The French Connection

1971 action thriller

Rating: 18/20

Plot: Long before he would meet Olive Oyl, Popeye works with his partner in the narcotics unit where he tries to stop that guy in those Bunuel movies from making life a lot more fun for people in New York City.

One of my least favorite movies ever is The French Connection II which I'm reminded exists every time I think about The French Connection. That movie is as terrible as this one is brilliant, just one of those nearly-perfect movies from cinema's best decade. I guess you really have to start with Hackman's performance and the character created here. That or you start by wondering why a song performed in this movie had the lyric "It's customary in songs like this to use a word like spoon." No, it's better to start with the character, a kind of anti-hero. Hackman just seems so big, towering over everybody else. I think when I first watched this movie, I thought Gene Hackman had to have been 7'4" or something in that neighborhood, and not with a scrawny Manute Bol build either but a burly 7'4". Then, I realized that this was the same guy who was in Superman and wondered where his hair went and how he lost a foot and a half. I was a stupid child. Doyle's slightly racist, probably a misogynist, and chews his gum obnoxiously. He's loud and crude, but you never deny that he's really good at what he does, and I think it's impossible not to enjoy watching him go about his business. Oh, and he sure likes his boots on women, doesn't he? Partner Roy Scheider's good though somewhat overshadowed by the star, and Fernando Rey brings some class into this often too-gritty urban crime drama as the criminal mastermind. This movie is the epitome of grit, really diving into the oily crevices to bring out the soul of the story. Things get ugly here, but it works because the world Popeye Doyle is charged with protecting is an ugly one. I'm not sure the camera has to jerk around that much though. I like the attention to detail there is, all the tiny spectacles this movie has to offer. Love seeing Hackman chasing down a guy while wearing a Santa suit, a lengthy scene where the good guys are stalking the bad guys on the streets, that absolutely ridiculous little cat-and-mouse game on the subway that was really probably too ridiculous to even work. It's brilliant stuff. And then, of course, there's one of the best car chases ever filmed. And things end with a bang, literally. A bang more open-ended than any bang I can think of, an ambivalent bang. Great movie, but I'm always a little surprised when I think of it cleaning up at the Academy Awards. Wouldn't this have been more than a little daring in 1971? Regardless, it seems like people have been trying to make another one of these for over forty years.

Sorry about the spoiler on that poster up there.

Silence of the Lambs

1991 best picture

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Prospective FBI agent Clarice is recruited to chat it up with notorious serial killer and cannibal Hannibal Lecter in order to help the agency capture another guy who kidnaps women for their skin.

This movie has a trio of great scenes mixed into a character study about a character I just didn't find very interesting. The three scenes:

1) The best scene in the movie is where Lecter touches Clarice's fingers. A lot of the film has to do with their complex relationship, and that scene stands out.

2) The second best scene involves Stuart Rudin's character, Miggs. I'd imagine Rudin has had a career trying to not be the guy who flings his jism at Jodie Foster like a naughty monkey a few minutes after he screamed, "I can smell your cunt!" at her.

3) Hannibal's escape scene is thrilling, I guess, but really only if you're seeing it for the first time.

This has about as much style as a television cop drama. It's not gritty, it's not flashy, and it's not unique in any way. The story's just kind of there. And even more disappointing is that the title is really misleading. There's not a single lamb in this movie. I enjoyed the performance from Hopkins, who I don't believe blinks a single time in this movie, the kind of psychopath that a lot of actors have done their best to duplicate for the last thirty years. Foster's fine, but I don't the character lacks dimensions even though they did everything they could to give her a nice Hollywood backstory. I'm sure feminists would appreciate the character, but I don't find it all that believable that she would be sent out on the assignment in the first place. My favorite scene with her character was a shot where she was circled by a bunch of guy cops in a funeral home. Ted Levine's Buffalo Bill was a generic psychopath, but the scene where he's posing in front of a mirror with his Li'l Bill tucked between his legs is one that haunted me for months after I saw this for the first time. The butterfly or moth or whatever thing was a little silly, and I actually laughed out loud when Clarice announced, "He's making a woman suit!" Not my favorite Best Picture winner despite that line.

