Zen Noir

2004 murder mystery

Rating: 7/20

Plot: A nameless detective still mourning the loss of his wife gets a phone call about a murder taking place at a temple. He eventually locates a Buddhist temple only to find that those within are really uncooperative. They tease him with tea and keep waving oranges at him. As he struggles to get details about the case, he begins to unravel personal mysteries. He also falls for a bald woman.

Points for effort, I guess. The cross-pollination of noir film elements with Eastern philosophy is something that could have possibly worked well. Unfortunately, I don't think the noir or the Zen was done particularly well. I'm not 100% sure of the intent, but I don't think this was supposed to badly parody both of them. The whole movie, which seemed twice as long as it actually was, had the appearance of one really long joke that doesn't end up having a punchline. There are moments, but the bulk of the film's just little jokey sketches or random philosophical moments that don't add up to anything substantial. Like Zen slapstick mixed with Hallmark philosophy directed by somebody who wants to be the next David Lynch and create the next Full House at the same time. Artificial, unfinished, ugly, nauseating, and pretentious. My one hand was definitely not clapping. Heck, I almost walked out of my living room halfway through this one.

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