Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

1971 kid flick

Rating: 18/20 (Jen: 17/20; Dylan: 14/20; Emma: 17/20; Abbey: 20/20)

Plot: The reclusive and eccentric titular candy maker holds a contest to invite five annoying children for a tour of his titular factory and a lifetime supply of his scrumptious titular confectionery treats. The tour ends early for some of the children who have poor listening skills. Grandpa Joe gets gas.

I just now realized that this movie is older than me.

Here's a link I stumbled across that suggests Gene Wilder had a lot of influence on the iconic character created in this. It's a great read, not only because it adds a bit to the genius of Wilder's performance but because it shows how classy that guy is. My 4 1/2 readers know that I love Johnny Depp and don't mind Tim Burton, but when I heard that remake was going to be made, the first thing I said was, "No, that's not right. Gene Wilder is Willy Wonka." And I know that I made the outrageous claim that this movie contained the greatest acting performance of all time, but that was actually wrong. The greatest acting performance of all time belongs to Gene Wilder for his work in this movie. Look no further than the wildly grotesque boat ride which not only gives Gene a chance to show his chops but just might be the greatest scene that takes place on a boat in movie history. That song, by the way, has lyrics that are from Dahl's book. I love all of Wonka's sneaky literary allusions which are not in Dahl's book: "Where is fancy bred--in the heart or in the head?" from Shakespeare, "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams" from O'Shaughnessy, Oscar Wilde, Ogden Nash, John Keats. It's like a sweet-toothed lit. major's wet dream! Wilder's multi-lingual tour guiding, the deadpan humor, the curly hair, the somersault, the schizophrenic tone switcherooing, the dance moves, his sweet singing voice, the fluidity of his movement. It's all so brilliant, one of the most whimsically dark characters. As I've said many times, Wilder's most fun to watch when his character is angry, and I try to find as many opportunities as I can in life to imitate his "You get nothing!" near the end. I'm also going to start each school year by saying my classroom is where "all my dreams become realities and some of my realities become dreams" before weeping uncontrollably. Anyway, enough about Gene Wilder and his character. You don't need me to convince you that this is the greatest performance in the history of acting.

All the kids are good, even if they're good in really exaggerated ways. You hate them all, except for Charlie, and you're supposed to. Violet's gum chewing and annoying voice, Veruca's whining, Augustus's general shape, Teevee's know-it-all attitude. You don't mind when terrible things happen to these children because they're really awful young people. Their demises work as little object lessons, too, the dangers of not taking care of one's body, of being too prideful or just a little snotty or mean, of greed, of ennui. Those Oompa Loompas. They'll get you, like enforcers of the consequences of the Seven Deadly Sins. If I counted correctly, there were ten Oompa Loompas in the credits. One was in Labyrinth, one was in The Elephant Man and Time Bandits, one was in fourteen of seventeen episodes of The Prisoner and Magical Mystery Tour, one was in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, one not only played three different characters in A New Hope but was in Willow and two Harry Potter movies, one was an Ewok and acted in both Labyrinth and Willow and Time Bandits, one was not only in one of those C.S. Lewis movies but played a character called Dwarf--Eater of Cars in something called Born to Boogie and was also in Magical Mystery Tour, and one was only in this move. And one of them was named Pepe Poupee (I shit you not!) and was actually a woman (I still shit you not!)! What's it say that all the winners of Wonka's contest are Caucasians, by the way? Anything? And I was surprised to find that Peter Ostrum is another of those great one-and-dones and that he didn't have a single other acting credit. He's as perfect for Charlie as Wilder's perfect for Wonka, and I think a lot of that has to do with his hair. Like Wilder, I guess. The only gripe is that Ostrum's belching is wack. If you're about to be dismembered by a ceiling fan because a carbonated beverage is making you float and you can only save yourself by belching, you need to do it like a man. I'll mention one more performance that I like: David Battley as Charlie's teacher, Mr. Turkentine. I used to think that was Paul Benedict, but it's not. He's hilarious anyway, and one of the funniest lines in the movie that nobody would ever mention is his--the "Well, I can't figure out just two!" when he's teaching percentages. Oh, wait! I am going to mention one more character--Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark is in this movie! Not the actor, the character--the dude who whispers to the children after they win. Or maybe I'm just on drugs.