The Life of Emile Zola

1937 best picture

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A 19th Century French writer makes his living trolling society. When an innocent man is court-martialed for being a spy and sent to Devil's Island--a historically not-very-nice place--his wife comes to Zola to look for help. Zola risks his own freedom by trying to uncover the truth.

There are things that are dated about this, but it doesn't take away any of its impact. The titular character is nice and meaty, the kind screenwriters create just so that some actor can tackle the role and win an Oscar. Paul Muni's that actor, and his performance is a powerful one. He seems to gain wisdom as he ages, and gets all kinds of juicy lines to make Acting with that capital A happen. His big courtroom monologue should be more famous than it is. Muni shows some versatility since there's nothing gangsta about Zola at all, and he seems to get better as the movie goes on. I also really liked the performance of Joseph Schildkraut as the wrongly-accused Dreyfus; he nails one of his final scenes as he emerges from a prison cell as an older Dreyfus, and he does it without any words at all. Beautiful stuff. Dieterle's direction is simple and probably more effective for it. There are some lighting choices and slow zoom-outs that reminded me of moves from the silent era. Other than that, there's not much style to speak of which only helps you focus more on the complexities of the story. Like Argo, the history's a little hugger-muggered, but it's not as sneaky as Affleck's storytelling. There's even a title card that tells you it's not 100% historical at the beginning of the movie. This is a movie that is never really gripping, but it's consistently interesting, and the performances make it a 1930's classic that more people should probably know about.

And I really need to throw "muckraking" into conversation more.

Recommended by Cory.

Argo

2012 Best Picture

Rating: 16/20 (Jen: 18/20)

Plot: One of those countries with all the oil finds a bunch of white people and decides to attempt the world record for the longest sleepover. Six people aren't invited, presumably because they are "dweebs," and they go whining to some friendly Canadians where they subsist on a diet of elk juice and sugar-free Pop-Tarts. The U.S. sends in a guy who they think might be Mexican because he has a dark beard to play a practical joke on them all.

This is very well done drama, tense and meticulously detailed. The period details and snippets from news footage or speeches helped nail the realism, at times almost to the point where I thought it was a little too much, like they were shoving the fact that all of this might have happened just like this in my face. It's definitely one of those truth-is-stranger-than-fiction type films. The best part about it, I think, is that it maintains high levels of suspense even if you know the outcome and the fate of all these characters. It's edge-of-your-seat stuff as things build to a tense crescendo, a final series of close calls after a whole bunch of other close calls. I'm impressed with Affleck's direction--as well as his depiction of a Mexican man--because he pulls this all off without any trickery. This is all fairly straightforward, pretty much exactly what a movie version of this story would have looked like in the 1970s if that were possible. I also liked that there was a little humor mixed in with the drama, a lot of it from the characters played by Alan Arkin and John Goodman.   Argo's got good performances, an authentic look and feel (I have no idea about the historical accuracy or inaccuracy of what's going on), a consistent tone, and a ton of thrills. I'd watch it again and probably enjoy it just as much. But is it really a Best Picture?

I heard, by the way, that they're working on a sequel featuring Boba Fett. That is definitely something to look forward to.

The Artist

2011 silent movie

Rating: 17/20 (Jen: 18/20)

Plot: A silent film stud named George Valentin isn't ready to embrace the newest cinematic fad--talkies. That which kills his career only makes the career of Peppy Miller, the gal whose career took off because of George, stronger until she's one of the most popular screen stars of all. George gets all mopey.

