Transformers

2007 blockbuster

Rating: 8/20

Plot: Robotic extra-terrestrials come to earth in search of a magic cube. Shooby Leboof helps out when he's not busy masturbating. Hop, hop, hop, Shooby Leboof!

This movie made very little sense. I guess I knew I was in trouble when the movie started out with the line "Before time, there was the cube." What? I didn't understand what was going on with the action scenes, but they, like Madagascar, made me dizzy. And call me a racist, but I couldn't tell the robots apart. Generally, movies like this at least have nostalgia working for them, and I can enjoy myself because I get a chance to be a kid again. I did have some Transformers as a kid! This movie didn't do that. Instead, it made me wish I would have fallen down a well and died at the age of four so that I wouldn't have to waste a little over two hours of my time at the age of thirty-five watching this trash. This movies is apparently why I have the tag "big dumb movies" because this just might be the biggest and dumbest one I've seen all year. If it wasn't for the Shooby Leboof bonus, this movie would have had seven less points than it got.