Zatoichi and the Doomed Man

1965 Zatoichi movie

Rating: 15/20


Plot: Zatoichi meets the titular domed man in jail. The man, soon to be executed, informs him that he is innocent and pleads with the blind swordsman to get him some help once he's released. Zatoichi is sick of getting into trouble every time he helps somebody out, but eventually finds himself involved anyway.


Good entry in the Zatoichi series has plenty of swordplay but also has a more comedic tone than most of them. It's been a bit since I've seen this blind mo-fo in action, and I'd almost forgotten how much I like watching his movements, not just in the swift sword swipes and pouncing pirouettes, but in Shintaro Katsu's actions portraying a blind guy. And this reminds me of a dream I had and immediately forgot about. In the dream, Shintaro Katsu, not as Zatoichi but as himself, rides to my front door in a rickshaw. I'm sitting on a chair that I don't have that is on a porch I don't have. I'm wearing booty shorts and smoking an absurdly large red and yellow pipe with a goat's head carved into it. Orange smoke billows from the pipe, and I keep wondering how bad I smell, so bad, I fear, that the neighbors across the street might be able to smell me. Katsu tells me not to worry about it and points with a cane (again, he's not Zatoichi but does still have his cane sword) at my shorts. He says, "Your worries lie in those tight, lime-green shorts." When I don't say anything, he explains. "Don't come crying to me if somebody tries to rape you." Then, just like in all these nocturnal meanderings of my subconscious, the dream ends with my dream self weeping uncontrollably and my real self waking up in a puddle of my own urine.

Zatoichi's Vengeance

1966 Zatoichi movie, the 13th in the series

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A dying gambling cheat hands Zatoichi a bag of money and tells him to take it to his son. The title masseuse has no clue where to find the gambler's family but stumbles upon them in a town overridden with gangsters. He becomes a Shane-esque hero for the boy while at the same time questioning the decisions of his violent past after conversations with a wise wandering blind priest/musician.

Interesting entry in the series as Zatoichi struggles with his conscience and guilt and loneliness and fills out a bit as a character. Fortunately, it doesn't stop him from hacking up the bad guys by the end of the film, and that's exactly what the last 15-20 minutes are. There isn't necessarily anything new in the action sequences, nothing that you don't see in any of the other Zatoichi movies, but there sure seems to be a lot more of it in this one. Huge body count although, unlike the Lone Wolf and Cub series, there's almost no blood. This is beautifully shot with a sword fight between silhouettes on a bridge at dusk maybe being the highlight. The story is a little convoluted (a lot of these are), but this one comes together very nicely at the end as Zatoichi tidies up financially. And I'd like to mention again how good of an acting job Shintaro Katsu does bringing this character to life. The fact that I'm not tired of these movies probably has a lot to do with him.

I wonder if I should have watched these Zatoichi movies in order.

Ambush at Blood Pass

1970 samurai movie

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A ronin-with-no-name (a "yojimbo" quite possibly the same character as in the Kurosawa film of the same name) is hired by a slimy fellow to make his way to Blood Pass and "wait for something to happen." Mifune's character accepts. He goes to the place. he waits. Things happen.

More action and strewn limbs are required for Samurai Friday! I may have to go with Kung-Furiday next school year, but I'm afraid I'd be fired for a bad pun. This was a fine samurai flick though with both Mifune and the guy who plays Zatoichi, the latter with a really interesting character. This has twists and turns--a really convoluted and hard-to-follow plot--so enough is happening to make up for the lack of sword on sword action. The mountain setting also gives you enough to look at when nothing else is going on.

Sad side note: I remember watching Hiroshi's samurai trilogy a while back but remember absolutely nothing about it. I think there's something wrong with my mind.

I watched this while wearing a tie and eating ice cream. Unfortunately, there's no photographic proof.

Fight, Zatoichi, Fight

1964 samurai movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Zatoichi is on the run from some hired assassins. He agrees to ride in a palanquin after receiving a discount, but being the nice guy he is, he gives it to a weak woman traveling with her baby. The assassins, who saw their target enter the palanquin, charge in and kill the woman. Zatoichi feels bad about the whole thing and feels it's his duty to take the baby to his father in a distant village as the assassins follow closely behind.

Confession: I only picked this up because I needed something for "Samurai Friday" at school and because it made the third movie in a week and a half or so that has the "____, Somebody, ____" title. There was more drama than samurai hijinks in this one with the Zatoichi-as-father-figure thing driving most of the plot, but it's still a worthwhile piece of the blind masseuse's tale. Some quick sword action (Zatoichi only seems really in danger in one scene featuring a pair of sumo wrestlers) and some of his typical wise dialogue even if this one was more serious and, at least at the end, slightly sad than fun. Although if you really want to see Zatoichi change diapers and get urinated on, this is the film for you. There was more of a focus on the acting in this one, and it forced me to notice just how good Shintaru Katsu is in these movies as the title character. Solid story with some really beautiful moments.

No camera at school=no picture of me on Samurai Fridays. Just picture me sitting in a dark, locked classroom eating from a tub of ice cream and trying my best to ignore the fact that I have a job.

Zatoichi Meets the One-Armed Swordsman

1971 Asian genre-blending action flick

Rating: 15/20

Plot: The one-armed swordsman, Wang Kong, is travelling in Japan to receive martial arts training with some monks. He meets a family of three and decides to travel with them. They come across what appears to be a funeral procession which the young boy disrupts. The mother and father are killed immediately, and Wang Kong slashes up some people and runs off with the child. Zatoichi stumbles along and agrees to travel with them despite their language barrier. Misunderstandings lead to distrust as the blind Zatoichi and the one-armed Chinese man have to fight off hordes of bounty hunters. Lots of people get sliced open.

A gigantic body count here. There's some wonderfully poetic blood splatterin' and some terrific fight sequences. Genres cross with the Zatoichi samurai stuff (humor, swordplay, Zen-like reflection and philosophy) clashing with the early kung-fu one-armed swordsman stuff (high flying, punch and kick choreography). I prefer the fight scenes with Zatoichi (the one-armed swordsman is a pre-kung-fu boom stuff that looks a little slow and unnatural), but the climactic fight scene between the title characters is good stuff. There's almost zero rapport between them since they don't speak the same language. In fact, you're required to read two sets of subtitles to explain puns as they try to communicate. I could watch this blind bastard cutting people up all day, so it's a good thing there are about 300 Zatoichi movies. They're a little formulaic, but I still haven't seen a bad one.

This is me watching, I believe, my eleventh Zatoichi movie: