Oprah Movie Club Pick for October: 12 Angry Men

1957 jury drama

Rating: 20/20

Plot: 12 jurors try to decide whether a young man should get the death penalty for killing his father. It seems like an easy decision until one guy fucks it up and causes another guy to miss his baseball game.

This movie explodes like 12 sticks of dynamite!

See, here's the good thing about having a blog that nobody reads. This is the Oprah Movie Club Pick for October which, if you look at a calendar, you'll notice was actually a couple months ago. But I really only have to worry about 1 angry man.

I've seen this a few times, and it doesn't lose its power or relevance or anything else a movie could have and lose with subsequent viewings. It's a movie where we're put in a searing room with the titular jurymen, and you have to get to know them even if you don't really wanna. And you sweat right along with them, and you question your own soul and your biases and your nature and your duties as a human being, and that's what makes the movie one of the greats. It's one of the best courtroom drama movies if not the greatest courtroom drama movie, and it tells the story without even showing a single second of the trial itself. Instead, it's the jurors' discussion that paints the trial for us--they give us sketches and gradually fill in gaps until it all takes a shape that is probably far too recognizable for the average American citizen.

Check out that opening shot--looking up at impossibly high pillars in a courthouse. It's weighty and gigantic, like the civil obligation these 12 guys are supposed to be taking seriously. And then there's a mini-extended shot through the halls of the courthouse to the door of the courtroom itself, a shot of the fidgeting jury members we're about to learn about and a bored judge. They're sent away, and there's a great shot over the defendant's shoulder as they retire. A shot of a very worried defendant's face--and he looks so young--that fades away into a shot of the empty jury room. And again--that weight! And that's it until a few minutes at the end. The rest is either in the deliberation room or--in one small scene--in the restroom. Add this to the small list of great movies--Rope, My Dinner with Andre, Rear Window, Reservoir Dogs, The Exterminating Angel, Alien--where all the action is confined to one setting.

And you're just stuck in there with them and those words. And that heat. What's the heat represent, by the way? Is it just a way to make the characters a little more uncomfortable or is there symbolism there? The characters to get gradually sweatier which gives this a real-timey feel. Or is the promise that "this is going to be the hottest day of the year" some kind of foreshadowing? Anyway--those words. You have to love the dialogue in this. There's all this hidden tension, and you really find out what these characters are all about with just a few simple words, all their hidden bigotries and prejudices and the pasts that shade their thinking. And you get all these great individual lines: "He can't hear you. He never will." "He don't even speak good English." (The English teacher part of me has to appreciate that one.) "I made 27 grand last year selling marmalade." (Ok, there's no reason to like that one.) The 12 actors manage to be realistic while just stagy enough to keep this all interesting, so that you feel like you could be watching an actual jury deliberate but know you're really not. Piglet's in there, mousey John Fielder who thinks everything is "interesting." There's marmalade-salesman and baseball enthusiast Jack Warden who tosses litter through an opened window because that's the type of guy he is. Add a match trick, a hat flip, and a great whistle, along with the fact that he doesn't seem to give a fuck except when his machismo convinces him that he does have to give a fuck, and you've got a character who stands out in that room. Juror number 9 might be my favorite though--Joseph Sweeney who slows everything up initially because he has to drop a deuce. Then, the first few times he talks, it's with a close-up of his face looking directly into the camera. I also like the part where he's bopped in the head with a wad of paper and says, "That was a damn stupid thing to do!" Ed Begley's great as one of the more disagreeable jurors, and Lee J. Cobb--a guy you know has got himself a well-watered lawn--gets a climactic monologue where he shows off some rather impressive pointing abilities, a monologue that cements him as a completely despicable villain before he withers and breaks your heart. Fonda's great, too, grace under pressure, and I like that he never tries to do too much with the performance. Another thing I like about the acting--there's not much wasted movements in that room. Even the moments selected for the characters to hang up their coats, laugh, slouch, and put their spectacles back on all seem carefully chosen.

Other great things about this film:

That shot of the switchblade lodged in the table (pretty sure you're not supposed to do that to government property, by the way) and then that knife just popping up in all those shots after that. Scenes sans music until that point when Fonda rolls the dice with the secret ballot vote. And what's the significance of those votes being tossed inside that guy's glasses? Cobb's bit "whoops" moment about the old man and that look on his face and the stunned silence that seems so much longer than the 1.5 seconds it actually is. Cobb's "What are you looking at?" during one of the peaks of this deliberation. And following the bitch slappin' "You don't really want to kill me do you," how that room darkens suddenly, like the sun's gone behind a cloud or something. Just awesome. The almost touching little name exchange at the end. No, I never got my sequel where Fonda and the old man take their relationship to the next logical step and have a sexual relationship, but I'm ok with that.

Man, what a movie! They just can't make 'em like this anymore.

