Trailer Park Boys: The Movie

2006 comedy

Rating: 9/20

Plot: The titular small-time criminals, following their release from prison, concoct a plan to steal a bunch of change.

I am not familiar with the television series that gave birth to these dull, stupid characters. This is the type of movie that glorifies idiocy. Although there are some bits that some people might mistake as humorous, this is messy and seemingly endless. All the characters are unlikable, the jokes are cheap, and neither the main plot or the subplots are enough to make this worth the ninety minutes. 

I feel dumber after watching this movie.

Note: I think I watched this movie in six installments over a five day period. That probably didn't help.

Superheroes

2011 documentary

Rating: 14/20 (Mark: 10/20)

Plot: A look at real life superheroes who wander the streets of numerous cities at night to protect ordinary regularly-dressed citizens who also don't have superpowers. Some of them also help homeless people.

There's some nonsense at play here with at least one staged shot with the biggest nut of the bunch. Still, I was entertained by this and appreciated the intentions of most of these real-life superheroes. It's an objective expose about these characters, some who wish to remain as anonymous as Clark Kent, and the documentarians are only heard once when they ask one of the superheroes about whether or not he actually has a girlfriend that he's talking about.

But enough about the movie. I'd like to put a superhero league together to fight crime on the streets of Indianapolis. Let me know if you're interested and let me know what you'd like your superhero name to be, what special qualities or skills you have that will come in handy, and what crime-fighting experience you might have. Experience, however, isn't necessary.

Run Ronnie Run

2002 comedy

Rating: 10/20 (Mark: 10/20)

Plot: The titular redneck frequently makes appearances on a Cops-like reality show, so a struggling producer decides to give him his own show where he gets arrested in different cities every week. It's a smash hit, and Ronnie has to adapt to a new celebrity lifestyle.

I laughed at this a few times, but I never felt comfortable doing it. It really felt like a blow to my dreams of being an elitist hipster. Elitist hipsters, by the way, will refuse to admit that this is just a slightly-more-intelligent Joe Dirt with performers slightly cooler than David Spade. David Spade would have trouble stuffing this much star power in his comedy. Seriously, look at this list of famous folk:

Jeff Goldblum. A bunch of others.

It's just missing Andy Dick, and I could have sworn I saw him, too. Couldn't find him in the credits though. Mark and I watched this after watching the lighthearted Mishima and had time for another piece of classic cinema. I demanded something "stupid" and ended up with this. It's definitely stupid.

The Blair Witch Project

1999 horror movie

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Some kids explore the woods with a couple video cameras in an attempt to make a documentary about a local urban legend. They die!

I always avoided seeing this a second time because I didn't figure it could be anywhere near as good as the first time. And it really isn't. The initial shock of watching this no-budget horror movie without a single damn witch just isn't going to be duplicated in subsequent viewings. But the movie, one that my brother says is the best horror movie ever made, is still so well done. They really do a ton with their one hundred dollar budget, and the three principals do a good job of keeping this thing real. I've said it before--if the actors fail in something like this, the whole foundation falls to pieces. There might be a handful of moments where they slip and don't quite respond like normal folk, but for the most part they sell this. This movie feels very loose, more or less unscripted, and I think it benefits from that. The three probably look genuinely freaked out at times because they are genuinely freaked out. I also like how Blair Witch builds tension, subtly and with never an over-the-top moment. The mystery progresses realistically, and the rather ambiguous ending keeps the feeling of unease alive long after you take this out of the dvd player. Blair Witch really succeeds because it doesn't do things the way regular movies do--the unknown actors, the lack of script, the absence of a score, the refusal to ever show us anything that resembles a witch. And unlike most movies like this that unleash a caboodle of copycats, I don't mind it so much because a lot of those copycats are actually pretty good.

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

2004 cartoon

Rating: 11/20

Plot: Somebody's stolen King Neptune's crown, and it's up to Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick to save the day.

This movie doesn't try to do anything that the television show doesn't do which is probably why you'd call it successful. The animation retains the simple old-school style with little-to-no setting details but with a manic creativity that makes up for it. I don't like the Spongebob characters as much as most people it seems, and just like the little fifteen minute stories that you get on the tube, I lost interest pretty quickly into this one and didn't perk up again until David Hasselhoff's nipples made a cameo appearance. Spongebob just doesn't do much for me which begs the question once again: What am I missing here? Why do so many people around my age dig this show? Is pot required?