This pair were funny in this movie that I wrote about previously, one that had a lot more color and talking. I'm not the least embarrassed that I spent most of that write-up talking about how I'd probably enjoy having sexual relations with Berenice Bejo. Now it appears that her star is on the rise and the chances that we'll hook up are slimming. And forget about Jean Dujardin who won Best Actor because I'd have even less of a shot with him. Man, they're good in this. Dujardin doesn't surprise me. He was charismatic and hilarious in the spy spoof, and I was excited when I heard that he was the star of this thing. He did a lot with his face and movement in that movie anyway, and he's classically good looking and really fits as this Douglas Fairbanks type. And anybody who knows me knows that I like silent movies. What you might not know is that I only like silent movies because I like the look of the women. Bejo's got that look, leading with her eyes and pouting, completely impossible to ignore. Shane-movies favorites John Goodman, Malcolm McDowell, and James Cromwell are also in the mix though I didn't recognize McDowell until after the fact. It was interesting to watch this so soon after Singin' in the Rain since there are some plot parallels. This stays true to silent movies--the actors fill the screen, there's just the right amount of melodrama, the effects used seem straight from 1927. It's a respectful homage rather than a gimmick although this story wouldn't have gotten nearly this much attention if it was filmed more conventionally. Of course, nobody in America would have seen it because it would have been in French. Speaking of language, do you think Berenice Bejo would have a problem with me being able to say nothing more than "I am a windshield wiper" in French? This was a delightful little movie, the kind that can make a grumpy curmudgeon like me smile a little bit more.

Oprah Movie Club Pick for May: Schinder's List

1993 Best Picture

Rating: 18/20 (Jen: 18/20; Dylan: 11/20)

Plot: Businessman Oskar Schindler saves a bunch of Jews during the Holocaust. He's rewarded with a tree and a bunch of rocks and, long after he's gone, a movie that nobody will want to see because it isn't even in color.

So here's my question: Why were so many details changed? They're not significant details--the girl in the red dress, based on a real person apparently, survived the Holocaust--but doesn't it damage the integrity of the film? Even a minor rewrite is still a rewrite of history, isn't it? Isn't that what Inglorious Basterds is kind of about? It makes me question the historical accuracy of other things that happen in the movie, like when Fiennes character is shooting at people from his balcony.

Here's something else I wanted to bring up. Here's what filmmaker Terry Gilliam had to say about Schindler's List: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAKS3rdYTpI

It's a two minute clip. I know Cory made us watch a five-hour movie this month, but you can spare two more minutes to see what Mr. Gilliam has to say, right? I have my own thoughts, but I wanted to see what you had to say.

Another question: Spielberg refused to take any money for making this, and he doesn't sign any memorabilia related to the movie. That's noble and all, but a stronger move would have been to keep his name off the screen during the closing credits. Or at least not end his movie with a powerful scene of Schindler's Jews giving him rocks and then immediately splash "Directed by Steven Spielberg" on the screen after it.

I saw this in a crummy theater in Terre Haute when it came out, back before they'd invented devices that would enable my wife to check Facebook during the movie. Now I'm not completely sure about this, but I think that makes her almost as bad as a Nazi. Of course, Dylan only rated this an 11, not even twice as good as Dr. Strangelove, so he's probably going straight to hell. He called it "boring," and it is too long, arguably longer than it needs to be. If I had to cut anything at all, I'd maybe lose the big chunk where Goeth is going through a "pardoning" stage after that lengthy conversation that Qui Gon has with Goeth's maid. I guess I know what a scene where Goeth gets a manicure adds to the Schindler's List experience, but it could have been cut without losing much. It certainly is a long movie, but most of what you see on the screen needs to be there. I don't think our director wants humanity to get away without seeing some of this imagery. It's the same reason why people should have to read Night, almost like an act of penance. Also, this much time is needed to make what Schindler does realistic and comprehensible. You lose some of the space this movie gives the Schindler character, and you lose the real person that he was. And speaking of that real person, I'm happy this leaves in some of his defects. What we find out first about the man is that he was a selfish womanizer, and I think that's important. Neeson's so good here, both with those aforementioned flaws and the more emotional bits as Schindler transforms into the person who deserves to have a movie made about him. Fiennes makes a scary villain, a much scarier (and nosier) one than Lord Voldemort could ever have been. Just as Neeson gives the titular character some real flesh 'n' blood, Fiennes also gives his character, a character who puts a face and name on the evil and gives us something more specific to hate, some unfortunate humanity. And he's so matter-of-fact about it all. It's frightening. It's a brave part for him to grab at the age of 30-something, mostly because he's so good at being pure evil that people might not want to see his face on the screen ever again. He won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor (CORRECTION: No, he did not. And neither did John Malkovich.), and if there was an Academy Award for Best Paunch, he would have gotten that, too. As evil as that character is, he did give me a pick-up line that I'll probably use once I leave my wife for getting on Facebook during Schindler's List and will need to find a replacement wife--"I realize you're not a person in the strictest sense of the word. . ." I don't think many women would be able to resist that.