So many lines just cut here, stabbing at the idea of innocent until proven guilty, our ideas, our collective souls, our faux ethics. There's cynicism in the script because this is a realistic and unapologetic look at men, but there's so much hope, too. Just think about what each of those characters have learned about themselves as they grab their time together ends. It's written all over their faces as they walk out of that room. When they entered, 11 of the 12 angry men were prepared to send a man to his death, wiping out any potential he has with one single half-assed decision. When they end up making the right decision, it shows just how much potential human beings actually have. And that's what makes it such a happy ending.

God, I hope that one of the movies the kid saw was Indestructible Man featuring Lon Chaney Jr.

Special Feature: Ten Greatest Moments from Wes Anderson Movies

It was very hard to whittle this down to just a top-ten list. There's a lot that I wanted to include but couldn't and a lot that I cheated and sneaked in with other things. Anyway, this took me a long time to research--well, watching all of the movies again--and write. Feel free to tell me how wrong I am or let me know what I left out in the comments.

Oh, and there are probably spoilers.

Portman Arrival

Yeah, I know that Natalie Portman is a little naked in “Hotel Chevalier,” but that doesn’t do it for me nearly as much as the first appearance of her when Schwartzman opens his hotel door. Maybe it’s the color of her coat or her short hair that, for whatever reason, seems shocking. Or the flowers at her side. Or the fact that she’s finishing a phone call. She’s waifish but completely intimidating, and when she smiles with a toothpick in her mouth, you completely understand what the hell is wrong with Schwartzman’s character in any movie that Schwartzman has ever been in and will ever be in. And that exchange later: “I promise I will never ever be your friend.” “If we fuck, I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow.” “That’s ok with me.” And she’s a little naked later. Did I mention that? Oh, and I also like when she uses his toothbrush.

Lost Train

“We haven’t found us yet.” It’s such an easy faux-philosophical line, and Anderson and Owen Wilson seem to be poking fun of by drawing so much attention to it. There’s just something so funny to me about the idea of a train being lost. And it leads to the first of the peacock feather rituals which shows just how lost these brothers are. And like all of the best Wes Anderson moments, it’s the clash of humor and deeper meaning that make it all magical.

Zissou Feeds a Whale

Bill Murray does some pretty ridiculous things in this movie. He points a gun at Cate Blanchett [Had to edit. For some reason, I wanted to put Paltrow in this movie.]. He stands around without a shirt. And I love the slow-motion shot of him smoking while Bowie’s “Life on Mars” plays in the background. And I love the scene where he breaks in his Adidas. And I love watching him dance to music that--I assume--only he can hear in his helmet. And I love when he curses his ineffective dolphins. But it’s this scene where he feeds a fish to a killer whale--a scene that has no business being in any movie ever--that makes me smile more than anything else.

Rat

It’s no secret that I love stop-motion animation, so the combination of that style, a Roald Dahl story, and Wes Anderson was like a dream come true for me. And I love the animation of The Fantastic Mr. Fox. The characters are great, but Rat, voiced by Willem Dafoe, might be my favorite. His intro (match flare!) is terrific, and he’s given so much character with that phallic tail, that Southern accent that can only belong to a cartoon character, all that snapping, and the way he extinguishes a match in his mouth. He’s such a comically intimidating character, and his movements are poetry. And it’s all so richly animated in the cellar stuffed with glowing golden cider. “Y’all are trespassin’ now. Illegally.”

“She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.”

I didn’t realize Ralph Fiennes could be so funny. It’s impossible not to love every single flaw of this flamboyant character. I like how he bounces off Zero who, with that goofy hastily-drawn mustache, is the perfect straight man. It’s early in their relationship and the movie where he says the “dynamite in the sack” line, and although he’s got a lot of quotable moments in The Grand Budapest Hotel, it’s this one that really tells you everything you need to know about the character. The line’s funny enough, but Anderson knows he can take it further with Zero’s response. And then you get to see Tilda Swinton’s Madame D. in her coffin (“You look like you’re alive.”) which makes the whole thing even funnier. Darkly and deadpannily, like Wes Anderson's funniest bits.

Bud Cort

I just love that Bud Cort is in The Life Aquatic. There are all kinds of completely insignificant moments I could have included in this list, but the little moment in the elevator where they put their hands in and do one of those “Team!” cheer things is just wonderful. I love Cort’s expression after Zissou says “I hope you’re not gonna bust our chops, pal” and his later reminder that he’s a “human being.” But’s his smile after their display of teamsmanship while that Devo song “Gut Feeling” rumbles in! Man, that’s terrific stuff!

Dignan’s Enthusiasm

It’s hard not to like Owen Wilson in Bottle Rocket. He’s just bursting with energy. I love watching him throw little fits--first when the hilarious “He’s out. You’re out, too. And I don’t think I’m in either” and later when takes things out on a car (“You don’t give a $500 tip to the housekeeper!”) But it’s his childish excitement that makes him so likable. There’s an unbridled glee when he’s shooting bottle rockets from the window of a moving car or when he’s getting excited about getting a passing trucker to honk his horn. But it’s his line at the end of the movie that magically manages to turn their complete disaster into a happy ending. Love how he says the words “We did it though, didn’t we?”

