A Woman Is a Woman

1961 Godard fun

Rating: 16/20

Plot: A stripper desperately wants to have a baby with her boyfriend, but he desperately doesn't want a baby. That's where the movie loses all credibility because the stripper is played by Anna Karina, a woman who nearly any male would be willing to do anything for, especially if it involved having sexual relations with her. Her boyfriend's flirtatious buddy seems interested, probably because he's normal, and that creates some conflict.

This one's got shane-movies favorites Anna Karina and Jean-Paul Belmondo, the latter who looks a little like Bobby Fischer and the former who I would like to invite into every single one of my dreams. Godard creates good dreams, and he can also screw with an audience better than any other director. There's a spontaneity to this that is infectious and refreshing although there are some people who would find it intolerable. Godard and his characters constantly remind the audience that this is all just a movie. They break into song like only characters in a musical can. Michel Legrand's music stabs at you like a candy-coated knife, really maddening the way it comes in and out unexpectedly. A lot of the sounds and edits seem like mistakes, but you know it's all Godard's idea of a joke. Words appear on the screen, things like "Because they love each other, everything will go wrong for Emile and Angela." He flashes shots of random elderly pedestrians during a conversation with the main characters, and he includes a lengthy scene where characters are just sitting at a table listening to a song (the funny "Tu t'laisses aller" by Charles Aznavour) while looking at a photograph. The fourth wall is busted repeatedly, mostly in comical ways with characters bowing to the audience, speaking directly to the audience, and, in what is one of the most erotic things I've ever seen in a movie, winking. Anna Karina looked directly at me and winked. And I woke up three days later in a pool of my own juices. Wait, did I write that it broke a fourth wall? This wink broke a fifth and maybe a sixth wall. And then there's a moment where she strips because, you know, she's a stripper, and the music she performs to sounds like the theme to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, something that has the potential to travel back in time and give me my first erection at the age of four. I also liked a little dance she does in a tight blue dress. Hot Tamale! I'm glad my wife doesn't read my blog. Godard dicks around so much with this that it's a wonder he was allowed to continue making movies, but it's all very funny. They "I'll go with who performs the most amazing feat" scene made me laugh, and I also liked an argument that included the words--unspoken--"pernicious mummy." And those sounds coming from the bathroom! Oh, and I loved this conversation:

Karina: Would you rather have fish or meat for dinner?
Brialy: Fish.
Karina: What would you have preferred if you were having meat?
Brialy: I don't know. Veal.
Karina: And if you were to have beef rather than veal, would you prefer a steak or a roast?
Brialy: A steak.
Karina: And had you answered roast, would you prefer it rare or well-done?
Brialy: Rare.
Karina (getting the roast): Well, you're out of luck. My roast beef's a little overdone.

That's just beautiful and perfectly and nonsensically describes these characters and their relationship. And they trill their R's. The introduction/opening credits were interesting, by the way--large colorful words popping rhythmically onto the screen to introduce the three leads. I wonder if it influenced Gasper Noe. This movie really isn't Godard's greatest achievement, but it's a lot of fun and has this great energy.

I feel the need to point out that Anna Karina is not really naked in this movie.

The Tree of Guernica

 1975 war movie

Rating: 10/20

Plot: There's a war in Spain.

This was Fernando Arrabal's third movie after Long Live Death and I Will Walk Like a Crazy Horse, a pair of movies that I didn't enjoy or understand. So I'm not sure why I bothered with this one because I didn't enjoy or understand it either. The thing's steeped in metaphors, some that I didn't understand and flew by like non sequiturs and some that were so obvious that they seemed juvenile. Also juvenile was a lot of sacrilegious imagery Ok, Arrabal, we get it. You don't like the church very much. I don't need to see any more characters wiping their ejaculate on a statue. There's a lot of war footage and its grotesque imagery mixed into the barrage of often disturbing imagery. There are also a lot of little people, one with a naked guy who later gets a sex scene while other little people towel him off. And there's a bullfight scene with one of the little people tied to a cart with a bull's head on the front, a scene that I swear lasted ninety minutes. And there's a scene with two guys tongue-wrestling that looked like something that could have been in a Will Ferrell movie. Oh, and a giant ear knife on wheels (I have no idea how else I could describe it) with naked children running around it and a lady saving herself from rape by hurling snakes. It's that kind of movie, and I actually started hating myself in the middle of it. A lot of this has the feel of a snuff film, and although I'm sure there's a point being made with the whole, it was well over my head and I really couldn't connect to anything that was happening enough to even care that I was missing out on something. I would not recommend you watch this although it is a little funnier than The Incredible Burt Wonderstone.

Alien: Resurrection

1997 unnecessary sequel

Rating: 13/20

Plot: The Company clones Ripley, who had been knocked up by a Xenomorph in the last movie, in an effort to get their hands on an alien. Things go predictably wrong. Meanwhile, space pirates!

