The Smurfs

2011 animated adventure comedy

Rating: 12/20 (Dylan: 2/20; Buster: did not rate)

Plot: The titular little blue people are magically whisked away to New York City, and Gargamel, along with his evil cat, are in hot pursuit so that the wizard can extract their essence. It's up to a former-child-doctor-turned-homosexual and his wife to help them figure out the big city and find a way back to Mushroom Land.

I fully expected this to be the worst thing I've ever seen. And it is derivative, each and every predictable plot point seemingly lifted from every other big screen adaptation of these old cartoons. A lot of the jokes fall as flat as jokes can fall, the animated cat face is one of the creepiest things you'll ever see, and you'll reach for a pencil to jab in your ear to save yourself from hearing that la-la-la-la-la-la song the CGI critters keep singing.

Side note: I think I might give this a bonus point for not including a "blue balls" joke.

For whatever reason, this made me laugh. There was just something so preposterous about the whole thing that I couldn't stop myself. I'm not sure how anybody--the four screenwriters it took to write this or director Raja Gosnell or any of the big name stars who undoubtedly have better things to do with their time--could have thought this was a good idea. Neil Patrick Harris? Don't you have a musical to get ready for? What are you doing playing Guitar Hero with computer-animated mythical creatures from Belgium? Sofia Vergara? You're one of the hottest actresses on one of the hottest television sitcoms? What are you doing messing around with this part that should have gone to Cher or whoever the contemporary equivalent of Cher would be? Katy Perry? Aren't you making piles of money as a pop singer or whatever you are? Hank Azaria? I know what you were doing, buddy. You were trying to win yourself a fucking Oscar for what is easily the greatest performance of the 21st Century as Gargamel. The realization of this villain, one that could have been really one-dimensional and the kiddies wouldn't have cared a bit, is refreshing, and Azaria just pours everything he's got into this role. He's hilarious as he strikes a pose and advances through billows of steam, completely fails to adapt to the urban surroundings, befriends a street person, etc. It's a performance that screams "I am a Thespian, God damn it!" played by an actor convinced Gargamel is that mean dude in Othello. Azaria alone makes this movie worth watching, but the special effects aren't terrible, and some of the smurfers in a smurf land stuff actually works. And when they finally give the cat a subtitle? Oh, that's such a beautiful bit of comedy. Throw in Jonathan Winters as our narrator, the joy of seeing the Smurfs mushroom village come to life in a live-action film, and a shot of Smurfs gang-banging Neil Patrick Harris which might be the hottest thing I'll see all year, and you've got yourself a good time. And yes, I will be seeing the sequel to this as soon as possible, and I'll probably watch it twice--once with Buster who enjoyed this one and once alone so that I can watch it sans britches.