droopy. Roger himself is a character I hated when I first saw this. Especially that stutter. Not sure what my problem was because from the first moment you see him on the screen, he feels like a classic cartoon comedy icon--a Mickey or a Bugs or a Tom or Jerry. And I like those weasels a lot. Of course, the real star of this show is the effects to blend the animated characters with the flesh 'n' blood ones. Technically, this is nothing short of magical. There's a Disney motto that comes from this--"Bump the Lamp." It's used to push animators to go that extra step and create animated details that would probably not even be noticed by most people watching the movie but that would be appreciated by those who do. It comes from a scene where there's a swinging lamp that casts moving shadows over both humans and cartoons. It's the little stuff like this that you notice that really makes this something special. Sometimes wonder to yourself "How the hell are they doing that?", and I don't know about you, but that's one of my favorite questions to ask during a movie. There's a liveliness to the whole thing, colors and movements leaping off the screen. It's got more dimensions than Mary Poppins (though it's not as arousing, and I don't care how many Jessica Rabbit cooters you throw at me) or Bedknobs and Broomsticks although the tone isn't as whimsical. Is it unclear who the audience is? It's definitely not a five year old who should perhaps not be exposed to such oppressive animated breasts or double entendres. Anyway, it's a lot of fun.

By the way, did you know that that question marks in titles are considered bad luck? That's why this doesn't have one. It makes you wonder what kind of luck you get from using two exclamation marks and a question mark gets you or how well A Talking Cat!?! would have done if it didn't have them.

Dennis the Menace

1993 family comedy

Rating: I can't give this a rating because I haven't seen it in over 20 years. (Jen: "22 stars!")

Plot: The titular kid has to stay with his neighbors, the Wilsons, when his parents go away. There are shenanigans, and I think he helps stop criminals like in Home Alone.

Me: [typing about Nymphomaniac]
Jen: How come you've never written about Dennis the Menace?
Me: Because I haven't seen Dennis the Menace in over 20 years.
Jen: So? You should write about it anyway.
Me: Blogs didn't even exist when that movie came out.
Jen: I liked that movie. You should put it on the blog.

Back in 1993, Jen and I saw this movie at a dollar theater. I didn't like it, but she described it as "cute" which I think led to our first break-up. I'd have to check with my diary to verify that. Neither of us have seen it since 1993, but she apparently remembers it well enough to give it 22 stars. That's a lot of stars!

The kid who played Dennis was Dirk Calloway in Rushmore.

That's really all I've got.