Lord help me, but I kind of like this movie. Nevertheless, there is absolutely no reason for it to exist. There's a lot to like about it though. First, it's got a cool cast. You get big Ronny Perlman hulking around and badassing it up. He, like a lot of characters, unfortunately has some really stupid things to say in this movie. ("So, like, what did you do?" made him sound like a teenage girl, and "Must be a chick thing" just seemed too much like sitcom dialogue.) Jeunet regular Dominique Pinon plays a cool character with an even cooler wheelchair and gets to butcher some lines in English. (Apparently, his "Who were you expecting--Santa Claus?" line was originally supposed to be "Who were you expecting--The Easter Bunny?" but he couldn't stop saying "English Bunny," forcing a script change. What a dumb line that is anyway!) Dan Hedaya acts like even he can't believe he's in an Alien movie. He overacts stupendously. And there's Brad Dourif, a guy who doubtfully can play a normal character. Here, he simulates a make-out session with the alien in one of the stranger scenes from the franchise. And there's boyish and cute-as-a-damn-button Winona Ryder whose presence forces me to give this a Winona Ryder bonus point. No pun intended! In fact--no pun at all! Oh, and somebody named Kim Flowers just may the subject of the very best shot in a franchise with a goldmine of great shots. Again, no pun intended. The problem with this movie isn't with the cast. The problem is that it's probably way too quirky and has some pacing issues. And the characters, as I mentioned say some dumb things. (Ripley: "Who do I have to fuck to get off this thing?") Why did Weaver have any interest at all in bringing this character back anyway? The character she plays here is really inconsistent, sometimes acting like one of those too-human androids with less ability to emote and sometimes sitting down with Winona Ryder's character to engage in a little girl talk so that the move can grind to a halt. She does get to show off her basketball skills in what was probably the dumbest moment in any of these four movies, so maybe she was using this to audition for the WNBA. I'm not even sure the basic premise of this movie--cloning a Ripley and an alien--makes sense, but I suppose you have to forget all about science when watching some science fiction movies. Speaking of Ripley clones, one of the failed efforts was kind of hot, and if  you've seen this movie recently, I think you know exactly which one I'm talking about. In a few hundred years, everybody could probably have their own Ripley clone in their homes. Something else I find hard to believe about all this is that there are still people who are going to be smoking that far into the future. Seems like evolution would get rid of that stupid habit. I'm a Christian though, so I'm not even sure how evolution works. Despite the myriad of problems with this movie that shouldn't even exist, it is a little bit of fun and does look very good. It's no surprise that Delicatessen and City of Lost Children guy Jean-Pierre Jeunet can handle the visuals. The special effects are probably the best of the series, right from the start with some grotesque opening credits. There's a ton of gore if you're into that sort of thing. This, interestingly enough, sets up for a sequel way much more than the third installment, Alien Cubed.

Chicken with Plums

2011 movie

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Renowned violinist Nasser Ali Khan is distraught after his violin is destroyed. Since he's unable to satisfactorily replace the instrument, he decides to retire to his death bed. His wife is unhappy with the decision.

This is a beautiful story, whimsically and imaginatively told. It toys with your emotions a little bit, starting out as a fantasy of sorts before transforming through flashbacks and flash-forwards into something that is borderline devastating. The main character is imperfect, but he's imperfect like most men, especially the artistic ones, and I had no trouble at all connecting with him. Mathieu Amalric is just about perfect in the role and reminds me of a character who belongs in an Aki Kaurismaki movie. Maria de Medeiros plays his wife, juxtaposing mousey with bitchy very well. I thought the name was familiar, and it turns out she was the beauty in Guy Maddin's The Saddest Music in the World. I also liked Golshifteh Farahani. She's got a great face and an even better name. The real star of this show, however, is its flavor. The source material is an Iranian graphic novel by Marjane Satrapi, and it's directed by her and Vincent Paronnaud, the same team that put together Persepolis. Unlike that, this is mostly live action, but it's about as close to animation as live action can be. I don't know if it's the graphic novelist's visual sense or what, but there's a style to this that I just loved. An exotic and fantastical world is created from what is really a simple story. There's some magical realism with a shopkeeper's magic wand, a visit from a twenty-foot-tall Sophia Loren, and a visit from the Grim Reaper are more out-there sequences, but even everyday things like the way a bus curves through mountainous roads is displayed in a way that makes this seem like it comes from a fairy tale. There are some cartoonish special effects that don't come close to adding to any realism but still manage to fit. There's also some stylistic variety in a hilarious black and white flashback where a teacher compares the main character to his brother and encourages his classmates to boo him and a flash-forward where an animated version of the protagonist's son shoots a buffalo out of the sky before the story morphs into a sitcom that might poke fun at the United States a little bit. There's a variety with the animation styles used, too. And there are puppets, and as my regular 4 1/2 readers could tell you, I'm a sucker for puppets. Again, this isn't all whimsy and surreal vignettes. There's a heart to this movie--"The love you lost will be in each note you play."--and it hit me just right.

I think fans of Amelie might like this.

The City of Lost Children

1995 fantasy

Rating: 18/20

Plot: An evil guy, with the help of six clones and a little person, attempts to extend his life by stealing the dreams of children. One of those children is the "brother" of a strongman who teams up with an orphan thief to save him.

