2001 fantasy movieRating: 17/20 (Dylan: 15/20)
Plot: A bunch of midgets are fighting over a piece of jewelry, so they hire a grumpy old man named Grumpy to settle the dispute. It's decided that Frodo should travel to a scary place and have the ring sold to a pawn shop called Crap 'n' More. Unfortunately, Crap 'n' More was put out of business after the locals founds out that the soup they served in the pawn shop's concession stand wasn't really cream of mushroom. Why would anybody eat food served at a pawn shop anyway? Another grumpy magical guy named Count Dooku sends some of his friends to warn Frodo and his fellow midgets--Harpo, Blinko, Porno, Zippy--so that they don't waste their time and gas driving all the way to the scary place. Meanwhile, Frodo decides to have himself committed to an asylum run by smug Englishmen with pointy ears. A flaming vagina hallucination keeps him there for several months while the smug Englishmen crack jokes and draw things on his face while he sleeps. "Flaming vagina? Did it belong to my wife? Ha ha ha!" That joke is in the movie seventeen times. Grumpy figures that Frodo needs help, so he recruits some help--Beardo, Lance Spectacular, Big Ears, and Stumpy--to travel with Frodo to find another pawn shop to sell the ring. They decide to take the scenic route through some dark places because Grumpy brought a flashlight and "I ain't carryin' around this flashlight for nothin', bitches! Let's roll!" They have several very expensive adventures.
A great deal of midget action in this one.
11 comments:
So "Sawdust and Tinsel" gets a 17, but the first great installment of what I consider the most epic film(s) of all-time gets a 14? Well, at least your blockbuster bias is consistent.
I read the Tolkien series for the first time when I was 14, and loved them. The sad thing was that I believed them to be unfilmable. I was wrong. With a few minor quibbles I believe Jackson pulled off the impossible. A great movie transports you to a new world or to new ideas. This film has a fantastic visual sense combined with terrific development of at least a dozen characters. It has amazing action sequences like the Balrog scene or the scenes with the Ringwraiths while excelling at intimate scenes such as moments between the hobbit friends and Gandalf (while sadly lacking the aforementioned hobbit-sex). The plot is unrelenting as it takes us from the history of the one ring through the betrayal of Borimer set against the backdrop of a visually amazing world.
This is an incredibly ambitious movie but the huge budget is all up there on the screen. Movie appreciation is a matter of taste, but I'm not sure what more you could want. This film, along with the other two parts, will stay vivid in the minds of most fans for a long time. I wonder if the same could be said of "Sawdust and Tinsel". A 19.
P.S. I would like to thank you for helping me learn about the Wilhelm Scream. It salvaged some worth from this review (sorry, maybe that is a little harsh).
Alright, alright...I knew that was enough to get you riled up! I said to Jen as soon as I was finished, "That should get Cory going!" I remembered that this was a top-15 for you and knew a mostly-negative review would be fun for everybody!
I almost gave this a 10 or a 12 but wasn't sure you'd buy that.
I'd actually give this a 16 or maybe even a 17. I'm curious to see what I gave it the first time (I think a 16), but I can't find my notebook. I think the acting is terrific, especially for something like this where they're acting against a screen or given instructions like, "Ok, there's a big ugly green thing approaching you with menace." For the most part, the computer animated parts of this are flawless although I don't like when there are the grand sweeping shots of the characters in a boat or walking on a mountain or something like that and it looks pretty fake. There is good characterization which does take it out of the more dreadful summer blockbuster realm where you only have cardboard. And yes, visually it is consistently dazzling. It does look expensive, but it's not that kind of expensive that winds up cheapening everything else. The music is good.
Is it flawless? Nope. Most of the adjectives used in the first sentence of my little review are accurate. It is clunky and sprawling. And there is some grossness. There are moments of dialogue when I want to stop paying attention, either because I'm bored by how something is being said or I have no idea what they're talking about. I guess I'd have to differ with you on those "intimate scenes" which I think might be a little overdone. And the action scenes I don't find all that spectacular. First off, those orc things are too wimpy. Secondly, the computer animation really looks silly when that giant troll thing is beating them up in the mines. Thirdly, the action choreography is too quick-paced at times for me to even know what's going on. Fourthly, with only a few exceptions, the characters never really seem to be under much threat. I guess that goes back to the orcs being wimpy...
But you're right...the good far outweighs the bad. I actually argued with Dylan a little bit about his low rating. He said this is in his top 10 movies of all time but that he is a "hard grader." I think now that I've seen it again, I'll go ahead and throw it a 17. It's right up there with the good Star Wars movies and more than twice as good as Transformers.
I will say this...I think the second and third movies get gradually worse. I don't know if Dylan and I will get around to seeing those this year or not. He just finished up all the books last summer and wants to see them eventually, but he doesn't really like movies that much.
Just wait until I get around to seeing and reviewing Jaws...
Oh, did you look up the Wilhelm on wikipedia? Dylan and I are fascinated by it and always love hearing it. Dylan caught it in 'Fellowship' actually, pretty close to the beginning of the movie. It's when that big dude with the ring who gets his fingers cut off takes his second swing at all those warriors. We rewound. Dylan also heard it during a trailer for a Halo game.
Oh, one more thing...Sawdust and Tinsel is a completely different movie. It's at least as good as 'Fellowship' but in a completely different way. Bergman didn't need tons of money or computers to make magic. He made his magic with nothing more than ideas and a camera.
The orcs in 'Sawdust and Tinsel' also don't seem as dumb, and the midget is real.
Great, now I have to figure out whether your reviews are just meant to screw with me. I did look up Wilhelm on wikipedia- and I love learning new things, so thanks. I agree that "Two Towers" is not as good and the Helm's Deep battle seems to go on forever, but I think "Return of the King" is on par with "Fellowship...". Finally, I think that I hope that you won't review "Jaws". Maybe some Fellini movie instead?
wow i never thought I'd agree with CORY, but he pretty much summed up my thoughts on LOTR:FOTR (tee hee)...
seriously, though i read the books at 12 making me superior.
btw my middle name is wilhelm, but cory knew that right?
word varification: phicr
close enought o fucker right?
jaws rules.
Yeah, I'm sure he knew your middle name was Wilhelm...man, what a great middle name! You've got yourself a sophisticated full name, my man!
Never thought you'd agree with Cory? Does that mean you also know that 'Ratatouille' is far superior to 'The Incredibles,' my man?
It won't let me edit my thing, but I'll get on that soon. I don't want trolls coming out of the woodwork wanting my blood. Again!
And Larry...didn't you watch all three of these movies on a sheet in your house with your D&D pals? If you do that again, remember that Cory is within walking distance. BYOB!
Oh no, not "The Incredibles" thing again. I would be happy to walk the 2000 miles, but it might take a little while, and I'm sure I would have downed all the bear.
Nah, not 2000 miles. Winter Rates is in your neck of the woods. And I doubt he's seen either 'The Incredibles' or the superior 'Rat'...I recall he told me that those kinds of movies just weren't his thing.
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