Bad Movie Club: The Little Panda Fighter
2008 animated rip-off
Bad Movie Rating: 2/5 (Mark: 1/5; Josh: didn't make it)
Plot: I don't want to talk about it.
Ursinho da Pesada is the Portuguese title of this offering from Studio Brinquedo of Brazil. This is apparently what they do, and I have to assume "Brinquedo" is Portuguese for "Bottom of the Barrel." Or maybe it has something to do with plagiarism? Shamelessness? Toilet?
The animation is slightly worse than the animation in Foodfight!, and if you've seen that, you know just how bad that must be. The movements of these animals are unnatural, and they each have only a single facial expression. It's unnerving actually. They all look rubbery, and I can't even tell what kind of animals they're supposed to be. The panda and a polar bear are obvious, and I just have to assume the others are some sort of bear. Or melted caramel in the shape of alien animals. During Bad Movie Club, I compared one to a dead fetus with a mustache, one to the aliens in Mac and Me, one to bison shit, and one to chewed-up taffy. I'm also not sure about the clothing situation here. The lack of clothing on these genital-less animals almost seems grotesque.
One of them is a fucking Care Bear. I don't even think I'm imagining that.
The movie doesn't sound much better than it looks. Stock sound effects, voices that don't match the animals' lips, and an awful score conspire to drive the audience mad. And the pacing of this can only be described as excruciating. There are two scenes where the panda character is walking from a door to the polar bear's desk, and they seem to take five minutes. I'm not sure if it was for comic effect or it was just plain ineptitude, but to spend that long showing that in a movie that was just a bit over 50 minutes doesn't seem right. I don't know how I can complain though because I asked for a montage and got one. It even climaxed with a Rocky-like sprint up some steps, steps that seemed to be out in the middle of nowhere. That, I'm not ashamed to admit, might have been when I climaxed, too.
A washing machine might have actually gotten more screen time than all but four of the characters in this.
One gross little detail--the character who looked like bison shit had a perpetually runny nose. Like, there was this stream of snot that just hung from his nostril in all of his scenes. What the hell, movie?
I can't imagine how disappointed a child watching this because he or she thought it was Kung-Fu Panda would be. It would definitely be something brought up in future sessions with a therapist.
I'm going to try to go to sleep and hope that I can forget all about this movie.