One other question: Did they really say "fuck" that much in 1940's Poland? This is a legitimate question. It's a word with a fuzzy history.

Spielberg gives us a lot of pictures that are impossible to get out of your head. The handheld camera work during a lot of this startles. True, some of these visuals just seem too easy, the kind of stuff that a director who knows his name will be the first thing you see after the last image of the film might think will get him that Academy Award. The camera lingers on children, and piles of shoes or pictures, concentration camp atrocities, and dying extras get more than enough screen time. The ghetto scene is absolutely brutal. The little boy with the ears trying to find a hiding spot and the shot of him spotlighted in that desperate situation he decides upon is impossible to forget. Of course, there's the girl in the red coat. Ashes, the slow river of blood fighting through snow, the ominous crematorium chimney. One of my favorite moments is in the hospital when the nurse poisons some patients. One woman's grateful expression and that nurse's look of defiance when the SS arrive are both so beautiful. It's powerful film-making, and there aren't a lot of people who can watch this and feel nothing.

One more thing--I think it's a little sad that I have to look up the name of the accountant/factory-manager. It's Itzhak Stern. Maybe it's just me being bad with names.

My thoughts about Gilliam's thoughts: What are you going to leave this movie remembering the most? Is it a Holocaust movie or a movie about how one person can make a difference? Do you think about how evil humanity is as the credits roll or are you remembering the goodness of one human being? If it's the former with those three questions, Gilliam might have a point.

OK, your turn. What do you want to say about our Oprah Movie Club selection for May?

Rocky

1976 love story

Rating: 17/20

Plot: The titular boxer, an over-the-hill part-time amateur pugilist and part-time loan shark bruiser, gets the chance of a lifetime when the cocky heavyweight champion of the world challenges him to a match. Balboa balances training and courting Adrian, a shy pet store employee, and prepares physically and mentally for his second chance.

This isn't a movie about just one underdog, the titular one. It's an underdog overdose! It really lays on the resurrection theme pretty thickly from the get-go with the first shot being a painted Christ and the word "resurrection" actually appearing on a sign in the background. I also love how Rocky is later compared to Albert Einstein, Beethoven, and Helen Keller. Which gives me an idea--maybe I'll tackle a Helen Keller boxing movie after I finish writing and directing my sequel to The Diary of Anne Frank. I can't watch Carl Weathers without saying, "You got yourself a stew." But he's good here, convincing as both a boxer and an actual human. He's got pizazz. My favorite bit of acting from any of these movies is Apollo's look in the 14th round after Rocky gets up again. Love Burgess Meredith's Mickey, too, so grizzled. His face is perfect for this part as a guy with 1,000 years of boxing experience. Maybe Stallone should have had his character write the movie to make the boxing parts of it a little more believable. Another thing I respect about this movie is that is that it succeeds with two hearts--the sports story and the love story. You get a brutal 15 rounds of bloody boxing, cracked ribs, blood being spat out, cut eyes, etc., but the movie ends with an "I love you!" The result of the boxing match can barely be heard in the background as Rocky looks for his gal. I really am touched by the whole thing, as manipulative and movie-ish as it is.

