1990 sequel
Rating: 9/20
Plot: Gremlin infestation in a New York skyscraper.
I was Movies-a-Go-Go-ing this one, but after learning that my friend Josh had tricked me into watching a really unpleasant film, my heart just wasn't in it. I wouldn't even bother reading this if I were you.
But here it is anyway--a collection of my random thoughts while watching this terrible sequel.
What the hell is with this Donald Duck and Bugs Bunny intro?
These flying-into-New-York-City shots always make me a little uncomfortable.
Wait a second. Was the Chinese guy in Chinatown in the last movie? Did I mess that up? Hoyt wasn't in Shanghai or wherever?
Very nearly Keye Luke's last movie. He died in 1991. His character dies in this, so he won't be in Gremlins 3
“A man can always agree with others; it is more difficult to agree with oneself.”
Is that Confucius or Bruce Lee?! You fucking racist!
The Chinese man probably died from Icky Eye Disease.
There’s nothing sadder than an orphaned Mogwai.
Seeing Gizmo walk after his dramatic escape from the shop...this sets puppetry back forty years.
Ok, here is the clip of Gizmo walking. I was too distracted by the funky walking to even pay attention to what the guy who made this video is whining about.
Coca Cola product placement!
Billy and Kate look like a pair of douchebags! What has New York done to them?
I had a terrible impression of New York City based on movies like this with characters like this.
Whoa! An Octaman spotting!
Gremlins 2 and Octaman have Rick Baker in common.
“Fred” makes me nostalgic for Sammy Terry. And with Fred’s sob story, this has taken a depressing turn. And it was already a depressing movie. “All I had was a cross-eyed puppet named Igor.” Devastating.
These 1990 movies always depress me. I have no data to base this on, but I’m willing to bet 1990 is the worst year in movies. All of these movies from 1990 feel like last gasps of a dying putrid decade.
“Oh splendid. This must be my malaria!” Christopher Lee is here to class things up!
This animal experimentation stuff with Lee’s character makes it seem like some Tim Burton accidentally got spilled on this movie. This is pretty goofy.
Now Gizmo is dancing, and Christopher Lee looks about as amused as I am. And Christopher Lee has never been amused!
This Billy/Gizmo reunion wasn’t quite the touching moment I would have expected.
It’s almost like Kate can’t remember anything about her character from the first movie. I assume the combination of this and Drop Dead Fred ruined Phoebe Cates' career. And her career had such a promising start!
I don’t want to sound superficial here, but it seems like Billy has upgraded with the redhead. Feisty!
If I had a job where I had to be by myself for long periods of time, I’d likely talk to myself nonstop like Joe the janitor. [Ahh, that's John Astin of The Addams Family fame.]
Oh, crap. Even the other Mogwais are ridiculous in this movie. Wonky-eyed, buck-toothed, and doofusy. And there’s one with a spike, of course.
This time, it’s not even the human’s fault. This one’s all on Gizmo this time.
Hostess product placement.
This movie is awful, but maybe Dick Miller can come in and save the day.
And it takes Futterman about 15 seconds of screen time before he starts complaining about foreigners.
It’s probably a blessing in disguise that the Futtermans can’t stay at Billy and Kate’s place. Now they can fuck freely.
I'm a little ashamed for typing that, but I refuse to censor myself.
“Oh, I caught myself a little terrorist, eh?” This security guy is overdoing things a little.
Mimes. For no reason at all.
God damn these sound effects!
“If we get through today alive, you’re in big trouble.” If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.
Microwave with Marge.
Kathleen Freeman, who had a very long career in a variety of things.
That’s right, Weisenheimer. It’s all fun and games until a Gremlin pops through your console and bites your jugular.
Well, at least the Gremlins made things on Microwave with Marge more watchable.
I guess the Bugs Bunny thing at the beginning was a warning that this was going to be way more cartoonish than the first one. I should have heeded the warning.
That paper shredder Gremlin death was disgusting. Did Billy's mom write that part of the screenplay or something?
And Kate just died in an elevator mishap. R.I.P., Kate.
I was slightly aroused during that elevator sequence, by the way, and I’m not nearly as ashamed as I should be.
I’m going to have to see what Leonard Maltin, who has a cameo in this, rated this movie. [Well, he didn't like the first movie and gave this second one a favorable rating. That guy is a total punk.]
Leonard Maltin reviewing the original Gremlins during the sequel? That’s meta! And it makes no sense!
Did Christopher Lee bail out or something? I haven’t seen him in a while.
Oh, just as I mentioned him.
Now one of the Gremlins has mutated into a Gremlin with glasses. And it’s talking. And I really want to turn this movie off. Anybody but Tony Randall here, and I might have turned this off.
This is around the same time when Randall had a baby at the age of 80 or something, right? Maybe he used this voice gig to get laid. “Hey, you know I was the voice of that smart Gremlin in the sequel?”
Flying effects, reminiscent of any flying-monster loose in the city movie from the 80s (Q, for example).
Caught a Wilhelm scream in this chaotic scene in the office building.
Dick Miller pretending to fight a flying Gremlin can’t be the proudest moment of his career.
And there’s a camel running around the building while Christopher Lee says, “Oh, the horror! The horror!” I’m finding it almost impossible to believe how bad this movie is.
The Gremlins, as they mess up the film and make shadow puppets, are the real heroes here.
Nude volleyball, Paul Bartel, and Hulk Hogan? This movie has fucking lost its mind!
I don’t want to just pass over the Paul Bartel cameo like it’s nothing. It’s by far the best part of this dismal movie.
The best part of ANY movie!
A character just said, “This is a complete failure.” You aren’t kidding, character!
I don’t even know what to say about the Dick Miller vs. Gremlin with a dentist drill scene. And now there’s a spider Gremlin.
Gizmo to the fucking rescue! You knew he’d have to Rambo-Up in this.
Kate is now telling a story about Lincoln’s birthday. This movie is definitely self-aware, but I’m not sure it’s self-aware about how self-aware it is.
Damn, that’s a lot of Gremlin action during this “New York, New York” scene. There have to be over 100 puppeteers here.
“Hubba Hubba.”
“Hey, I’ve got a bunch of ideas for what we can have the Gremlins do? Like, some visual gags.”
“Ok, let’s use them.”
“But...you haven’t heard any of them? And there are probably too many to squeeze in. . .”
“No, that’s fine. You had me at ‘bunch of ideas.’ Let’s use them all!”
In all this chaos, I’ve missed the plan. Why are they spraying water on them?
The word “avuncular” was just used, apparently because the writer of this thing has a “Word of the Day” calendar but ate the definition part of the day where “avuncular” was the word.
That’s a weird ending, one that suggests the third Gremlins movie might have to do with the offspring of a human and a Gremlin. I’d see it if promised at least and R-rating.
Dick Butkus was in that? I missed him. Maybe he was standing behind Hulk Hogan's pythons or something.
That's it. I'm profoundly disappointed in my friend Josh.
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