Petey’s Song

I think I’m just easily amused watching a stop-motion-animated person using a pumpkin as a percussion instrument. That, and I like Jarvis Cocker a lot. But my favorite thing about this whole sequence is Bean’s interruption and chastising of poor Petey, a guy with a banjo who’s just doing his best. “That’s just weak songwriting. You wrote a bad song, Petey!” Michael Gambon’s delivery is perfect there. Singin’ diddle-dee, daddle-da, doddle-do, doodle-dum.

Tour of the Belafonte

There are actually two scenes in Life Aquatic where we get tours of very detailed and wonderful sets--Alistair Hennessey’s sealab and Zissou’s ridiculously wonderful ship. I love everything about this scene. The lighting, the colors, the activity going on in the various parts of the ship, the music, the timing of it all. It’s one of the many cases where it seems like Anderson thinks he’s making a cartoon. And it reminds me of the dolphins and the scene later in the movie where Zissou checks in on them, only to find that they’re looking at each other. “Son of a bitch, I’m sick of these dolphins” is a line that will always make me laugh.

Lefty Scissors

One thing you might not expect anybody to say--Wes Anderson sure knows how to film an action sequence. The big shoot-out in Grand Budapest Hotel (the one with about .6 seconds of Clooney), the same movie’s chase sequences or big prison escape, the pirates’ boarding of the Belafonte or the rescuing of the bond company stooge and Jeff Goldblum and his “I’m a Pepper” t-shirt, the animated action sequences in The Fantastic Mr. Fox, the opening taxi ride Bill Murray’s character takes at the beginning of Darjeeling as he tries to catch his train, the dizzying climax of Moonrise Kingdom. But it’s the cutesy avant-garde action sequence when the heavily-armed scouts find Sam and Suzy that ends up being an action sequence that can car-chase circles around anything Stallone’s ever done. The flash of an arrow, a shot of those left-handed scissors, a motorbike lodged in a tree, fleeing scouts, and a poor dead dog. (“Was he a good dog?” “Who’s to say?”) Ok, so maybe it is next to impossible to describe what actually happens there.

“Best Play Ever, Man”

More Kumar might be coming later in this list. Pallana isn’t in Rushmore much, but his review of Max’s Vietnam play wraps up that sequence perfectly. And think about that curtain opening on the elaborate jungle scene and that great shot of the audience reaching for the provided headphones and safety goggles. You really can’t argue with Mr. Littlejeans’s “Best play ever,” can you, man? Mr. Littlejeans! Even that name makes me laugh.

Dafoe vs. Cat

I was leaning toward the slowly unfurling chase sequence that ends with Jopling’s demise (“Holy shit! You got him!”) or Dafoe stalking Goldblum’s character (that museum closing sign changing from 16 minutes to 14 minutes, Goldblum’s fingers and later his fingerprints), but I have to go with the cat. Just thinking about the shot of Dafoe petting the cat cracks me up. But watching him hurl the poor thing out the window, leading to Goldblum having to pick up “Persian cat, deceased” at the coat check. I just love the goofy characters Anderson has Dafoe playing. The first shot we see of the character, sitting alongside Brody’s equally ridiculous-looking character, is also great. There was a time when Willem Dafoe really confused me, but the guy's versatility is hard not to appreciate.

Shared Carrots

Bill Murray’s got a lot of great moments in Rushmore. I didn’t want him to fill up all ten spots in my top ten list, but what do I cut? The party scene where he apathetically tosses golf balls into a swimming pool before climbing to the high dive to do a cannonball, leading to one of those Anderson underwater shots? The time when he’s watching Rosemary from behind a tree and quickly ducks behind it when she and the camera find him? The macho blocking of a random kid’s basketball shot for no reason at all? That nearly made the list. That elevator scene where he’s a total mess--double cigarettes, pouring alcohol into a beer can in his breast pocket, announcing, “Ummm. . .I’m a little lonely.” Or the classic answer to Max’s question: “Yeah, I was in the shit.” But you know what my favorite Bill Murray moment in this movie is? It’s when he decides he’ll have a carrot offered by Rosemary outside her front door. He says, “Yeah, I’ll have one of those.” And then, because it’s a Wes Anderson movie, he eats a carrot.  And it means just as much as a red wheelbarrow.

Alec Baldwin’s Return as Narrator in The Royal Tenenbaums

You actually forget that the movie had a narrator until Gene Hackman tells his family that it’s been the “best six days of his whole life.” Royal’s sentiments are impossible to figure out in this. Baldwin lets us know that “immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true,” the sort of simply written line that adds so many dimensions to this character. A few words, a few more words, and a few seconds of acting perfection from Hackman.