But let's talk about Rocky. I'm making my way through the Rocky movies, two-thirds of them for the very first time. It seems that with as much as Rocky gets punched in the head, he should become more and more brain-damaged. I think that's how brains work anyway though admittedly, I am not a scientist. In this first movie, Rocky is so simple and childlike, and Stallone plays the character as mentally challenged. He has conversations about turtle food with himself in the mirror; Tarzan-yells at a dog that I believe is named Butt Kiss; asks, "How do you spell Del Rio?"; says things like "Hey, I won't let that happen no more, about the thumb, you know?"; has trouble opening his locker, something that I see the dumbest 7th graders in the world accomplish daily (OK, to be fair, he does technically get it open, and it's a padlock problem rather than a Rocky's brain problem, but still--it took him a long time to figure it out, right?); greets birds with a "Hey, birds!" that rivals the way Tommy Wiseau's dog greeting (seriously, all bad movie appreciators need to check out The Room) and later compares birds to "candy, like flying candy"; has these goofy arguments with Buddy the driver (Rocky, "I don't like YOUR face" is not a good comeback to "I don't like your face." It really isn't.), a character who says, "I heard retards like the zoo" which made me wonder if the Dead Milkmen were inspired to write a song after seeing this movie; says "I ain't never talked to no door before" which is, if my counting is correct, a triple negative, a line he delivers after needlessly introducing himself as Rocky twice; introduces himself as Rocky to Adrian again on the television because he must have gotten television and radio confused ("Yo, Adrian. . . it's me, Rocky.); impresses girls with the old "Ahh ahh ahh ahh! I just dislocated my finger" trick; asking if he's talking too loud which, most of the time, he really is; delivers a nice "Ehh-yo" cymbal crash after his punchlines; refers to himself as both dumb and a moron; thinks turtles and a gold fish are "rare animals"; explains his Italian Stallion nickname by saying, "I invented that one day when I was making dinner." (By the way, are boxers supposed to give themselves nicknames? That seems amateurish to me.); gets egg all over himself when he drinks his breakfast; says "moo" at one point; asks, "Does it ever snow in here?" which might have been a joke but it's hard to tell sometimes with Rocky; and says Apollo "looks like a big flag."

But as the Rocky story progresses, he sounds more and more intelligent. I don't get it.

It's almost too bad there were sequels. Alone, Rocky is a great feel-good story and piece of Hollywood myth-making. And it teaches the audience a lesson that yes, even a mentally-challenged way-out-of-his prime fighter can lose a boxing match.

Midnight Cowboy

1969 Best Picture

Rating: 18/20

Plot: The titular cowboy moves to the Big Apple to make it big as a gigolo. He struggles until he runs into a two-bit criminal named Enrico Rizzo, and then he winds up struggling even more. Regardless, the two strike up a friendship and become roommates.

Everybody who knows me well knows of my affinity for Harry Nilsson, and I could hear "Everybody's Talkin'" 14,000 times without getting sick of it. Actually, I'm pretty sure I did hear it 14,000 times during the first half hour of Midnight Cowboy. Here's a classic that is not without its share of problems--the oft-imitated style makes it feel dated, as does the drug and sex and late-60's counterculture references. I'm not sure I care about the artsy-fartsy flashback sequences, but the experimental choppy editing gives this an almost nightmarish vibe that I really like. It keeps things ominous even though there's a sad humor just below the surface, almost like these two characters could have been plopped into a wacky sitcom in the late-70s and been just fine. Those characters? This movie's as much about New York in the late-60s just as much as these two, but it's a study of an unlikely friendship that never makes a lot of sense but is nonetheless touching. Voight's wide-eyed outsider, naivete dripping from his boots, keeps him likable even though he's too stupid to root for and is tough to pin down. Is he angry? He should be. Does he really think he's going to make it? He shouldn't. Hoffman creates this limping barely human character that you also like even though he gives you no real reason to like him. I like the nuances with his character--the reaching for the spare change in every pay telephone coin slot, the persistent coughing without a single covering of the mouth, the darting eyes. He's almost street smart, and you almost wonder what the circumstances were that put him in the situation he's in. And you almost believe him when he tells us that the two basic ingredients to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk. The famous "I'm walkin' here" that leads into a pedestrian's shocked "What's that?" is pure 1960's movie magic. Voight and Hoffman are both great playing these characters who really should clash, but they have this weird chemistry and the friendship they develop is touching in a very strange and ambiguous way. This is a movie made of a lot of fine moments, a couple that work almost like little short stories. Buck's "I want to see the Statue of Liberty" come-on line that leads to a rendezvous with a cougar and a remote control ends in irony that might have been from an O. Henry story that never made it past the censors. And I just love the expression on the dog's face after that plays out. The movie's also got a great tragic ending. All Dustin Hoffman movies should end on a bus, I think. And hey, that's Bob Balaban!