Hot damn, how I love this movie! Everything about it! From the whopper of the opening with the multitudinous Santas, a chilling little nightmare with wobbly visuals, to the happy little ending, the director duo of Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet use the film medium to show us things that we've never seen before. And there's just something beautiful about that. They build a world, an unknown time and an unknown place, that we've never seen before. There's a ton of brown, dilapidation, decay, general stickiness, and it's the perfect place for this little story to take place, this grotesque little fairy tale without a glimpse of a single fairy. There's a little Dr. Caligari in the landscapes, a little sci-fi, a whole lot of imagination. Love the details, especially all the stuff in the background of the bearded original Dominique Pinon's underwater home. Speaking of Dominique Pinon--how brilliant is he in this? There are seven of him, often on screen at the same time, and his facial contortions and slapstick silliness are hilarious. Daniel Emilfork plays the evil Krankg, and he nails evil but not without a bit of humor. The scene where he becomes Santa is uproariously hilarious. Emilfork's got the perfect head for this movie and this character. I also love the Octopus twins choreography, and there are plenty of sight gags with those two, my favorite being where the one smokes a cigarette and the other blows out the smoke. I'd also watch a cooking show hosted by those two. I think Tati would have appreciated the Octopus. And then there's Mireille Mosse, a little woman with a giant head. It's another example of perfect casting, maybe one of my favorite little person roles ever. And that's just for the line "Good bye, Grasshopper." This movie is just pure child-like imagination unleashed. Flea hypnotism, Cyclops men forcing a fellow Cyclops man to watch his own murder, a talking brain in an aquarium. It's one of those rare stories where nothing that happens feels borrowed. Also, it's the type of story where nothing simply happens. Instead, you get all these Rube Goldberg shenanigans. The demise of the Octopus and Miette's breaking into a room are the best examples. Add Badalamenti's beautiful score, and you've got yourself a classic! I do believe, by the way, that this thing is symbolically chunky, a story about innocence and what happens when childish innocence is corrupted by things in the adult world. It hurts my head trying to pick this thing apart, however. For me, it's a movie to just absorb. I can still remember the first time I saw this; it put a smile on my face for weeks. Subsequent viewings are just as rewarding. It's one of those movies that I really can appreciate more because I don't remember any of my dreams. This, and a litter of other movies from the Lynches, Jodorowskies, Maddins, and Svankmajers of the world, are substitutes for dreams and nightmares that float away from me before I wake up. Just beautiful, imaginative stuff.

Amelie

2001 romantic comedy

Rating: 19/20 (Jen: 17/20)

Plot: An awkward, introspective waitress in Paris decides to become a good-deed doer, and after she gets the hang of that, she decides to help herself.

This little feel-good movie of the century seems impossible to not love. It's refreshing, like lemonade washing over you without any of the stickiness. Amelie is as cute as a peach, and Tautou just nails this quirky and lovable character. The direction is as flamboyant as you'd expect and want from something Jean-Pierre Jeunet had anything to do with, and although the surface of this story is as simple as it can possible be, its diversions are so much fun. This is definitely a case where the "Where the characters go" doesn't matter nearly as much as "How the characters get there," the latter keeping this movie fresh no matter how many times you watch the thing. Along the way, there's a tiny bit of animation, fun camera play, some narration, a lawn gnome, and a sex montage that is as much a whimsical treat as my favorite scene in Delicatessan. Oh, and I just love the music of Yann Tiersen here. Even though it wasn't written specifically for this movie, the music matches the visuals so well. Another of my favorite little things about this movie: Amelie and Nino don't have any face-to-face dialogue in this movie. There's just something so precious about that. Ah, precious! That's a good word to describe this one. It's almost a fragile little movie, so delicate that I fear somebody with big clumsy hands might come along and accidentally break the thing. This is definitely not a movie for people with big clumsy hands.

As far as I know, this is still my brother's favorite movie.

Black Moon

1975 unicorn movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A teenager flees a war between men and women and ends up at a house inhabited by an old woman, a brother and sister both named Lily, a horde of naked children, and apparently a unicorn. Breastfeeding ensues.

Spoiler alert: I thought things were a little strange when Lily (the girl one) breastfed her own mother, but the end, in which the protagonist prepares to breastfeed the unicorn. I didn't exactly understand this movie. There was the whole male/female conflict which didn't seem to have much to do with the rest of the movie. "Sexual awakening of a young girl" seems lazy, but falling panties, phallic symbols, and the suspicions of incest do lead you to that sort of conclusion. And all the animals allusions in this mama: roadkill in the first shot that sets a dark stage, sheep approach, a snake, a centipede, a grasshopper thing, other insects, a gal riding a horse, a giant pig running with a quartet of naked kids, geese or ducks (like alligators and crocodiles, I can't really tell them apart), a piano-playing kitty, a rat that the old woman talked to, a bird, ants on a piece of cheese, another snake, a chicken pecking at a dead soldier's chest, a decapitated eagle, a yard full of sheep and turkeys. That's a buttload of animals! Malle's up to his tricks again. The guy's virtuosic, a real master craftsman, and I loved a lot of those animal shots, a run through the woods, off-road Pinto action with a windshield wiper knocking out broken glass, a stunning shot of a giant tank with opera music playing behind it, underpants effects, unicorn training. There's also maybe the funniest gag I've seen in a movie all year with a picture in a photo album that that main character looks through. It got a big ol' laugh out of me. And as close readers of this blog know, I really like unusual artwork in movies, and this has a fantastic painting of a guy cutting an eagle in half with a sword while a woman stands crying next to him. This works as a surreal comedy, a little like Lewis Carroll just like it says on the poster, although its goofily avant-gardish dick-around approach might make it a little too silly to take seriously. It's fun for those of you who like more adventurous stuff. And it'll probably be the only movie you ever see with a scene where a woman breastfeeds a unicorn, so that's something.

Pepe le Moko

1937 French movie

Rating: 17/20

Plot: The titular gangsta hides out in the labyrinthine Casbah screwing various women while a guy in a funny hat tries to catch him.

