Hobgoblins

1988 pile of Gremlin crap

Rating: 2/20

Plot: An old man houses mischievous and deadly space hobgoblins in an (unlocked) vault behind two (unlocked) gates on a studio backlot. Kevin, a new security guard, accidentally unleashes them into the night. This is apparently a problem as they enjoy killing people by either distracting them by making their fantasies come true and killing them or by jumping into their hands and allowing themselves to be shaken violently. Kevin and his idiotic friends have to stop them!

I was hoping this would be a sequel to Troll 2, but while it sucks in a similarily delightful way, it's an entirely different story with entirely different monsters. And oh, those monsters! Perpetually grinning, sneaky little Gremlin-esque bastards! There are four of them used in the movie although it seems like a lot more than that die. I think two of them are puppets because their mouths can move up and down. The others are just stuffed things that are thrown at the actors. Their features are static and their appendages don't move at all. It's not so much a special effect as it is a special ed. effect. When this movie attempts horror, it fails miserably. When this movie goes for laughs, it fails even worse. Unless, of course, the whole thing is meant to be a comedy; then, it's a laugh goldmine! It's actually too bad not to be tongue-in-cheek, I suspect, or at least the type of thing where they started out making a legitimate horror movie but decided later they'd better try something else. The most amazing thing I can say about the actors in this is that they don't giggle uncontrollably while being attacked by stuffed animals. The characters, all brazenly promiscuous teenagers, look like the 1980s threw up on them, and nothing they do makes any sense. And I'm not just talking about when the hobgoblins have taken over their minds and forced them to hook up with phone sex operators or strip tease at a place called Club Scum. Average activities don't in any way resemble the average activities of any teenager who has ever lived. Seems like somebody involved with the production of Hobgoblins should have been smart enough to say, "Wait a second, Rick Sloane. Teenagers don't really dance in their living rooms like this. Especially for this long." One of the most awkward scenes involves a macho fight with garden tools. The fight goes on just long enough to, for whatever reason, make me feel uncomfortable. "Wait a second, Rick Sloane. Teenagers don't fight with hoes and rakes in their front yard. Especially for this long." Then, Kevin's girlfriend yells at him for being such a wimp while the winner of the duel and his girlfriend have intercourse in a van parked in the background. It's more a work of art than a movie scene. The image that will stick with me forever, however, is the first appearance of the title creatures after they have stolen a golf cart and are driving away. It's right up there with other iconic movie images--King Kong atop the Empire State Building, those two idiots standing on bow of Titanic with outstretched arms, E.T. and that dumb kid jumping over the moon on the bicycle, The Shining's "Here's Johnny" scene. The end of this movie is particularily bewildering as wimpy Kevin, who you suspect all along will do something heroic, ends up doing nothing at all. The shocking twists don't even end there. There's also a character who pops back into the movie despite being completely engulfed in flames with no hope of being saved at Club Scum. The resolution to the Hobgoblin problem appears to be the result of the screenwriter getting bored with his own script and just deciding to end the thing. Lots of laughs in this one.