Urine Couch Movie Club: Forrest Gump

1994 retarded man movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Terminally dumb guy Forrest Gump, habitually in the right historical place at the right historical time, bumbles his way through a few tumultuous decades of America. He meets presidents, becomes a war hero, starts a successful shrimp business, hooks up with the hot drug addict who just so happens to be his childhood sweetheart, and runs a lot. It's all mildly entertaining.

There are tons of things that I really like about this movie. I like the cynical look at the American landscape during the 60s-80s, and there are a lot of funny moments. Robert Zemeckis, when he's not busy giving innocent children terrifying nightmares with those creepy cartoons he's currently unleashing, is real good at creating that artificial movie magic. Most of the credit comes from the special effects wizardry of putting the titular retard in archival footage of presidents or removing Lt. Dan's legs. But the delicate floatings of a bookend feather, the too-clean Hollywoody Vietnam scenes, and the period details are also very well done. I always thought this meandered a little too much and seemed thematically or satirically uneven, but then I read the book which has Gump in outer space and shit which makes the film version seem simple and straightforward by comparison. Great performances from top to bottom. I never really thought Tom Hanks deserved that second Oscar for this performance, but he really does a good job at humanizing this character who could have easily been ruined by a Jim Carrey. I believe this is the first time I ever noticed Gary Sinese, and I liked the depth and arc of his character. This is bursting with music, undoubtedly an attempt to make crusty old hippies all nostalgic. Overall, it's a movie that I can like without really crossing the line into loving territories because it just goes too far too often, yanking at heartstrings like a demented harpist and stretching a character just a little too thin. My favorite part: when young Forrest is running and his leg braces break off. It would have been better if the technical geniuses responsible for giving Clark those rubbery legs in Superman would have done their thing. Pulp Fiction should have won the Best Picture, by the way.

One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest

1975 movie that should be on everybody's top-500 list

Rating: 20/20

Plot: McMurphy is lazy. Unfortunately, he's also a criminal and has to serve time in prison where they'll make him work. But he's got a plan--pretend to be insane so he can be transferred to a mental institution and serve out the remaining days of his sentence without having to work. He adds a little chaos to the gentle existence of the asylum, changing a few inmates' lives for better or worse. He also finds an enemy in the head nurse--Nurse Ratched.

I could have sworn that this came out in 1973.

First off, I'd like to point out that I don't see Nurse Ratched, stoically played by Oscar winner Louise Fletcher, as the real villain. She's a bit passive-aggressive maybe and gets on McMurphy's nerves, more as a symbol or maybe as a woman than through anything she actually does, but it's not like she's outrageously malicious or anything. McMurphy's biggest antagonist is himself, and each time I watch this, I see Nicholson's character as a failed Christ figure who, although he does do his part to save a soul in the end, ends up getting in the way of himself as he tries to do fulfill whatever mission he might have. He takes his "disciples" fishing, retiring to the bowels of the stolen ship in order to have sexual relations with a woman (don't think Jesus did that), and botches a few miracles. Jack's electric in this, really one of my favorite acting performances ever. I love the last moments of the big going-away party at the end when McMurphy sits and waits for Billy to finish doing his business. There's an extended shot of just Jack's face, and his expressions in that fifty seconds or so show loss, optimism, fear, indecision, happiness. Amazing stuff. But the ensemble cast around Nicholson is also great, portraying these crazies in a way that doesn't blow them up into comic figures (though there is plenty of comedy here) but creates these very human moments where you really feel the characters' pain. Observe that first therapy session--you have the circle of guys who can communicate, eventually fit in with society again, or whatever surrounded by all the lunatics who will never fit in again, the ones who stand in the background staring at nothing, hit a punching bag with a cane with a persistence that makes him almost a hero, or elegantly dances to the music in his head. I really like the expression on Harding's face when he realizes that nobody will help him with his problem. During that entire scene and probably all the conversations the "group" has, director Forman uses close-ups and distance shots perfectly. Danny DeVito (I'm counting him as a little person, by the way) is really good as Martini, William Redfield could easily have won something as Harding, Christopher Lloyd plays ornery and angry so well as Taber, and Brad Dourif and his Lyle Lovett-esque hair are heartbreakingly good as Billy and Billy's hair respectively. And Will Sampson is unforgettable as the Chief. I love that scene where he's striding across the court during that basketball game, the first time his character shows any personality whatsoever. He says so much for being a mute. I also like the nurse who is always with Nurse Ratched but whose only line is a lengthy scream near the end of the movie. When I saw this movie as a youngster, its themes of conformity and freedom resonated. I think it's captured best in the looks on the inmates' faces when Nurse Ratched asks, "Did Billy Bibbit leave the grounds of the hospital?"