Kumar

Bottle Rocket’s a good movie but becomes borderline great when Anderson favorite Kumar Pallana gets his time to shine. During the comedy of ineptitude that is these characters’ heist, Kumar is failure incarnate. From the get-go when he asks, “Who’s that man?” to an annoyed Owen Wilson who has to explain, “That’s Applejack,” you know how it’s all going to go. He tells Dignan that he’s lost his touch, and Dignan asks appropriately, “Did you ever have a touch to lose, man?” And then he ends up in a freezer. It’s the type of thing that I can’t even think about without laughing. Kumar Pallana! God damn, he might be my favorite actor ever. Did you know, by the way, that he was in episodes of both Captain Kangaroo and The Mickey Mouse Club in 1956 and 1961 respectively? Wes Anderson movies just won't seem the same without the guy.

Cuckoo

After the cacophonous finale where the couple are on all in peril atop that church during the storm, a blue-tinted scene that reminds me of monochromatic silent movies, things settle down on the island. Suzy’s called to dinner, Sam sneaks out the window, and the camera pulls back to reveal a painting of the titular beach. Maybe it’s the Benjamin Britten’s cuckoos that get me, but that painting and those sounds somehow manage to recall everything that happened--their meeting during that elaborate Noah play, the letter exchanges, the running away, the adventure, their marriage. And most of all, the goofy but sweetly romantic time on the beach. That dance scene--check out Sam’s arms. Ear piercing. The “I may wet the bed later” warning and her understanding. Cuckoo. Cuckoo. If you don't get this relationship, you've probably never been in love and you probably don't understand anything and probably never will. And I feel sorry for you.

“Look at these assholes!”

The beginning of the turning point in Darjeeling when the trio of brothers encounter another team of brothers and something very close to an actual spiritual awakening--one that doesn’t need an itinerary--begins. It leads to a desperate rescue attempt when the boys, for the first time, actually decide to do something, and Brody’s heartbreaking delivery of the line “I didn’t save mine.” The flashback that follows, a slow-motion walk through a village, Owen's announcing that he's still got a lot of healing to do, and "expressing ourselves more fully" without words all come later, but this moment where Anderson moves from pure comedy to heartbreaking tragedy in just a few frames is so good.

Jaguar Shark

Maybe it’s that Sigur Ros song as music, once again, is an important ingredient to what Anderson creates. The whole crowd’s stuffed into that tiny submarine, absurdly. The Henry Selick creature makes an exquisite appearance, Steve Zissou reflects on an entire life, on his failure as an oceanographer and as a father and as a lover and as a man, asking none of the people in the submarine, “I wonder if it remembers me.” And in a movie that plays a little bit with what is really real and what really isn’t, the expression on Murray’s face lets us know that this is profoundly real.

Bad Movie Club: Miracle Man

2014 (?) religious movie

Rating: 2/20 (Libby: 14/20; Josh: 3/20; Fred: 2/20; Jeremy: I don't even think he made it to the opening credits)

Plot: See Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John except you have to stop after Lazarus is brought back to life. And it takes place in contemporary times. But you get all of J.C.'s biggest hits--water into wine, temptation in the desert, some healing. And Jesus has to contend with modern day problems like the police hassling him because kids are selling drugs outside his place, clumsy rapists, banks, bitches. And the devil keeps sending demons to try to throw him off track.

If you're as old as me, you remember when Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ came out, and Christians went nuts because nobody as weird as Willem Dafoe should be playing Jesus. At least I think that was the problem they had. They marched around with signs denouncing the movie, probably threw a few Molotov cocktails or something, maybe threatened Martin Scorsese's eyebrows. They really should have saved their fervor for this atrocity, an actual religious movie that--if people saw it--would do far more damage to Christian ideology. Like Scorsese's film, this looks at the humanity of Christ, sticking J.C. (because it's more hip that way) in modern times. He's got a construction business, and there are other parallels to the life of Christ presented in the Gospels, but there's not nearly as much of a point to the whole thing. It's completely pointless and doesn't even really seem to have a message, yet it still somehow manages to seem as preachy as a man-made work of art can be. But you have to wonder--is this man-made or did a higher power have a hand creating this magic? That higher power, of course, would be Satan in this case.

Let's talk about Satan a little because he's in a few scenes. Well, his floating head in some murky version of hell is in this. He's got a great voice but sends a pair of demons--one who could have a chance to win one of my end-of-year awards if I could find his name [seriously, just look for this movie--it's not on imdb, and I'm starting to wonder if it was some sort of collective hallucination] and another guy who looks like he walked off the set of a biker movie. But that first demon guy? He delivers quite the memorable performance, but that's probably easy when you've got such well-written material to work with. I mean, a demon who calls people "buster" when he's feeling like threatening somebody? Actors craving an Academy Award crave these kinds of roles. [Update: Gregory Joseph is his name, and I've thought more about why I like his performance so much. He's just taking this juicy sort of role and grabbing the thing by the throat and having fun with it. It's a little over the top, but he's a fedora-wearing demon. How else are you supposed to play that character?] Other auxiliary characters--a woman who was nearly raped, J.C.'s friends (especially the one with a shifty accent who has a great moment with an internal monologue), policemen, the rapists, various members of J.C.'s congregation--all seem like they were pulled straight from the pews of some church. Oh, and there's a guy in a wheelchair who I believe is "playing" mentally-handicapped, and that performance is the type of thing that should result in a one-way ticket to hell. Seth Gandrud plays Jesus, adequately actually, but there's another guy with better hair who probably should have been Jesus. Gandrud plays Christ with this sort of nonchalant calm that somehow manages to get a little grating after a while.