I don't remember why I watched this movie. Did one of you recommend it to me? I'm really glad I watched it though because I loved it. First, it taught me a few things. The Casbah. Am I culturally illiterate for not really knowing that this place exists outside of a Clash song? What a great setting for a sort-of noirish tale about a guy everybody knows is doomed right from the start. He's doing his best to avoid prison while ironically trapped in a prison that he made for himself. And the angles of this setting really reminded me of a German silent movie or something. So cool. I also liked that there was a street called Inadequacy Street, a place I've visited more than a few times in my life. Another thing I learned: the French have funny-looking noses. There are some interesting characters here. I got a kick out of Pepe's thugs--a dude in a seersucker suit and another guy with a perpetual smile that makes him look like he's likely mentally challenged. And there's Pierrot who plays with a yo-yo constantly. My favorite scene is the death of Regis with his hysterics, an insane piano player, seersucker suit guy playing with the yo-yo, a cool shot of that toy swinging after the death, and a shot of Smiley standing next to an angel on the wall. Jean Gabin is good as the titular gangster as he has the looks and good rapport with the ladies in his life but also this consistent look of dejection under the surface. One shot clearly shows that Pepe's shirt is monogrammed with JG, by the way. I really enjoyed the dialogue in this, maybe more because it's a 1930's movie that, at least in French, didn't sound like all the characters were screaming at me. The rapport between Pepe and funny-hatted Slimane was great. "You don't arrest God." What a line! There are other terrific lines, too:

"Don't make me turn you into a stiff. You've got nice curls."

"I've got a face men love to clout."

"Some clocks read two o'clock and chime four when it's 11:45."

"Pity I don't know you better so I could smack you a bit."

"I don't like people laughing without me knowing why."

"What mascara do you use? You naughty thing!"

"You're only a half weasel."

"I told you the truth." The response: "Find another truth."

There are some great camera shots, too, some made more interesting by the M.C. Escher landscapes of the Casbah. Lingering smiles after hands are grabbed, a risque shot of jiggling mammary glands during a scene where Pepe sings, Ma's face as she plays the record from her youth, a cool looking blue-screen-enhanced (I think) walk to the harbor, Casbah architecture turning into waves, cheese, a poignant last shot of a boat seen through bars. It's just such a cool film, and I'm really glad that I had some reason to watch it though I've now forgotten what that was.

Cory, was this on the list?

Shane Reviews the Greatest Movies Ever Made: Rules of the Game

1939 Renoir movie

Rating: 18/20

Plot: It's nearly identical to Porky's actually. A bunch of horny rich people and some equally horny servants shoot at some rabbits and sneak around in an effort to get to--I think--second base with other horny rich people's spouses. Don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure second base was the only base you were allowed to get to in the 1930s. Meanwhile, a guy with thin eyebrows shows off his instrument, somebody puts on a bear suit, a coat is borrowed,

I'm making it my goal to make a board game out of this movie. If a Welcome Back, Kotter board game once existed (It did.), why not a The Rules of the Game game? I just want to give people the opportunity to say, "Let's go over the rules of The Rules of the Game the Game."

This is the first in my series of movies from the Sight and Sound Greatest Freakin' Movies of All Time list. It seems that anything in the top ten should be perfect, and to avoid ridicule from more knowledgeable movie bloggers, I'm going to go ahead and slap a 20/20 on this mo-fo. [Edit: I have since changed my mind. This movie, being a little boring, was no 20/20. Bring on the ridicule if you must.] However, a perfect movie should be, well, perfect. And I thought of a way to improve The Rules of the Game, therefore making it less than perfect. My suggestion: Add Rocky Balboa--in color, of course--but make him Hobbit-sized. If you can't figure out how that would enhance The Rules of the Game, you're not smart enough to even read my blog, and I don't necessarily mean that as an insult.

I don't think I get the cultural significance of this movie, and I'm missing a lot of context. But in this movie, this little conversation happens:

"Put an end to this farce!"
"Which one?"

And I can appreciate the sophisticated madness happening on screen. There are so many characters trying to either kill or boink each other during a climactic party scene that it was almost maddening. And speaking of that party scene, the French bourgeoisie sure know how to throw down. They also "gay up" hunting in a way that would make any warm-blooded man who owns an orange vest completely uncomfortable. But that party? You get bear costumes, dancing ghosts with wire umbrellas (I think they, with the dancing skeleton man, came straight out of The Karate Kid), and a guy showing off a bitchin' calliope. This movie's really less about the story and more a weapon to satirize rich French people in the 30s. And for people like me who aren't smart enough to fully appreciate that, it can be all about the style. There's some incredible people choreography, especially in a couple hallway scenes with people coming in and out of their rooms with instruments and tossed pillows. It's an intricate dance and a real joy to watch. The party scene with wavering lights and characters running off at just the right times--right before the guy with the creepy eyebrows shows off his organ--is another brilliantly choreographed scene. It's all pretty revolutionary for the late-30s. Renoir often draws our attention to characters in the foreground while having something else happening in the background, sometimes through windows, or sometimes shifting the camera to another character or conversation. It reminds me of both Altman and Wes Anderson, in that order. Back to that guy's eyebrows though. I think I'm going to have nightmares about those. He might be the best character though. He gets a few memorable lines including, "I'm suffering and I hate it." I also liked the scenes at the hunt, especially one lingering shot of a poor dying rabbit with a twitching tail and his paws drawn to his chest. I should probably spend more time thinking about parallels between the hunting scenes and the film's dark climax.

When this movie opened, somebody caught a newspaper on fire and tried to burn down the theater because he hated it so much. I'm willing to bet it was because of a fight scene during the party which might be the worst fight scene ever committed to film. That, or it's because the French are snooty. I never once wanted to burn anything while watching this movie although I didn't think I was liking it all that much for the first half an hour. However, this sophisticated little soap opera really just kept growing and growing on me until it became my favorite movie ever with dead rabbits and a man in a bear costume. Plus, it inspired the aforementioned board game. And by the way--if you're ever invited to play this game, make sure you bring some condoms and groom your eyebrows beforehand. You just never know.

Next up in the Shane Reviews the Greatest Movies Ever Made series: One of my top five favorite movies and #1 on the Sight and Sound list--Vertigo.

Purple Noon

1960 remake of 1999's The Talented Mr. Ripley

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Rich Mr. Greenleaf sends Tom to Europe to retrieve his son Philippe who seems to be on an endless vacation. The senior Greenleaf believed the two were BFF's growing up. Philippe continues dicking around, so Tom decides to kill him and steal his identity so that he can buy a closet full of white jeans.

That poster is courtesy of Poland in case you're wondering. I was wondering why Cory would not only recommend a movie starring pop star Prince but why he claimed to have "thought of [Shane] when [he] saw it." I started watching and said to myself, "Why is Prince a white dude, and why's he speaking French?" Turns out that Prince isn't even in this movie, and neither is any artist formerly known as Prince. It's Alain Delon, a guy I've liked in a few other movies that don't have Prince in them. He's good here, too--creepy in an almost pleasant way which makes his whole persona that much creepier. He plays the sort-of two roles here really well with just the right amount of subtle differences, and even though he's convincing as a crafty dude, he's also got this palpable naivete that makes you know that he ain't getting away with any of this no matter how sly he thinks he is. There's a great little look he gives when an old woman tells him, semi-ironically (I have to say semi-ironically since I don't know what ironic means so that if somebody calls me on it, I can say, "Well, I did say semi-ironically.") "This is no time to be killed." Philippe, played by Maurice Ronet is such an unlikable guy that I actually couldn't wait for him to be murdered. I enjoyed the early characterization in this. So much is revealed when the mischievous duo buy a blind man's cane from him and then use it to pick up a woman. I like the little details, too. The fish market scene with its wild music and close-ups of all those fish faces, all the focus on the set-up and equipment when Tom is practicing his pal's signature, that kind of stuff. The ending is great in a lot of ways that other movie's endings aren't great, but my favorite scene is a murder scene, a death by Buddha where the victim's last sight is a chicken a few rolling tomatoes. His last words--"Ahwa-oo-oo." That guy deserved to die, too, mostly because he's a jerk who can't park. The aftermath of that act of violence, a hand over the banister with some ironic music and a situation where the dead must smoke a cigarette, is really nice, too. With constant jazz burbling below the surface and all kinds of tasty foreshadowing, this well pieced-together suspense story is a good one with or without Prince's involvement. Definitely recommended for people who know what ironic means or probably even those who don't.

The Artist

2011 silent movie

Rating: 17/20 (Jen: 18/20)

Plot: A silent film stud named George Valentin isn't ready to embrace the newest cinematic fad--talkies. That which kills his career only makes the career of Peppy Miller, the gal whose career took off because of George, stronger until she's one of the most popular screen stars of all. George gets all mopey.

This pair were funny in this movie that I wrote about previously, one that had a lot more color and talking. I'm not the least embarrassed that I spent most of that write-up talking about how I'd probably enjoy having sexual relations with Berenice Bejo. Now it appears that her star is on the rise and the chances that we'll hook up are slimming. And forget about Jean Dujardin who won Best Actor because I'd have even less of a shot with him. Man, they're good in this. Dujardin doesn't surprise me. He was charismatic and hilarious in the spy spoof, and I was excited when I heard that he was the star of this thing. He did a lot with his face and movement in that movie anyway, and he's classically good looking and really fits as this Douglas Fairbanks type. And anybody who knows me knows that I like silent movies. What you might not know is that I only like silent movies because I like the look of the women. Bejo's got that look, leading with her eyes and pouting, completely impossible to ignore. Shane-movies favorites John Goodman, Malcolm McDowell, and James Cromwell are also in the mix though I didn't recognize McDowell until after the fact. It was interesting to watch this so soon after Singin' in the Rain since there are some plot parallels. This stays true to silent movies--the actors fill the screen, there's just the right amount of melodrama, the effects used seem straight from 1927. It's a respectful homage rather than a gimmick although this story wouldn't have gotten nearly this much attention if it was filmed more conventionally. Of course, nobody in America would have seen it because it would have been in French. Speaking of language, do you think Berenice Bejo would have a problem with me being able to say nothing more than "I am a windshield wiper" in French? This was a delightful little movie, the kind that can make a grumpy curmudgeon like me smile a little bit more.

The Gleaners and I

2000 documentary

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Agnes Varda travels France with her little handheld camera in search of the "another men" who find treasure in one man's trash. She films people who glean for survival, for ethical reasons, and for art.

"A clock with no hands is my kind of thing."