Now, let's see why this isn't on Cory's top-500 movie list.

The King's Speech

2010 best picture

Rating: 17/20 (Jen: 17/20)

Plot: In this hilarious remake of Harold Lloyd's Girl Shy, Harold is a future king of England who conquers his fear of public speaking (glossophobia, if you care) after driving a trolley ridiculously fast through New York City's busy streets and climbing a 12-story building. Thankfully, he lives to tell about both so that The Queen with Helen Mirren can happen sixty years later. I just don't know what I'd do if The Queen with Helen Mirren didn't exist. This also, I believe, rips off The Karate Kid. Not the original. No, the remake with Jackie Chan. I'm not sure how the Oscar people didn't catch that.

The only gripe I have here is the same gripe I have for any movie featuring a character who stutters: Mel Tillis of Cannonball Run and Cannonball Run II fame didn't get his chance to shine in a serious role. The King's Speech is that sophisticated sort of movie made so that people can throw awards at it. Not that they aren't deserved. Colin Firth's excellent as George VI. Realistic stuttering, I imagine, is difficult to pull off. I'm not a professional actor or anything although I do frequently act out scenes from my own screenplays while standing in front of a full-length mirror. And I've tried to pull off realistic stuttering, admittedly to practice in case I'm ever in a situation where I can make fun of people who stutter. Can't do it. So Colin Firth's ability to not only pull off a realistic stutter while simultaneously showing off the range of emotions that he does (quietly showing them off, I should note) is impressive. His isn't the only impressive performance--Geoffrey Rush matches Firth classy word for classy word while Helena Bonham Carter's really good as the queen. I like the way the movie is shot, too. Backgrounds are used to accentuate the characters' emotions, and there's a crispness to the picture that I really like. The movie's also not all stuttering all the time either. The natural development of the friendship between George and Lionel is just right, and there are some humorous moments in the dialogue, my favorite being during a dinner scene when somebody farts and both men point at each other before Guy Pearce's character pokes his head through a hole in the ceiling and reminds everybody that "the smeller's the feller" before blowing a raspberry, winking awkwardly, and disappearing to bugger a tart or something.

I'm starting a petition to get Colin Firth in either Cannonball Run III or a television remake of the 1970's sitcom Alice, by the way. Let me know if you're interested in signing it by leaving a comment below.

Edit: I had spelled Colin Firth's name incorrectly four times. Luckily, I fixed it before he saw it because that's the sort of thing that could ruin his year.

All about Eve

1950 best picture

Rating: 17/20 (Jen: 16/20)

Plot: Aging Margo Channing is a freaky bug-eyed alien from the planet Bettedavis who is posing as a Broadway superstar but has plans to take over the world with her alien pals. She's managed to fool everybody around her--Bill, her dopey producer and boyfriend; writer Lloyd and his wife Karen; her assistant Birdie; thousands of admiring fans. The government suspects that something is up, however, and sends an undercover agent named Eve to befriend Margo and stop her before it's too late.

This movie is too long. It's very well written, but it's hard not to watch this without thinking about how written it is. The dialogue never seems natural. And Anne Baxter's Eve is really a pretty weak character, probably because of the dynamic and more flamboyant character Bette Davis plays. Baxter does innocence just fine here, but there's nothing about her performance that makes me believe she's really manipulative or hungry for fame. I guess that might be the point since the other characters (other than Birdie) don't see it either. Having said all that, the good stuff far outweighs the bad with All about Eve. That aforementioned dialogue is literary and witty and sharp. Lots of lines, especially Margo's but also Addison Dewitt's, have just enough bite. There's also the right amount of humor beneath all the drama. I didn't laugh out loud though. The performances are great, the actors bouncing off one another and blending into the story so naturally. I like the structure of the story. There's the revelation right at the beginning that Eve is a snake. I like how instead of the narrator telling us that, we see it in the actors' faces at the awards ceremony. And I like how there's gradual suspicion about her intentions building up to Margo's drunken breakdown at her boyfriend's birthday party. That entire party scene is terrific. I also love the final scene with the mirrors. Sunset Boulevard should have won best picture, but this is still pretty good.