But it's nowhere near as grating as the look of this film. Scenes seem to be filmed through a very thin gauze at times, and nearly the entire movie is filmed using cutting edge green-screen technology. We wondered how the producers of this thing couldn't afford things like, you know, walls to actually film in front of. They actually needed a green-screen to make it seem like the characters were talking in front of a nondescript wall? They even needed a green screen to film a wedding scene. They seriously couldn't find a church to film in? Maybe, Ted Kraft Jordan or whatever your name is, God is trying to send you a message about filming something like this if he's not even helping you find a church to film in or a wall to film in front of. The green-screen effects were jarring enough, but whenever J.C. shot fireballs (because he shoots fireballs) or another special effect was called upon, things got completely ridiculous. Most people have probably seen better special effects in a passion play. There's also an important scene featuring a car accident that doesn't make sense on any level at all. Of course, this is a movie about religion--not science. If there had been a postscript before the credits that said, "Did you see those special effects? This is the kind of movie they show you in hell, so you might want to make sure you're right with God," it all would have made perfect sense. If this is indeed a real movie and not a collective hallucination, it's something worth watching on Youtube. It just might save your soul. If not, it will make you laugh, and that might be just as important. I'm remembering a story in the New Testament where somebody who doesn't believe in the divinity of Christ asks for a miracle. I don't remember if he gets one or not. Well, Miracle Man really is sort of a miracle of a movie, something that has to be seen to be believed. And I'm looking forward to seeing what Ted Kraft Jordan Productions comes up with next. Hopefully, it's a sequel!

Iron Man 2

2010 sequel

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Tony Stark deals with the fame of being the titular hero while at the same time knowing that he is probably dying from his science not working very well. Or something. I really have a hard time understanding this shit. I'm too stupid for your average blockbuster.

This movie was really dumb. First, there's no flashback scenes with Jeff Bridges riding on a Segway while smoking a cigar. I'm surprised the studio even greenlit this sequel without insisting that there's at least fifteen minutes with Bridges on that Segway in this movie. Then, they fill this with a bunch of dumbass scenes. Tony Stark spontaneously deciding to drive a race car at the same race that the Wrestler decides to show up and unleash his lightning whips? Is that synchronicity or is that just cheap writing? Then, there are two Iron Men, one of them the same black guy from the first movie who is being played by a different black man. They fight and tear up a house before Black Iron Man sulks away. Meanwhile, the ubiquitous Sam Rockwell, an actor I really enjoy, hams it up with the kind of gusto we haven't seen in a villain since Hackman in those Superman sequels. Mickey Rourke's a Russian scientist, and although Mickey Rourke--Russian scientist sort of feels like an oxymoronic weapon capable of imploding the entire universe, he's really pretty good. Well, at least he's interesting. I like my villains with a generous amount of humor (like Hackman in those Superman movies), and there's a lot to like about Rourke's Ivan Stinko or whatever his bad guy name when he's doing normal human stuff--building stuff, sulking, sitting in a prison cell, talking to Sam Rockwell. All the action scenes with his character are really stupid though, and he's really not much of a foe for Iron Man or the other Iron Man. And then Nick Fury comes along ("I'm going to have to ask you to exit the donut.") and brings Scarlett Johansson with him. My God! That Scarlett Johansson is something, isn't she? She really is the perfect woman. She gets to kick people while wearing that tight black Black Widow outfit, and there are a couple guys who are knocked out of commission in this in ways that could make the average warm-blooded male swoon. That's it--it's settled. When I die, I want the cause of death to be Scarlett Johansson's legs, probably while listening to her sing a Tom Waits song. There's plenty of action and a climax with a lot of cool flying effects and explosions that I could write about, but I'm way too distracted right now.

A Million Ways to Die in the West

2014 snoozer

Rating: 8/20

Plot: A sheep herder wants to get out of the titular deathtrap but falls in love with the wife of a dangerous outlaw instead.

The "guy who brought you Ted" should have warned me, I guess. I don't know why I thought this would be worth my time because I haven't liked a single thing that Seth MacFarlane has done. Ted wasn't funny at all. The Family Guy is obnoxious. And this bloated and predictable Western spoof doesn't have a single laugh in it. Not one. I wanted to throw a chuckle at Sarah Silverman's Christian whore character's potty mouth or references to her folds, but that was only because I think she's cute as a goddamn button. An allusion to Back to the Future III just feels cheap, like MacFarlane ran out of ideas and had to quickly make up a new gag to help fill the two hours. Liam Neeson's as cool as always, but he shouldn't be wasting his time with something like this because he's got more movies about kidnapping to star in. Taken 6 ain't going to make itself, Liam, and your fans are waiting.

