Bad Movie Club: Ankle Biters

2002 little person vampire movie

Bad Movie Rating: 2/5 (Fred: 3/5; Josh: 3/5; Libby: no rating; Johnny: no rating)

Rating: 3/20

Plot: Dwarf vampires are on the loose, and it's up to the director of this movie (a vampire) and his partner (a little person) to stop them!

Three feet tall! Two-inch fangs! Three feet tall! Two-inch fangs! The song over the closing credits of this disappointment is the only thing about it I'm likely to remember in a few months. This was our four-year anniversary of Bad Movie Club, and we had high expectations with this no-budget, straight-to-video straight-horror film. There's really nothing horrific about it unless you count the screenplay or the sound editing. Mostly, the movie is just these three little guys lurking around like some sort of vampire motorcycle gang without motorcycles and without the ability to turn into bats.

Not all that scary, right? There are really dopey, barely-choreographed action sequences where they're fighting, but mostly they just stand around looking tough and biting people sometimes. Not on the ankles though. They do bite necks, just like normal vampires. I'm not sure if that adds to the disappointment or not. I do know that the name of this movie is a lot better than anything in the movie with the possible exception of that "Three Feet Tall, Two-Inch Fangs" song.

The best little person actor was Michael Moore who played star/writer/director Adam Minarovich's sidekick, T-Bone. And no, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's not liberal filmmaker Michael Moore because this movie doesn't quite have the budget to Hobbit-ize him. That would have been something though. No, this Michael Moore has no other film credits, so I have to assume he actually died when his character did.

Oops! Spoiler alert!

I wouldn't recommend this movie to bad movie buffs. It's nothing that needs to be seen by anybody.

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