Slumdog Millionaire

2008 best picture

Rating: 12/20 (Jen: 16/20)

Plot: On the verge of winning 400 billion rupees on Indian's version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Jamal is arrested on the suspicion that he is somehow cheating. As the police sergeant watches the show with Jamal and questions him on how he knew the answers, his biography unfolds and we watch him growing up with his brother, becoming an orphan, and falling in love.

I really sort of hated this movie. If your favorite part a movie is the montage (fragments of a story told visually with some really terrible background music), then this is the movie for you because the entire movie seems like a two-hour montage. The story stutters along in a clumsy way that ends up getting really predictable and leaving me completely unsatisfied. I really hated the way the film looked. The jump cuts, the angles, some handheld stuff, unnecessary camera movements, the oddly-placed subtitles, the colors. Along with a deafening soundtrack that went great with voices that were nearly inaudible at times, the movie actually made me a little sick to my stomach. Everything was so loud and modern, both sonically and visually. The romantic plot (and accompanying themes) are nearly offensive, but I did like the ideas about how knowledge is shaped by our experiences. I also liked the acting for the most part, especially since a large percentage of the cast was children. I really liked the guy who played the Indian Regis Philbin. This movie tries to be ultra-pessimistic and feel-good at the same time and winds up a choppy, annoying mess that I ain't falling for. I'm shocked that this won best picture.

Mrs. Miniver

1942 propaganda film

Rating: 16/20 (Dylan: 9/20)

Plot: It's the late 1930's in England, and apparently there's some kind of war going on. I don't know much about history. The Minivers are an upper-middle-class loving family. Phin/Sven/Fin/Vin, the oldest son, joins the air force and falls in love and marries his sweetheart. The rest of the family--the title character, her husband, and two funny-looking young children--sit around doing nothing at all most of the time, but the war, as all wars do, reaches them in ways they could never have imagined.

I teared up a little but made up for it by laughing inappropriately during a scene at the end that was supposed to be heartbreaking. My only complaint about this movie is terrible child acting unless I'm missing that Mrs. Miniver's children were supposed to be mentally challenged (it was never addressed). There's some historical accuracies, touches (see: upside-down pipe) probably not difficult to achieve since this was made in the middle of things. Director Wyler reportedly made this to tweak the average Americans' ideas about the war in Europe. Surprisingly, it's not all that dated and isn't nearly as sentimentally drippy as I expected.

My father not only recommended this movie, he bought it for me last Christmas. It's his favorite movie, one of about two dozen movies he's told me is his favorite including, most bizarrely, Somewhere in Time.

Still vacationing. I don't even have enough time to show up on film!

Unforgiven

1992 western

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Will Munny's killed a lot of folk--women, children, anything that walks or crawls--but hasn't shot at a man or drank alcohol for over ten years. Instead, he's tried his best to settle into farm life with a wife and two children. His wife dies and his struggles on the farm escalate at around the same time a young buck visits him with a proposition. The self-named Schofield Kid wants to partner up with Munny to hunt down a couple cowboys who cut up a prostitute. He initially declines but eventually, with old partner Ned, meets up with the kid to travel to Big Whisky. Little Bill, the sheriff in Big Whisky, isn't happy about the prostitutes' bounty and tries his best to rid his town of assassins.

Near-classic has great acting (Hackman being the most memorable although Richard Harris is also enjoyable), great characters, great dialogue, and great visuals. There isn't much wasted here. Well, I don't care for the prologue and epilogue bookends. Beautifully structured with cranky poetry, dusty existentialism, and bloody mysticism.

Summertime is here. Summer is the season of the western. Here I am watching the first of probably many: