2012 found footage smorgasbord
Rating: 16/20
Plot: A collision of hundreds of Christmas video footage showing the viewer that although everything is terrible, everything is even more terrible during the holiday season.
And now I have another holiday tradition.
You know what this is? It's a love letter to Jesus. That's what this is. It even starts with the words "Happy birthday, Jesus" on the screen. And from there, you get example after example after example and examples piled on top of other examples of just how appalling human beings are around Christmas. You get scenes from classic movies, the kinds of movies where little kids watch Santa stab a dog to death with a spoon; more singing animals or people in animal costumes than you'd ever care to see; a whole lot of Alan Thicke, including footage with Kirk Cameron's dad hanging out with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and rapping, "He sees you eat your pizza;" Kirk Cameron himself sharing the true meaning of the holiday, because apparently crass commercialism isn't really the true meaning; lots of white people rapping; a choir singing to some very confused Native Americans; a glorious elf montage and an extended scene with some unfortunate Jar-Jar Binksian character named Tanglefoot; a Jesus cake topped with His blood; lots of Santa violence. Hanukkah gets its turn, too, most notably with a (yes, white guy) rapping about the festivities while wearing a gaudy Star of David necklace that Flavor Flav would probably find excessive. Along with the excess Alan Thicke, there's a lot of out-of-context Henry Winkler as Scrooge in his darn good version of A Christmas Carol. If I ever see that one again, there's no way I'll be able to watch it the same. As always with these Everything Is Terrible! folks, this is assembled from an impossibly bulbous collection of videos, and the amount of time that would have to be put into watching all of this crap, sampling the best (read: most terrible) bits, and then recontextualizing it all is staggering. And it's not just mindless reappropriation either. A "sad time" montage says a little about how the holiday season really makes some people feel, and a lot of this is works as an almost-sickening display of our commercialism. Perhaps it should be the type of thing that should make me cringe, fall into a hopeless depression, or vomit my figgy pudding. And yes, there's a lot in this that you'd describe as cringe-worthy, but for the most part, this kind of stuff just makes me laugh and laugh. Just watch this and try not to giggle at the lengthy montage of Santa violence. Or my personal favorite terrible moment--singing kitties juxtaposed with a shot of Jesus covering his ears in pain.
Also--you might miss it if you blink, but I believe there's a suggestion in this that Duane (a dancing blond kid who makes frequent appearances in these Everything Is Terrible! movies) is the son of God. And really, at this point, who am I to argue with that?
No comments:
Post a Comment