Rating: 16/20
Plot: Five racers and their navigators compete in a violent cross-country race in the dystopian future of 2000. In that titular competition, racers earn points by killing people with their cars. A terrorist organization is up to no good, however, as they attempt to blow up the racers in some wacky attempt to overthrow the government. Meanwhile, popular racer Frankenstein discovers something interesting about his navigator.
All kinds of cool in this Corman-produced and Paul Bartel-directed exploitation flick. It's really got everything you'd want in a B-movie--creative car designs that make them look like something you'd see in the Hot Wheels section of a toy store and say, "No way a car would ever look like that!"; really cool and note-quite-politically-correct racers; an interesting enough plot that doesn't get in the way of the car race mayhem; some gratuitous nudity, the kind that fans of gratuitous nudity will really enjoy; explosions; David Carradine dancing in his underpants; and some gory deaths.
This isn't all action and violence though. No, there's a generous helping of black comedy here, the darkest kind that references the killing of children and the elderly and suggests that certain characters might have artificial penises. There's also a little satire, a very pessimistic look at America. There's Pennsylvania, the "seat of liberty," and a reference to the "American tradition of no holds barred" which reminded me of a wrestling movie I once saw called No Holds Barred, another movie that's capable of making people think, "God bless the good ol' U.S.A." There's a great off-kilter rendition of the national anthem and more discordant Moogy patriotic songs that also might be poking fun at American ideals and American sheep. As a proud American, I was happy to see what the country is going to look like in the year 2000 with an awesome painted futuristic urban background because it turns out we'll have a cartoonish monorail system. And I don't even care that there might be an oppressive totalitarian government because if it's giving its citizens cartoonish monorails, I can live with everything else. Besides, the regime's flag--red and white with a fist that has a lightning bolt in it--kicks some serious ass. Seriously, who's messing with a country that has a fist on its flag? You know what else is awesome about the imagined future of this movie? There are still kids who wear overalls and push tires with sticks. Oh, and future America also isn't afraid to show nudity on television. There's even the threat of a naked cat fight. The potential for that was actually good enough for me in this case. I'm a grown man and capable of filling in gaps. The movie also jabs at fans of sports, I think, suggesting that people are capable of rooting for anything as long as there are rules associated with the activity. Like, most people aren't going to root for the death of children, but if you give the killer a helmet and some cool equipment (in this case, a car) and develop some kind of point system that makes killing children worth a lot of points, those same people might cheer enthusiastically. Our hero Frankenstein puts it best: "Why do you love me? Because I kill people?"
As I wrote up there, a lot of those death scenes (none involving children, by the way) are pretty brutal. The first is a crotch shot courtesy of Stallone's character, Machine Gun Joe. You get goofy music and silly blood with that one. Later, people are bludgeoned, heads are smashed, and victims are impaled or sent flying into the air. Watching those cars in speeded-up film is fun, and I did wonder if they ever had a Matchbox or Hot Wheels promotion for these bad boys. It also made me wonder if I should add horns to my 2001 Toyota Camry. And do you like explosions? Cause this movie's got some, including a terrific [Spoiler Alert] hand grenade pun and a detour fake tunnel ploy that would make Wile E. Coyote slap his forehead and exclaim, "How come that shit never worked for me?" I paused that scene, and it shouldn't have worked for anybody. The positioning of a fake tunnel just doesn't make sense if there's only sky behind it. Anyway, I liked watching those racing scenes. There are lots of angles, close-ups of car parts, car-cam. The great Bartel pulls off racing here which makes me want to see another coast-to-coast racing movie he did with Carradine called Cannonball!. And where else can you watch a scene where a guy bull-fights a car?
You get lots of cool characters here, too. Herman the German isn't around all that long but gets to say "I hope your buzzbomb has enough juice in its warhead this year" while checking his crotch. A booby navigator left us far too soon unfortunately. Calamity Jane, Matilda the Hun, Machine Gun Joe. This is another movie that deserves action figures. Stallone may have peaked here as Machine Gun Joe although punching women probably isn't his proudest moment. Of course, any character played by David Carradine is more than likely going to be the coolest character in the movie, and his Frankenstein is no exception. The dude's a shadow here, a bad ass shadow in all black and sometimes wearing a cape. He also gets the best car, an alligator-looking thing (or crocodile-looking thing?) with jagged teeth. He gives great answers to reporters' questions ("Stand in the middle of Route 66 tomorrow at 8 o'clock."), flirts with Stallone's girlfriends, and beats up Sly while wildly inappropriate music plays. He "lost an arm in '98, lost a leg in '99" and has half a face and half a chest. Half a chest? How does somebody have half a chest? He also claims that his "taste buds got wiped out in the crash of '97" which makes me wonder what the writer of this thing was on when he penned it. Other great lines:
"She's gaining on us, Mama, and she's got murder on her mind." That's just poetry.
"Some people may think you're cute, but I think you're one large baked potato." Take a guess at which character said this one.
"Hey, cornball, what's the fastest way through here?" and "You lousy stinking dirtball. You've got two seconds to live!" which makes me think they let Stallone write some of his own lines.
The role of Frankenstein was offered to the slightly-less-cool Peter Fonda, by the way, but he thought the movie was "too ridiculous for words" and wanted nothing to do with it. He was probably just afraid of the scene where the character dances in his underwear, a scene that fulfills our fantasy of watching a masked Carradine (any of them) dance in his underwear. That's such a cheesily artistic scene there. There are some other fun characters, too. There's the Real Don Steele because we wouldn't want to get him confused with a Fake Don Steele, Harriet Medin's silly performance as rebel mastermind Mrs. Paine, and a guy who looks like Captain Kangaroo doing his best Howard Cosell impression.
All in all, this seems like a movie that really is too ridiculous for words, one with half-cooked ideas or ideas that just shouldn't work. However, it all comes together to make something that's a lot of fun, darkly funny, and completely memorable, a very likable cult classic. I have not seen the remake of this or any of its sequels, but I can't imagine they're more enjoyable than this original.
No comments:
Post a Comment