Day of the Animals

1977 public service announcement/horror movie

Rating: 5/20

Plot: Global warming has made all the animals on some mountain insanely violent which sucks for the group of hikers who happen to be on that very mountain. Leslie Nielson takes off his shirt.

That's right. If you've ever wanted to see Leslie Nielson without his shirt on and playing a straight role, this is the film for you, my friends. This is a politically important motion picture, by the way, because it's the only source from which Al Gore and his scientist friends gathered information for An Inconvenient Truth. And it's an entertaining B-horror movie. You know this is going to be a winner from the get-go with the creepy clinky clunky music and shots of menacing animals. I knew I was about to see more stock footage of animals than I'd maybe ever seen in any other movie and apparently get a warning about ozone layer depletion at the same time. Quickly, a pattern develops in this movie: hiking footage, close-up of a wild animal, hiking footage, close-up of a wild animal, hiking footage, close-up of a few birds, and son on. Yes, it's as boring as it sounds. There's one amazing, almost avant-garde shot that has both birds and people hiking on the screen at the same time. I really liked Roger Barnes as Ranger Tucker. Barnes looked and sounded familiar, so I looked him up, probably remembering him in some deep part of my mind because he was in both Pete's Dragon and High Plains Drifter. He's the type of actor who can pull off a line like "Gimme a piece of that apple pie and dump some ice cream on it" while still managing to sound like a bad ass. He also gets to be the only human in the best scene in Day of the Animals. Actually, what am I saying? It's probably the best scene in any movie ever! "The rats have gone crazy!" Indeed, Roger Barnes. Watch that scene in Ranger Tucker's kitchen and try not to have nightmares about rats jumping on your face. Speaking of nightmares, let's get back to Leslie Nielson without a shirt on. I'm not sure if it's losing his shirt or the whole global warming thing, but something turns his character completely crazy. That's when we get to see what an actor Nielson is. Watching an angry Nielson (sans shirt) hitting foliage with a big stick, tossing middle-aged women around and calling them bitches, yelling "you little cockroach!" at pre-teens. I guess the lesson is that Leslie Nielson is more animal than human. And during a climactic scene where Nielson fights a bear? Jen actually checked to see if I was erect at that point. Nielson's character also changed the Lord's Prayer forever, for me at least. "Our father who art in heaven, you made a jackass out of me for years!" C'mon. That is awesome! Jon Cedar plays Frank, poorly. His death scene is a classic, actually containing the words "Help me! Help me! I'm dying! Aaahhh!" Other great scenes involve a guy doing a W.C. Fields impression (just what the film needed actually), some nifty bird attack special effects, and a woman falling to her death which is likely the worst blue screen effect I've ever seen and probably will win my end-of-the-year special-ed effect award. Toward the end, it nearly turns into Night of the Living Dead with dogs. Dogs and a guy who looks a lot like Elton John. And yes, that's as awesome as it sounds. The whole thing ends with [Spoiler Alert] guys in metallic suits that look like they came straight from that Residents music video. It's all highly recommended if you're into crappy movies or, as I mentioned, have always wanted to see Leslie Nielson's glorious nipples.

And to answer your question--yes, I was erect!