2007 Transformers rip-off

Rating: 3/20

Plot: People vs. robots, in the future.

The Asylum is a production company that attempts to capitalize on current movie blockbusters by putting out their own really low-budget, direct-to-dvd movies. There's a Sherlock Holmes one on the old blog somewhere, and although it nearly bored me to tears, I decided to watch this one anyway. I thought there might be some unintentional comedy. But no, director Leigh Scott and his cast of terrible actors only succeeded in giving me something really dull and incomprehensible. The nicest thing I can say about this movie is that the robots look a lot better than the birds in Birdemic: Shock and Terror. And that's surprising since it seems the entire budget for this movie was blown on strobe lights. It's really an ugly movie though. Leigh Scott did discover split screen about halfway through the production and uses it for no reason at all, but everything's so murky. I've seen video games that look a lot better than this. I'm really glad the survivors of this alien robot war are all good looking though. Otherwise, I don't think anybody would have a reason to watch this at all. I'd probably want to watch the movie with my eyes closed. Well, the dialogue's also pretty terrible ("I got a bogey on my ass! I can't shake him!") so I'd probably want to watch with my ears closed as well. The acting is universally bad. Sarah Hall plays Blair, and initially, I thought she was about as awful as things get, but the rest of the acting is so bad that it was impossible for me to have any of them stand out. Although I will say that Michael Tower, the guy who plays a nerdish doctor, makes a pretty good effort to stand out. He's playing the stammering-nerdy-doctor-amidst-alpha-males stereotype like a pro though. There are times when he finishes a line and then looks around like he's expecting somebody to yell "Cut!" and make him do it all over again. Oh, and there's a woman named Amy Weber in this who I could have sworn is related to Elizabeth Berkley. She's not related, but her first acting gig was in the "Screech's Spaghetti Sauce" episode of Saved by the Bell. And she was a professional wrestler. Ok, that's enough time spent with this movie. I can't believe I watched the whole thing. I might be done with The Asylum after this and probably should have been before.

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