Speaking of drugs, what a wonderful world the makers of this create without the need of computer graphics or a lot of special effects. The big candy room? 1/3 of it was actually edible according to Gene Wilder. That river? Yep, actual chocolate. Those wacky machines with their funky moving parts. So much color and so much fun. I'll take this old school set design over what Tim Burton did any day.

This is the second musical my family and I have watched for our summer family movie nights. A lot of the songs are great, too--"The Candy Man," a Sammy Davis Jr. staple; "I've Got a Golden Ticket"; "Pure Imagination," another great Gene Wilder moment; all the Oompah Loompah songs. Now "Cheer Up, Charlie" is pointless and shitty, and although Veruca Salt's "I Want It Now" isn't a terrible song, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Why does one of the children get a song before leaving while the others don't? This would be a memorable movie without the songs, but the songs make it even more memorable.

One of my favorite children's movies that are really made for adults. It's not for adults, you say? Well, go ahead and check for yourself what a snozberry is then. Oh, it's just so hard to not love Roald Dahl.

Bonus point for Pepe Poupee.

Blazing Saddles

1974 comedy

Rating: 14/20

Plot: A Wild West town inhabited by a bunch of people with the surname Johnson is conveniently or inconveniently right where somebody wants to put railroad tracks. Some bad guys try to run off the Johnsons, and when that doesn't work, they appoint a black sheriff with the hope of offending them right out of town. The new sheriff has to win over the people with the help of a gunslinger named the Waco Kid.

I don't really think this is a very funny movie. The humor's dated, the meta stuff at the end isn't as cute as Mel Brooks thinks it is, Mel Brooks isn't as funny as he thinks he is and of course gives himself two roles, and the lowbrow comedy is completely unironic in an almost disturbing way. Yeah, I'm looking at you fartin'-and-burpin'-around-the-campfire scene. It's bold in the way it addresses race, but its jabs at homosexuality are antiquated. Brooks and the other writers seem to be attempting to mash together smart and stupid, slapstick and satire, and it only works occasionally. Then again, it's hard to argue with explosions that lead to flying and flailing horses, a pie fight that involves Hitler (a pie fight, Mel? Really?), Gabby's mumbling, and the demonstrations of the Waco Kid's shooting skills. There are also some clever anachronisms, and I like the cheesy Western theme music stuff that they use. And Gene Wilder and Slim Pickens in the same movie? You can't argue with that either. Well, you could argue with that, but you would lose. Hearing Slim Pickens say things like "What in the wide world of sports is going on here?" or "We'll make Rock Ridge think it's a chicken that got caught in a tractor's nuts" or "You use your tongue prettier than a twenty-dollar whore" makes up for the stuff in this that doesn't work. Gene Wilder seems high in the majority of his scenes here. Harvey Korman and Cleavon Little are also good. Korman's finest moment is the list he gives for who he wants in the army being put together while Little's would be when he holds himself hostage.

The Producers

1968 comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: An accountant and a theater promoter come up with a can't-miss plan to swindle their way into riches by getting people to invest in a show guaranteed to be a flop--Springtime for Hitler. The plan does not go as expected.

It's Gene Wilder in the Unhinged Character Hollering Competition of his life! Good ol' Gene can get frantic, upset, and angry with the best of them, but flabby Zero Mostel as the producer and unlikely ladies' man, Kenneth Mars as the play's writer, and Dick Shawn as the titular dictator in the musical-within-a-movie all give him a run for his money. Watch Wilder going bonkers over his blue blanket, however, and you'll want to hand him an award of some kind. There are some classic moments and a lot of stuff that seems dated, but it's hard for me to see a room full of Hitlers practicing their saluting and not want to laugh. And remember, the fuhrer never said baby. That's all I have to say about this movie.

Young Frankenstein

1974 comedy classic

Rating: 18/20

Plot: A descendant of Dr. Frankenstein tries his best to live a life of obscurity but can't escape his famous ancestor's reputation. He inherits his castle, gets himself a hunchbacked Igor and a sexy laboratory assistant, and finds the notorious doctor's secret library. He begins to experiment.

