Shane Watches a Bad Movie with Friends on Facebook: Gymkata

1985 gymnastics/karate movie

Rating: 10/20 (Fred: 20/20; Josh: 5/20; Jeremy: 18/20; Libby: 13/20; Johnny: 11/20)

Plot: A gymnast named Johnathan Cabot is sent to Parmistan in order to compete in a death race so that America can build a Star Wars defense system there. I'm almost positive this is based on an actual historical event, but I don't remember learning about it in any of my history classes growing up.

Well, here's a reason to be proud of my alma mater. Kurt Thomas, the diminutive star of this action-packed movie, was a gymnast at Indiana State Universe. And here I thought the most important Sycamore was Larry Bird. Larry Bird? A guy who has never, as far as I know, fought off ninjas or used a conveniently placed pummel horse to fight over 60 or 70 criminally insane guys? Because that actually happens in Gymkata during my favorite scene which takes place in the "Village of the Crazies," a town complete with lots of giggling, slow-motion stuff, and a guy with a mask on the back of his head. I loved that scene anyway, but when he finds that pummel horse, I nearly had an orgasm. Kurt Thomas has the action chops, and not just during that pummel horse scene. No, check him out when he finds the random bar between two buildings during an early scene and uses it to kick unsuspecting villains in the face. Or when he's showing off that hybrid of gymnastics and kickery--the titular Gymkata, I suppose--and back-flipping his way right into our hearts. He's got the mullet to match, too, although he, like everybody else in this, suffers from some poor wardrobe choices. The auxiliary characters can't keep up. The ninjas in this are an embarrassment to ninjas, and some, for reasons inexplicable, have Devo hats. There's a barrel-chested guy who is one of Cabot's competitors, and he's at least really hard to kill. There's also a guy who looks a little like Jesus, only one with a rat tail. And then there's the king of Parmistan (which, by the way, I don't think is a real place) named King Khan and played, as one of my friends suggested, by Mel Brooks. Lots of taint, lots of flute (really, quite the rousing score), and lots of random gymnastics equipment. Oh, and one bewildering reunion with the character's father. I would have preceded that with a [Spoiler Alert!] but it didn't seem to matter at all. The stunts are pretty good; some of the use of dummies is not. Nobody's going to mistake this for a great movie, but it's consistently fun, and I really do think Kurt Thomas should have been in a few more movies. This was pretty much it for the guy. There should have at least been Gymkatas 2-7.