Super Mario Bros.

1993 action adventure

Rating: 4/20 (Jen: 1/20 [She couldn't make it all the way through though. "If you'd let me give a movie a zero, I would. I'd even go into the negatives with this one."], Dylan: 2/20, Emma 9/20, Abbey 15/20)

Plot: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario (no, I'm not kidding) have to save the world from the nearly-sinister Dennis Hopper and his devolving (like, reverse evolving) machine. They also have to save their girlfriends. There's a subplot that involves Luigi attempting to lose his virginity.

It's a sensory overload. Everything is so big and loud here that it actually becomes repulsive. Power Rangers-esque effects, terrible acting, a story that makes little sense and barely resembles the video game at all, and a bad bad script featuring humor from the 80's combine forces to make a four and a half hour film that makes you wish you were watching somebody play the video game instead. In fact, I would have rather watched somebody play the first level of the video game over and over again (having the first menacing turtle thing kill Mario in the exact same way every time) while having somebody else hit me in the back of the head repeatedly with a plastic pipe. This should have ruined careers. John Leguizamo...ok, maybe his career was just starting out. But what the hell were Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper thinking involving themselves in this? Or Mojo Nixon. If your movie don't got Mojo Nixon than your movie could use a fixin'? Hoskins, at least, acknowledges that this is the worst thing he's ever done. I'm more embarrassed for Hopper. Hearing him recite lines like "You know what I like about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time" was painful. This was the first movie based on a video game, and it probably should have been the last. The 90's weren't great for movies anyway, and this is one of the worst of the decade.

Note: I did doze off once during this movie, but I don't think I missed anything important.

Here we are. Jen may be a little mad at me here. Goomba shoe!