Ok, I've made my decision. Just as I decided to quit Will Ferrell movies cold turkey a few years ago, I'm also done with Seth MacFarlane. I just don't get him.

Iron Man (Redux)

2008 superhero (?) movie

Rating: 14/20 (adjusted from when I first saw the movie and wrote about it here)

Plot: I already wrote an adequate plot synopsis in the blog post linked above. Go there if you want to know what this movie's about.

Jeff Bridges smoking a cigar while riding on a Segway--see, those are the types of things you might miss if you only watch a movie one time. I gave this an 11/20 the first time which was unfair because I must have dozed off during the scene where Jeff Bridges smokes a cigar while riding on a Segway. I kind of liked Robert Downey Jr. a little more than I did the first time around, too. I guess I get what he's doing a little more, and I like how a lot of his scenes with other actors--especially Paltrow--have them stepping all over each other's lines. Maybe Downey Jr. is the kind of actor who can have good rapport with anybody.

Superhero/comic movies still confuse me, even when I'm watching them for the second time.

Here--this might be the best moment in any Marvel movie:

Seriously, does it get more manly than that?

Training Day

2001 crime drama

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A rookie cop partners up with a narcotics officer veteran who doesn't quite play by the rules. A battle for the rookie's soul ensues.

It's Hollywood grit, but it's good grit, and almost everything Denzel Washington says is poetry. There are a lot of dudes holding their guns sideways, the method preferred by four out of five gangstas, and the action scenes--the shoot-outs and ruckus-making--are often ludicrous and implausible. But the story remains gripping without with this conflict between the idealistic Ethan Hawke character and Washington's who might actually be just as idealistic if you think about it. This was filmed in some fairly dangerous locations, but I'm not sure if that really adds to any realism this might have. Actually, I don't know if I even want my movies like this to be all that realistic anyway. It flows like a modern urban Shakespearean tragi-comedy, often moves dick-first and topheavy, and it's better for it because the world doesn't need to hold their guns sideways for a movie like this to work. Denzel shines, lyrically bombastic, always on the edge of realism and cartoon. Alonzo's a good character, a cool cat that might have worked with any actor (probably a black one) filling the shoes, but Washington delivers the kind of performance that really makes the guy memorable. Hawke's ok, too, and there are times when he appears shrunken. He was classically trained in white boy strutting and wears brown leather as well as a good guy could. The rest of the cast is great, too, especially Macy Gray (that's Macy Gray?) with those fingernails, that silver tooth, and that incredible voice and Scott Glenn's Roger with his snail jokes and his forehead's resolve. And Eva Mendes' ass. That makes an appearance, completely unnecessarily unless you think about it and then it's the most necessary thing in the world. Oh, and Snoop Dogg? Who would have guessed that Snoop would turn out to be such a fine thespian? Really cool movie, though polished a little too hard. You know, for the crackers.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

2014 superhero movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: The titular hero battles the mysterious new titular threat. A guy with one eye, a flying black guy, and one of the most beautiful women on earth help him out.

The first Captain America movie was my favorite of these Marvel superhero movies, probably because I could understand what was going on the entire time. This sequel doesn't disappoint--the rare sequel that is actually just as good as the original--and throws in Scarlett Johansson and Robert Redford. And the bad guy, who for whatever reason reminds me of Darth Maul, is cool with that metal arm and shit. This has some ludicrous action sequences, but they're very well done action sequences and the special effects here--lots of swooping and superhuman fisticuffs and explosions--are the best I can remember seeing in a superhero movie. I liked the first movie because it had a little something to say about America, patriotism, and propaganda. And I like this movie because it also mirrors society and has a threat--even a weird Bondish supervillain-esque preposterous thing that ends up being at the center of all of this--that feels just a little bit real. This always kind of threatens to go a little too far and unravel into something sloppy and typically superheroish, but it always manages to hold together, and although it fails to complete tie up every single loose end and leaves you waiting for another sequel, it ends up satisfying. There are a couple dopey twists though, and if I thought about them anymore, they'd be the type of thing that would almost make me dock this a point or two until I thought about Scarlett Johansson's buttocks again. I still like Chris Evans as Captain America, a superhero who has to adjust to future he's been thrust into and is ill-equipped for, and rest of the cast is good, too. The action's what drives people to the big screen. There's a great car chase scene that looks really expensive and a terrific close-quarters fight in an elevator. But the writing, with the humor sprinkled throughout and what passes for emotional depth in a superhero comic book, works really well, too. I like this better than the messy Avengers movie and can honestly say that I look forward to the third installment.

Bad Words

2013 comedy

Rating: 14/20 (Jen: 14/20)

Plot: A grown-ass man--out of spite--competes in a spelling bee and pisses everybody off.