I'm just going to say it--Gene Wilder's work in this is the greatest acting performance of all time. Let me make sure I'm being clear here because I'm not just talking about a performance in a comedy or a performance by a person with hair like that. I'm talking about the greatest acting performance of all time. His highs and lows are pitch perfect, and so is his comic timing. And I just love it when Gene gets mad. It's exhilarating, and I would honestly not be surprised to open a National Geographic and find an article about a tribe of people in some country I've never heard of who do nothing with their time but chew on leaves and have religious experiences while watching scenes from Gene Wilder movies. Now I'll accept one argument to my claim that this is the greatest acting performance of all time. Only one though--that Gene Wilder tops himself as Wonka. I'll give you that. The psychedelic boat ride scene with that creepy poem is about as good as it gets. But his work in Young Frankenstein has got to be in the top two. The rest of this cast is great, too. Love Feldman's hammy Igor, Boyle's monster, Leachman's Frau Blucher, and Teri Garr's Inga, the latter with sex appeal that rivals Mamma Fratelli's. Kenneth Mars' inspector character isn't around much but nearly steals every scene he's in with a Peter Sellers-esque role. Not all the gags work here, expected with something that Mel Brooks put together, but when this connects, it hits hard. Fans of childish word play will have a head start. And I really like how Brooks keeps things classic with the black and white, the score, and the elongated exterior and interior shots of the castle. One could argue, by the way, that things go a little too far with a song and dance number when Frankenstein and his creation perform "Puttin' on the Ritz" as it almost clashes with that classic feel. But you know what? Just thinking about that scene cracks me up so much that it's difficult to both type and swallow. And I know that tribe in the National Geographic loves that scene. That's probably why they don't wear pants actually!

Me: Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein--greatest performance in movie history.
Jen: Gene Wilder? What happened to his career?
Me: He had cancer.
Jen: That's not funny.

Rhinoceros

1974 absurdist play adaptation

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Suddenly, everybody is turning into rhinoceroses, and Gene Wilder doesn't approve. Pressures to become a rhinoceros are driving him mad, mad enough to raise his voice in that strained high-pitched way he does in every single one of his movies. But he'll continue resisting or die trying.

I didn't know this existed, or I likely would have watched it in high school and told everybody that it was my favorite movie. It addresses an issue that I was fond of back then (conformity, the same issue my movie Are You Asleep? addressed so elegantly and professionally), and I liked Ionesco. We even (incredibly) read Ionesco's The Sand Box in another class taught by the teacher who taught the class I made my movie for. No wonder that nut case was my favorite teacher. Anyway, Rhinoceros. Ionesco? Gene Wilder? I expected to dig this one, but it was way too long, way too stupid (read: it misses "absurd" and hits stupid squarely between the eyes), and way too repetitive. You get the message about halfway through and then it's drilled into your head by Gene Wilder's strained, high-pitched voice until you're almost ready to tell the kids they can turn Spongebob Squarepants back on. And speaking of Spongebob, what's the appeal of this show? I know why kids like it, but why do so many adults seem offended when I groan whenever the show is mentioned? "You don't like Spongebob?" No, I don't. And you shouldn't like it either. Anyway, Rhinoceros. And Gene Wilder. Don't get me wrong--I actually like Gene Wilder, and he is one of the bright spots in this otherwise dismal film experience. Zero Mostel's completely bloated performance is fine, too. But this just goes on and on and on, and there's not a single line or visual gag that made me smile, let alone giggle until my groin itched. And speaking of itching groins, should I have mine examined by a doctor? I seem to scratch obsessively, sometimes with my wooden "tea-stirring" spoon. Think it's a fungus? Anyway, Rhinoceros. This is proudly a low budget affair; there's not a single rhinoceros to be seen, the creatures' attacks are rudely pantomimed instead. That's pretty neat actually, as I think that's exactly how it works in the stage production, but after the fourth or fifth time seeing the characters looking at the camera and screaming, "There's another rhinoceros! We have to do something! Ahhhh!", it gets to be a little much. I also really enjoyed one scene where Wilder's character is walking the streets and can't see anybody's heads, sort of like how genitalia was concealed behind things in one of those Austin Powers movies. Or maybe all of the Austin Powers movies. Those weren't very good either. Anyway, Rhinoceros. Or not. Maybe it's not really interesting enough to waste a lot of words on.