Rating: 8/20
Plot: Upon returning to America, Daniel Macchio and Mr. Miyagi start a bonsai tree business because that's just the sort of thing that would take off. Meanwhile, Sensei Kreese wants revenge and calls on an old friend, a ponytailed rich-boy douche, to help him. Daniel finds himself forced into defending his title in the All Valley Tournament where the cartoonish bad guys have devious plans to pummel and embarrass him. Hopefully, Mr. Miyagi will teach him something that seems worthless but will actually help give this movie the happy ending it deserves.
Well, at least Mr. Miyagi gets a chance to beat on some punks. I'm not sure he does it in a way that is really all that consistent with his character from the previous two movies though. I mean, what's Daniel supposed to learn when watching his mentor mock his opponent by imitating his chirping. The only thing this movie really gets right is the very brief training montage with that terrific music and all those seagulls. Our titular hero has all his usual problems in this, but in this one, he's also pudgy and doesn't know how to shut up. I'd love to see a page of this script just to check out the ratio of Daniel-san words to other characters' words. It's got to be around 9 to 1 though. And there's a scene where he goes absolutely apeshit over some macaroni and cheese. Macchio also has to overcome some sketchy special effects when he and his third love interest in three movies are repelling to retrieve a bonsai tree. Maccho's got three total gears as an actor here. He's got those scenes where he's likable because he has more boyish charm than a 45-year-old actor should have. He's got the scenes where he's exasperatingly and awkwardly afraid. And he's got scenes where he's just really loud. It's not a very good performance. And for the second movie in a row, this needed more Mrs. Larusso. She's in this very briefly along with a new character--Uncle Louie, so pitiful with his coughing and his bell. I don't know about anybody else who has ever watched this, but I kind of wish Uncle Louie had his own spin-off movie. He's played by Joseph V. Perry who has 174 credits on imdb. Still, this movie, one in which he only coughs and rings a bell, is the first he's "known for" according to that website. The character who almost singlehandedly brings this into good-bad-movie territories is ponytailed and prickish Terry. Unfortunately, he's more obnoxious than entertaining although there are definitely some moments. His ridiculous assholery makes it hard to believe that somebody involved in this production didn't stop everybody and say, "Wait a second. We really aren't going to use any of this footage, are we?" His thugs are also comically malicious, like guys in an Archie comic strip going a little too far. Terry's Bruce-esque bird noises are pretty awesome, but almost everything any of bad guys have to say is embarrassing. The sublime "Get him a body bag! Yeah!" (probably voted #1 in some greatest movie line ever--I'm too lazy to look it up and verify it) during the tournament scene in the first movie is replaced with "Hey, Danny Boy, how are the family jewels, eh?" which just doesn't stack up. Terry the Prick gets far too many asides, mostly directed toward a quiet and stoic Kreese, stuff like "I love it when he pounds him" that really adds nothing. Snake does get a great "Attaboy, Luther" moment when he says, "Hit him, Mike. He's hallucinating," while Daniel is doing whatever he is doing at the end of the match. They also decided to bring racism into this, probably unnecessarily, when the bad guys start referring to Mr. Miyagi as a slope. The best line the bad guys get belongs to, appropriately, Terry, one that precedes the scene where Miyagi starts kicking ass: "Did you see that trail? I think he peed in his pants." I think it's the added preposition that makes that borderline magical.
You know, I didn't even think I'd ever seen this movie, but it was all very familiar when I watched it. Apparently, I had repressed it.
And yes, I will be watching the fourth installment eventually. I know for a fact that I've not seen that one.
Also--I'd recommend the Karate Kid cartoon, available on Netflix. It's pretty special.
No comments:
Post a Comment