Jen and I are both Jason Bateman fans, so I was interested in this, his directorial debut. The drama side of this little adventure is a little pointless and probably predictable, but the comedy, likably subversive, keeps things squirmingly fun. Generally, I'm not a fan of comedies involving adult characters cursing in front of children, but it's fine when Jason Bateman does it because he was that kid on Silver Spoons. The script is littered with the sorts of lines fans of The Hangover IV would chortle at, and I laughed a few times but sort of felt guilty about the whole thing. Bateman's character is the type of character who can only exist in a movie. He's a villain, but if you're a terrible person, you might actually root for the guy even when you have no idea what his motivations might be. Most of the kids are stereotypes, but Rohan Chand was geekily adorable and had good rapport with the star. Their relationship's ups and downs aren't going to seem like anything new, but there's still enough sweetness there and enough of this ability to sort of chip away at the crusty armor of Guy Trilby, that you still appreciate it.

Bad Movie Club: The Peanut Butter Solution

1985 fantasy

Rating: 11/20 (Jeremy: 12/20; Fred: 2/20; Libby: no rating; Josh: fell asleep)

Plot: A kid loses his hair after encountering a pair of ghosts in a mansion that burned down. Later, he's visited by the ghosts who instruct him on how to make a concoction featuring just-the-right-amount of the titular spread. He follows the directions, and his hair starts growing absurdly. Then, his friend puts some on his junk. That really has nothing to do with the movie's plot, but if that happens in a movie, I'm going to mention it. Then, a sketchy art teacher kidnaps a bunch of children.

I can guarantee you that no matter how stupid you think my plot synopsis for this one is, the actual plot of the movie is even stupider. So much of this is just inexplicable, like the fever dream of a kid with the measles. There's an assortment odd characters--the villain, the father who I could have sworn was shane-movies' favorite Jack Nance, an Asian kid, a disturbing little sister. And half of the characters have these weird accents that place them in parts unknown like Superfly Snuka. There's the dark-tinted twists this story takes, the sort of thing you might expect to see in a Roald Dahl story. It seems like it was written by somebody who couldn't make up his mind what he wanted the story to be about. Hair loss and subsequent growth? Ghosts? Kidnapping? Magic? Pubic hair? One of the writers has a name that makes him sound like a Transformer though (Vojtech), so what do you expect? There are several "What the hell?" moments in this. There's a scene that takes place at a soccer game where it's revealed that the main character is wearing a wig. Of course, the game immediately ends and the kids chase the poor boy all the way home while chanting the exact same little jingle that they somehow all know. Which is exactly how the whole thing would play out in real life. Or there's the scene where the art teacher/part-time kidnapper starts painting with his magical brush and has his kidnapping victims suddenly start cheering him on because that makes a lot of sense. Or a scene where the children come up with a clever scheme involving sugar in order to find the location of the missing children, a scene that Jeremy pointed out had a bunch of random homeless people cheering on a little girl on a bicycle. Or there's the whole thing with the Asian kid and his pubic hair. C'mon, Vojtech! What the hell are you trying to pull there? It's a story so strangely told that it takes on an almost surreal quality that I liked and probably would have liked as a kid if some adult--undoubtedly, one that would have been a poor influence--had shown this to me. Jeremy certainly had fond memories of the thing. He has been nominating this for Bad Movie Club for months.

Here's a picture of a kid putting peanut butter on his head because that's something that everybody can appreciate:

Edge of Tomorrow

2014 science fiction action movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A high-ranking military dude is stripped of his rank and sent to war against some creatures from Japanese tentacle pornography. Not that I've actually seen any of that sort of stuff. And not that I'm just putting that in there to get more random perverts to read my blog although I can definitely see that happening. Hello, middle-aged Japanese men, by the way! You've stumbled--disappointingly--upon the blog of a guy who is likely to mention something like Japanese tentacle pornography but whose focus is on writing poorly and probably ineptly about movies that he's seen. Like this plot synopsis. It's completely off the rails, and a better writer or blogger would likely delete almost the entire thing and try again. That's not me though.

I thought this movie, mostly ignored by the masses because it doesn't have a superhero or a princess or come from a comic book, looked interesting, and I had never before seen a movie where a character has to live the same day over and over again. The premise is interesting, but you're really going to have to suspend disbelief and just go with flow. It's like they had the main idea for the movie and wanted the plot to be like a video game where you had to keep starting over, but unfortunately had no idea how to logically make that happen to the character. And then somebody suggested, "What about if the aliens can do that and some alien blood gets on him?" And by that time, Tom Cruise was impatient, so they just went with it. If you watched this and just went with it, you'll probably enjoy the ride. Tom Cruise, oddly, can play a successful Everyman-type character, something that really doesn't seem like it would ever work. Say what you want about everybody's favorite Scientologist (unless you like Beck), but the guy's charming, has always had the action chops, and has good comic timing. And the script, instead of being that overly-serious sci-fi type thing, is peppered with comedy which makes the whole thing breezy. Sure, it's stuffed with action mayhem, but there's some cleverness there, too. I also liked Noah Taylor and Noah Taylor's beard. I've like Taylor before. He is, after all, the guy in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou who like's Jane's hairdo. I like that Brendan Gleeson, too. I don't know if he could even grow facial hair like Noah Taylor's, but he's got a presence that I like. Well-paced, good-looking, and entertaining throughout, even when hints of romance threaten to annoy, I'm willing to bet this one will end up being something that people are more likely to watch in 25 years than most modern science fiction movies. That is, if people start forgiving Tom Cruise for getting footprints on Oprah's couch.