I really think Agnes Varda went into this film with an agenda, a plan. Still, it seems freeform and more like a chronicle or an exploration, and a lot of what is likable about a movie like this is how much of a blast I think she's having making the movie. I've written about funny little Varda here and here, and I'm almost embarrassed by the latter since I wrote it in an apparent whiny mood. Her style here is about the same as The Beaches of Agnes, and it's just as personal although the camera isn't turned on herself nearly as much. She does film her own hand quite a bit though. And when she asks questions like "Where does play end and art start?", it really seems like a personal statement for her. There's a playful quality to this that doesn't take away from its emotional depth or profound themes. She shows footage of when she forgot to turn off her camera and filmed the ground with her lens cap "dancing" around. "The cap had stopped its craziness," she says. She shows footage of random animals that have nothing to do with the documentary subject, and also leaves in this obnoxious guy on the street who saw her camera and started waving. I guess that's what she gleans. This playfulness and willingness to show a lot of the frilly edges, a lot of the minutia that other documentarians addressing a similar subject matter would leave out reminds me of a Werner Herzog or Errol Morris. I was touched and amused by the whole thing. And I learned that Rembrandt sort of looked like Bob Dylan. I had more interests in the artists she interviewed than the people looking for potatoes or radishes in the harvested fields. The guy's totem towers made from trash and doll heads was really awesome. Another guy who made art out of trash was even wearing Zubaz, probably because he knew how to "embrace the awesome." By the way, shop at Zubaz.com today and get yourself a discount on
red, white, and blue things. I was most interested in a guy with a good job/salary who salvages and eats 100% garbage for ethical reasons. He claimed that he hadn't been ill in fifteen years. I also liked the guy who said, "Here's an apple that has nothing going for it. It's like an ugly and stupid woman." And I swear there's a scene where Agnes is rapping. This is well worth seeing.

And hey, if you do buy a pair of Zubaz today, be sure to tell them that I sent you. I appreciate your support.

Fat Girl

2001 movie

Rating: 14/20

Plot: While on holiday (cause that's what they call it in Europe), a pair of sisters meet an older law student. He sneaks in to visit the older sister at night while the titular fat girl snoozes or pretends to snooze across the room. Then, a bunch of other things happen.

Matt recommended this one, and I don't know what to think about it. It wasn't something that I enjoyed, but I'm not sure it was made for anybody to enjoy. And it made me a little uncomfortable, but I suspect director Catherine Breillat was trying to make me uncomfortable. I have fuzzy ideas about what this is all about, but I really feel like I need somebody, probably a feminist, to help fill in some gaps for me. I wonder how I'd see this differently if I were a woman. To me, the whole thing seems like one long joke that was never intended to be funny, a joke with the most depressing punchline of all time. I did like the performances. Roxanne Mesquida plays the attractive older sibling. She's cute (and I can type that because she was of age when this was made) and plays this naive-but-doesn't-quite-know-it thing really well. The villain, Libero De Rienzo, was especially scary for me, a guy with three daughters. He's also cute, and I'm not sure whether or not I should be typing that or not. He's almost good enough to allow me to call this a monster movie. And then there's the titular fat girl played by Anais Reboux, a non-professional actress although she did appear in a T.V. movie around the same time as this. Most of this movie is her doing what she's doing on the poster up there, halfway covering her face while her sister is seduced by an older guy on the other side of the bedroom. But her performance is fantastic here, and I'm not just talking about when she's singing about crows eating her worthless lump of raw meat body. There's nothing all that flamboyant in what she does, but there's this depth, this understanding, that makes it a pretty special performance. The tone of the bulk of this is ominous, like the quiet before the storm, and during that storm, Breillat gets a little tricky. She throws an idea at you, makes it stick (for me at least), and then hits you with something shocking and frightening following by something just as shocking and frightening and a little snippet of dialogue that manages to be even more shocking and more frightening than all the other shocking and frightening stuff. This is not a happy movie.

Zazie dans le Metro

1960 French comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Because her mom wants to get laid, the titular 12-year-old has to spend a couple days with her aunt and uncle in Paris. She has a series of adventures, none which involve her riding the subway due to a strike.

It seems like it's been a while since I've used the word whimsical on the blog. I use it almost hourly in my normal day-to-day communication though. I'm not sure if I've just not been watching a lot of movies filled with whimsy lately or if I've been a little down. Either way, this offering from an ornery Louis Malle either met any kind of whimsy quota I might have or acted as a pick-me-up. The movie's very French and very late-50s/early-60s, so much that I more than likely missed a little of the satire. But slapstick is a universal language, and Malle's dicking-around, though likely excruciating for a lot of people, was a lot of fun. This is just so visually playful and random right from the opening sequence in which a very tall man in a checkered suit, a character who turns out to be Zazie's uncle, walks through a crowded train station talking loudly about how bad everybody smells before a pickpocket, a recurring character, pinches a ringing alarm clock from his coat. The rest of this is cartoonish and manic, like a cross between those wacky Beatles movies and Looney Tunes with a pinch of Tati. There's a delirious chase scene that did seem to borrow a little from and the roadrunner and coyote cartoons, complete with a character named Pedro Surplus. Malle pulls out every visual and audio trick in the book in his quest for whimsy. You have characters flashing around, a silly French parrot, intentional continuity errors, multitracked crying, music box boots, children for sale, backwards storytelling, invisible violins, a character who actually changes races for a single shot, endless traffic jams, a stalking little person, a very cheap puppet, and a polar bear juggling flaming torches. Oh, and lots of chipmunk voices. You're going to have to have a high tolerance for chipmunk voices if you're going to dive into this one. There's a long sequence at the Eiffel Tower that I really liked, one of those things where it's pretty obvious that Malle and his camera crew just went in without a script and said, "Let's just film a bunch of stuff and see what we get." And they got some really incredible shots, some which don't look safe at all. Of course, this is coming from a viewer with mild acrophobia. I'm not sure what this all adds up to, but it's a neat little story that I had a lot of fun with. Oh, I nearly forgot to mention Catherine Demongeot who plays young Zazie. I thought she was really good here. I think her character might have grown and turned into Amelie. Demongeot, probably because of her Satanic name, didn't have much of a career--only three roles, the last before she was eighteen.

