Bad Movie Club: The Legend of the Titanic

1999 animated history lesson

Bad Movie Rating: 4/5 (Josh: 4/5; Johnny: 5/5)

Rating: 4/20

Plot: Pretty much just like the tragic tale of the Titanic except a version where a mentally-challenged octopus is tricked by sharks into hurling an iceberg at the ship and nobody actually dies except for three bad people and two cats. Seriously. Oh, and I'm not even sorry for spoiling the whole thing for you.

I would like to see this movie fight Titanic: The Legend Goes On. . . for bad animated Titanic movie supremacy. I didn't think there could be a worse animated Titanic movie, but this movie, also from Italy, was up to the challenge. The other has the racial insensitivity and rap music going for it. But this one so offensively disregards the actual history and unapologetically and blatantly rips off the Cameron movie that you have to admire the thing.

The characters are ridiculous, and most of what happens makes almost no sense. This octopus, named Tentacles since the writers of this thing have no creative bones in their bodies, is about the worst character you'll ever see in an animated movie. The fact that he's responsible for the demise of the unsinkable ship makes him bad enough, but when you factor in that he does it all because of a hat that doesn't even fit his bulbous head or how he sulks in a cave instead of fixing the problem he caused or how he actually uses his legs to run at the bottom of the ocean, you'll find the creature downright despicable. The human characters are nondescript and poorly formed, except one of them gets an eye patch, an easy way to insta-villain a character. The animals talk, sometimes just to each other and sometimes to humans, and they do it like fourth-rate Disney characters. Mice scheme, a dog dances like a human, and dolphins somehow float in the air. So not only is the movie offensive to Titanic victims and historians, it will also offend people who care about science. And probably magic.

You have to love a bad movie that can make a person watch with mouth agape.

Two things occurred to me while watching this, by the way. Cameron's movie about the tragedy needed more talking dolphins, and this movie needed a nude sketching sequence.

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