Silent Hill

2006 video game horror movie

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A woman's somnambulistic daughter's mentions of Silent Hill, a ghost town still burning subterraneanly after some sort of  mine disaster

I'm forgiving this movie for two things: its utter incomprehensibility and a few sort-of stupid moments that probably contributed to the utter incomprehensibility. And the reason I can forgive it for those things is because I just had to appreciate the ambition here, the creative and often haunting visuals, and an intriguing and gradually unfolding story even though it never made a lot of sense. One of the characters even says "I don't know what's going on here," and that was exactly what I was thinking. Not a clue. This pervasive, foreboding creepiness is relentless, and there's really no room at all for exposition. You wouldn't be able to see it anyway thanks to a constant slow drizzle of ash. There's a moment where a little girl comes along to explain things, sort of, but all that really does is open the door to allow all the other characters to start talkin' stupid. And there's a line--"Look at me. I'm burning."--that made me either giggle, chuckle, or roar with laughter. Still, that imagery is terrific, and just the amount of sets used for this poor woman--a hot Radha Mitchell--and her lesbian cop buddy (lesbian in my mind anyway) is impressive. And I like how the camera kind of swoons through the titular town. The ashes and dilapidated sets are the perfect scenery for a town so haunted by its own past. The acting's fine for this sort of thing with Alison Krige shining as the creepily-fanatic Christabella. Quite the name there. The "acting" from the CGI monster children or zombie nurses or whatever other kinds of creatures are in this thing--one is a pyramid-headed thing that is really strange--is a little off. They're all contorted and jerky, partially because of the animation, I think, but probably a little because they're supposed to be like that. They look like they come straight from a video game, something that makes sense since this is a movie based on a video game. It's the sort of thing that should have been a red flag for me because there hasn't been a great movie based on a video game since Super Mario Brothers. I actually swore off movies based on video games until they give me a live-action Q-Bert, but I watched this anyway. I wonder if it would make more sense if I was familiar with the video game. The score is mostly music direct from the game apparently, and although that kind of sounds weird to me--a 1980's kid used to the sounds that the Atari was capable of producing--it's really pretty effective here. Anyway, this movie's worth watching if you don't mind movies that don't make a lot of sense. Personally, I have no problem with movies that seem more like dreams than straight narratives, and this kind of works like that.

The Bellboy

1960 slapstick comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Stanley, the titular hotel employee, tries his best to do a good job at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami.

I suppose I should like this a lot more since I'm probably the audience for this. I have a high tolerance for slapstick, especially in the 1920's style that Lewis and company seem to be going for. However, although the above poster promised that I'd giggle, chuckle, and roar, I really didn't do any of the three. Well, maybe there was a giggle in there somewhere. Possibly, I emitted something that somebody who doesn't really know me would label a chuckle. Nary a roar though. Influenced heavily by the comedy stylings of silent cinema, director/writer/star Jerry Lewis's only able to sort of nail it, nailing it like I did when I worked one summer as a carpenter for a guy named Mike. I hit the nail squarely a small percentage of the time when attempting hammering, but mostly, I hit the nail in a way that bent it, missed completely and hit whatever I was trying to nail the nail into, or occasionally connected with my thumb. Once, I hit Mike. So Europe gets the elegance of Jacques Tati, and we get Jerry Lewis with his big clown shoes, but I'm perfectly ok with that because there's always room for a guy with a rubbery face and comically-large shoes. And France embraced the guy anyway, so the joke's really on all of them. I do like that this is short--71 minutes long and that includes the introduction where a guy tells us how this is a plotless "film based on fun." Lewis is good at what he's doing here, again like Jim Carey 30 years before Jim Carey, but probably not in the way you think. The character's mute, for most of the movie anyway, so he has to really exaggerate facial expressions and gesticulations which again recalls the silent era. There are some good bits--a clown car limousine, scenes where Lewis pushes elevator buttons or attempts to answer a phone, ironed pants, a sculpture, the conducting of an invisible orchestra--and they don't have to make a bit of sense because, after all, this is just a "film based on fun." A lot of this falls flat, and a lot more of it is sort of in this in-between haziness between funny and not funny. And I'm not sure where the running gag of a Stan Laurel impersonator falls on that scale. There's a great musical number by The Novelites--"Alabama Jubilee," a song I should probably karaoke if given the chance. And there are some nice moments with the incidental music as well, including some times where the music goes along with the shapes and movements of the characters, almost like in a cartoon. Unless I was just imagining that.