The Grapes of Death

1978 French zombie movie

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Elisabeth is traveling on a train to meet her fiance and befriends a fellow passenger. When her new BFF excuses herself, a guy with a gross neck wound comes and sits by her. She later discovers that her BFF dead in the bathroom and flees the train in terror. She wanders around a nearby town and finds a lot more people with gross wounds who all chase her slowly.

This is all atmosphere and very little story and has its own sort-of incoherent dream logic that can be frustrating, but this isn't a bad cheap little movie. There's a dreamy fuzziness that's either the result of the low budget or an attempt to dreamify this unfortunate woman's story, and a lot of shots are just out of focus. If that's intentional, it might be a lousy idea. Some gory scenes in the middle of all this wandering around--one features an ax and a girl nailed to a door while another has a pitchfork and a rubbery abdomen--are shocking detours, and there's a fantastic scene where a guy makes out with a severed head if you're into that sort of thing. And why wouldn't you be? Being a French zombie flick, you're bound to get a scene where a woman freely disrobes in order to prove that she's not infected. Guy One watching the unplanned strip tease tells her, "You didn't have to do that" and Guy Two shoots him this great look. Also, since this is French, I'm just going to go ahead and assume that it's all lesbian symbolism. Check out that title, by the way. It's a good one, sure, but is that the correct translation? I don't speak French exactly, but I'm pretty sure this one's actually called Mort's Raisins.

Ridicule

1996 witty movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Some French guy travels to Versailles in order to get the king (Louis CXVII or something) to help him drain some swamps. He learns quickly enough that the only way to get an audience with the king is to be wittier than everybody else. He's assisted by a doctor whose lovely and bosomy daughter is trying to perfect her diving suit invention. Meanwhile, there's a whore who kind of looks like Lyle Lovett, and she keeps trying to play footsy with him while he's busy getting his wit on. I'm sure it would have all made perfect sense back in the 18th Century.

Just two minutes in, a guy whips it out (it, being the penis) and urinates on an old man wearing an eyepatch. Cory recommended this one; he really likes that sort of thing. Here are three things that stand out about this movie:

1) This is exactly why everybody hates French people. In a way, it's hard for me to believe that people were ever like this, but then I think about how people are today and believe that people were definitely like this. I like the characters' faces after they make a witty remark, most, by the way, that I didn't even understand. Their expressions made me laugh and want to punch some random French guy.

2) The writers of this totally took that "jawbone of an ass" gag (where a character thinks of a witty retort way too late as he's traveling home from one of these awesome parties) from a Seinfeld episode. You know, the jerk store one.

3) I'm going to try to find every opportunity I can to say "Your butt is wider than your mouth" to people. I don't even know what that means, but it definitely sounds like something.

I liked this movie though I'm not a big fan of stuffy period pieces regardless of how much beautiful cleavage they throw on the screen. The costumes and settings provided a colorful backdrop to the frequently clever dialogue. And although I thought a lot of this was a little cold or, yes, stuffy, I thought a scene near the end with some deaf mutes was pretty touching. If I knew anything about French history and what happened to some of these people after most of this movie takes place, I bet I would be able to appreciate some of the irony more. Nice recommendation, Cory, and definitely not something I would have popped in on my own.

OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies

2006 parody

Rating: 15/20

Plot: The titular megamaniacal spy is sent to the titular city to run a chicken business and investigate the titular spies.

Berenice Bejo. I don't know how her name is actually pronounced, but I'm going to say it so that it rhymes with "very nice pea-ho." Anyway, I might put her on the list--the list of women who, if they decided because of the celebrity status that this blog has given me, send their people to find out if I'm interested in dating them (that's how we celebrities court each other), I'd consider it. Hold on a second! Only if my wife leaves me. This movie delivers the funny even though you have to read everything. It's like a sophisticated Austin Powers in a way, like how Austin Powers would be if that titular spy was played by Will Arnett instead of Michael Meyers. Or maybe it's more Steve Carrell. Jean Dujardin's got the right kind of obnoxious charm for the role, and he doesn't step out of bounds here as silly as this sometimes gets. I think part of the reason this works is because the spy story is interesting enough to keep the momentum whether the comedy side of things is working or not. The movie looks good, too, cool visuals that make this look just like a spy flick from the 60s should look. I especially liked an underwater sequence that was sort of like a skeleton junkyard. This probably does have more homoerotic giggling flashbacks than your ordinary 60's spy flick would. I really liked the music. My favorite bit of dialogue:

OSS 117: What's that smell?
Guy: Chickens.
OSS 117: And the noises?
Guy: Chickens, too.

It's probably funnier in context. Or maybe it's just funny to me because I'm French. What do I know? After all, I'm the guy who gives bonus points to movies with Berenice Bejo in them.

