Tusk

2015 horror comedy

Rating: 13/20

Plot: A successful podcaster, because that's a thing now, ventures to Canada to interview and probably make fun of a kid who accidentally cut his leg off with a sword. Unfortunately, those plans fall through, but he stumbles upon another interesting subject. He makes the trip to the storyteller's house and makes a new friend who just happens to want to turn him into a walrus.

I was pretty sure--before watching this--that Kevin Smith was trying to match the trajectory of M. Night Shammalammadingdong's career. I could imagine him saying, "Yeah, I just made a movie as bad as Red State, but what until you guys see the final results of my movie about a guy turning into a walrus!" He'd seen The Human Centipede and thought, "Yeah, that movie was immensely popular. Let me have a crack at the weird-guy-turning-people-into-animals genre!" But the joke's on you, Kevin Smith, because this movie actually ended up extremely entertaining. And it's funnier than Clerks, though because it's more ambitious, probably not as good. It's a movie where its flaws definitely get in the way, but since it doesn't take itself all that seriously, it just doesn't matter that much. But I'll point them out anyway. There's an early special effect featuring the "Kill Bill Kid" that I wasn't even sure was supposed to be real. All the stuff with Justin Long's co-host and his girlfriend is boring. Long and Haley Joel Osmont play characters that are complete dicks, podcasting shock jocks keeping it "real and raunchy" with the Not-See Party, a pun that is both lame and unnecessary. And there's Johnny Depp, almost unrecognizable, who pops in as Guy Lapointe and nearly causes this whole thing to jump the walrus. Depp's acting is so over-the-top bad here, but it fits in with what Long is doing. Long's got his mustache that makes him look pervy and untrustworthy, and there are also way more scenes featuring him urinating than should be permitted. His scenes with the crazy guy are a lot of fun though. Long's reactions to Park's storytelling are completely unnatural, and his shock and terror as he realizes what is happening to him is comical, probably party intentionally comical. "Holy shit! There's no leg there!" I don't know if it was intended or not actually, but the silliness of the line combined with the delivery of the line made me laugh out loud. Long's performance is a strange one. Michael Parks' performance was easily the best thing about this movie. He was also the lone bright spot in the dreadful Red State. Here, every single note of his performance is just perfection. He balances this dark humor with this twisted creepiness, throws out words like "rapscallion," restrains giggles, performs a killer version of "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider," and has one terrific moment where these mocking screams transform into animal growls. It's just incredible stuff, and the movie, especially if you enjoy this sort of grotesque humor, is worth watching only because of what he's doing. The walrus looked ridiculous, but that was probably intentional. I mean, it did have a visible human face on it, after all. But that first shot of Long as a walrus? Holy shit, that's something to behold. And this movie is pretty informative as well. I learned that walruses never cry, something I never learned at the zoo. All the walrus at the Indianapolis Zoo ever taught me is that walruses are perverts that will flaunt their walrus junk in the presence of children. This movie really makes no attempt at all to say anything. There's one piece of dialogue--"Is man indeed a walrus at heart?"--that threatens to turn things philosophical, but the movie's really not satirical, and it's probably not even intelligent. I would like a clever t-shirt that makes use of the phrase "Go full walrus," by the way. Be on the lookout.

A nice touch: A Big Chug "Eh" Lug cup recurring gag.