The Call of the Cthulhu

2005 silent movie

Rating: 5/20

Plot: A guy tries to uncover the mystery of the mysterious Cthulhu, a item you can buy at Taco Bell, eat, and almost instantly regret.

Such a terrible movie. I'm not even fully convinced the idea (apparently, taking an H.P. Lovecraft story that was supposed to be filmed in the mid-20's but wasn't, imagining what exactly that would have looked like, and then putting together a really cheap-looking laughable version) is a good one. It certainly doesn't look good, sort of like a silent film made in the digital age. Blue or green or gray screens were obviously involved. The story is a convoluted sloppy mess. At one point, there is a flashback within a flashback within a flashback. The film leaves the viewer on the edge of the seat. Suspense builds and builds until that magical moment everybody is waiting for when the monster emerges from what appears to be a gigantic cardboard box and does its Cthulhu thang. And boom! It looks like something that Harryhausen could have put together in thirty-five minutes. Well, if he was forced to wear mittens and had somebody hitting him in the back of the head repeatedly with a broom.