Leon: The Professional

1994 hitman movie

Rating: 17/20 (Dylan: 18/20)

Plot: The titular hitman, an immigrant living in New York City, tries to keep a flower alive in a harsh world. After his 12-year-old neighbor's entire family is murdered by crooked D.E.A. dudes, he reluctantly takes the girl under his hairy wing and teaches her the tricks of his violent trade.

With a rating as high as this, I sort of prove that I really don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I love this movie, but it's stuffed with problems--things that I'd more than likely trash another movie for. Natalie Portman gives a fantastic performance as a young person, proving that it actually can be done. She shows a range of emotions, all realistic, and has the right face to pull off being simultaneously innocent and bad. However, is her character all that realistic? I realize that girls mature faster than guys and that the experiences in her home might cause her to be a little more sexually curious or open to violence than other 12-year-olds, but I don't completely buy the scenes where she's coming on to Leon. Gary Oldman is also brilliant, just one of those bad guy performances that is so good that you really end up wanting to root for him, but he's brilliantly hammy and very nearly crosses a line here. In a bad movie, I'd likely make fun of the performance. But the entire scene where he's directing the trashing of Mathilda's place? Everything that follows "I like these calm little moments before the storm"? Mesmerizing, one of those examples of acting where you just can't wait to see what he's going to do next. You learn a bit from his character, too. 1) Don't ruin Gary Oldman's suit because apparently he doesn't like that. 2) If Gary Oldman tells you to go inside a place, you'd better go inside a place. Oh, and 3) Gary Oldman isn't going to be killed while he's taking a dump. Jean Reno plays the title professional like he's possibly mentally challenged or, at the very least, emotionally underdeveloped, and it's the only thing that makes the parts of this story nearly a love story acceptable. The goofiness with the Chaplin and Marilyn Monroe references in a game of Charades or what has to be the worst ventriloquist act ever clashes so beautifully with the scenes of Leon working. I think, by the way, that a prequel could work where Leon hits the stage with his pig oven mitt to try to start a career in entertainment. One of the most beautiful scenes in this movie is where Portman is standing at Leon's door and begging for him to open it. "Please open the door." You know he will, probably because you've either seen the movie or you've seen a preview of the movie where the characters are walking through the streets with a plant or sharing a carton of milk. But that doesn't make the opening of that door, an act which bathes Mathilda in light for a moment, any less beautiful. Great stuff. I also really respect such a violent movie pulling it all off with a score that includes so many sleigh bells. One more little oddity: the gray guy that sits in the background of Aiello's place and doesn't do anything at all.

Criminal Lovers

1999 French movie

Rating: 12/20

Plot: Oh, those crazy teenagers! Pretty Alice convinces a naive virgin named Luc to help her murder a classmate. They flee to the woods like Hanzel and Gretel and wind up kidnapped by a guy who likes to take baths. Oh, snap! Seduction occurs.

Watching this Francois Ozon movie left me feeling about the same as I did when watching the other Francois Ozon movie on my blog. There are ideas, a few interesting shots, a general feel that I almost liked. It just doesn't congeal, and I was ready for the whole thing to be over pretty quickly. Apparently, I like my French movies more whimsical and lilting and light. I didn't really have issues with any of the pieces of this movie, but it didn't add up to anything that resonates. It hangs around, festers a bit, has a surprise, clunks along some more, and then ends in a way that left me apathetic and wishing I had watched Bonnie and Clyde or a French version of "Hansel and Gretel" with grotesque puppets. And yeah, I realize that's not saying anything at all since I'm going to choose grotesque puppets over anything else nearly every time. This is colored in a style that makes it all flat when it should be vibrant or suspenseful, and it's realistic in almost a stifling way where Ozon should have taken more advantage of the fairy tale parallels to create something more dreamy and timeless. This is a movie that just nearly takes challenges and seems halfassed because of it. Plus, we never get to see the gal naked. Natacha Regnier, by the way, was married to Yann Tiersen, the guy who did the music for Amelie. And that, friends, is how you end a blog post with information that absolutely nobody cares about. You know, as opposed to the rest of what's on this blog.

Urine Couch AM Movie Club: Man on Fire

1987 movie

Rating: 12/20

Plot: A former CIA guy is hired as a bodyguard for a little girl for reasons that I must have missed. Anyway, he does a terrible job at it, and some thugs kidnap her while he gets an ouchie on his leg. When he recovers, he takes off to find her.

This original Man on Fire (I didn't see the original during my 134 movie "man" streak last summer either) is stuffy and spins its wheels. It spends a lot of time building up the relationship between the principals, and once it finally does, it throws a few action scenes at you before ending in a way that isn't all that satisfying. Despite the lengthy exposition, I never really bought their relationship, and it actually got a little creepy as it progressed. The creepiest moment is when the bodyguard guy quotes Of Mice and Men and then imitates the little girl's voice. It's really weird. And then you were jerked into a vague sort of action thriller. You do get to learn what happens when a white guy (Joe Pesci) sings Chuck Berry. Attempts to connect all this schmaltziness by connecting it to Steinbeck's Lenny and George seems halfassed. I'm not sure how I felt about the sort-of pretentious shots of a hanging lamp and swinging curtains that bookend this story. I was admittedly distracted during this Urine Couch AM Movie Club selection because Gene Siskel's ghost wouldn't stop asking, "Where's the black guy? Hey, Shane? Where's the black guy?"