Bad Movie Club: The Humanoids
1979 Italian sci-fi movie
Bad Movie Rating: 3/5 (Josh: 3/5; Fred: 2/5; Johnny: 3/5; Libby: didn't finish and maybe didn't even start)
Plot: Bad guys--the Vader-looking guy, a bald guy, and that woman with the weird hair and cleavage at the center of the poster even though she's not one of the main characters--create a Humanoid out of a James Bond villain (or caveman) in order to take control of Metropolis. It's up to an Asian kid, a robot dog, a braless woman, and an Italian guy with great hair to stop them.
This starts unpromisingly enough with a familiar blue-texted scroll and a space ship that looks suspiciously like a Star Destroyer. From there, you've definitely got parallels to A New Hope, but thankfully, it goes its own direction--its own stupid direction. There's a silly robot dog, the R2-D2 of the show; a naked woman being pierced by a wall of needles because Princess Cleavage up there needs her serum; angelic space mimes with laser arrows; the Darth Vader character showing off his laser hands, jazzy blue hands that shoot blue lightning streaks that would be deadly if he had better aim; weirdly-shaped spaceships; lots of shots of the same four or five Stormtrooper guys (only they're in black armor) dying over and over again; and that Asian kid who has abilities that might remind you of the force. Things never really move beyond nearly-interesting with this, but it's fun to watch Richard Kiel do what he does best--grunt and destroy things and be way bigger than everybody else. Fred described it all perfectly as "Eegahhhhhh innnnnnn Spaaaaaaccceee."
Did Ennio Morricone phone it in with his score for this or was he really trying his best?
I forget the other question that I had.