By the way, during the squid-guy-taking-a-shower scene (hot, by the way), I'm pretty sure there was a Frogs' song hummed. That's awesome! And there's a Ween song at the end, so it's got that going for it. And I had to give this a five point Jeffrey Tambor bonus. And Alec Baldwin's in it.

Urine Couch AM Movie Club: Dinner with Schmucks

2010 comedy

Rating: 10/20

Plot: See The Dinner Game. Except this one has the terminally plain Paul Rudd whose promotion to the seventh floor might depend on how much of an idiot he can find for the dinner party. Plus, he's having problems with his girlfriend.

The Urine Couch A.M. Movie Club...it's just me and the ghost of Gene Siskel! Last night's film: 'Dinner for Schmucks' with one of America's most versatle actors, Paul Rudd.
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Larry: Synchro! I just watched that last night too. I had zero expectations and they were met!
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Shane: but you watched it with the ghost of Gene Shalit's mustache...different Gene=different movie club! How many times did you chortle during the movie? I'd like to compare numbers.
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Larry: I'd say 3 real, and 4 for forced chortles. Disappointed by Zack G's performance, subdued.
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Larry: I also didn't know ZG was in it, and 5 minutes into the movie I wished he was, and lo and behold!
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Shane: ‎5 minutes into the movie, I was hoping something would happen...movie was almost DOA. It picked up a bit with the Schmuck's arrival. Got kind of funny with Jermaine Clement...I like that guy!
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Shane: but yeah, about 3-4 real laughs for me and several because I was watching with Siskel and he kept looking over at me to see if I was having a good time...he picked it, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I tried to make sure my nipples were at least partially erect whenever he'd look over at me
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (1 person liked)

Larry: I don't like comedy lesson movies so much. I'd rather it just be mean spirited sometimes.
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Shane: Have you seen the original French version? It's better but probably not by that much. I'm not sure if I want my cliche characters learning lessons or not, by the way...a lot of times it just seems forced. Like they were thinking that if they didn't have Paul Rudd's character learn the predictable lesson that he was going to learn, then it would just be laughing at these unfortunate characters in a mean way. Which is what I do for entertainment nearly every day, by the way.
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Shane: I'm just going to copy/paste this for the blog, by the way...so step up your game!
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike


Larry: It's like that movie where Gwynth Poultry is friggin' huge yet Jack Black sees her as skinny. 90 minutes of fat jokes disguised as a lesson
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Shane: ‎'Fat Barry'...ok, I don't remember what that movie's called. I saw part of it once when I was in a situation where I could either do that or talk to somebody...I don't think I got to the message in that movie, but I bet it had something to do with inner beauty...that or how fat women are excellent in bed?
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Shane: The lesson should have been that Jack Black should be in less movies.
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Kent: Had hopes, all dashed.
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Kent: I too long for more Jermaine Clement. He's the Kiwi Jeff Goldblum. (I saw Rio, the bird cartoon, and he stole the show via voice)
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Shane: How many laughs?
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Shane: I would like to do some statistical analysis.
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Kent: In Rio, 69.758 percent stolen, not including the musical number
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Kent: in which he sings " I poop on people and I blame it on seagulls"
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Shane: I saw that he was in 'Rio'...no desire to see that one. Kiwi Jeff Goldblum...I can dig it.
19 hours ago · LikeUnlike


Kent: It was better than I thought it was going to be. Just enough whimsy. Not enough frontal mail nudity.
19 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Shane: Why do I think you're making fun of my overuse of the word "whimsical" every time you use it...I know "making fun" can't be a possibility.
19 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Shane: wait...bird frontal nudity?
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Jen: feeling like I must clarify.... the urine couch is not at our house!!!
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike


Kent: ‎.....anymore.
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike


Jen: haha... never!
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike

Jackass 3

2010 high art

Rating: 13/20

Plot: More comic mischief from the Jackasses. This time, they utilize 3-D technology so that it looks like the fecal matter is coming right into your living room! Huzzah!

Well, I felt like showering after watching this one, so that's something. I didn't watch this in 3-D, of course, but I can see where that would have been kind of fun. The colorful and gimmicky opening scene has the boys being pelted with paintball pellets, kicked in the face, and abused with little booby traps that might have been borrowed from Wily E. Coyote's attic. And they're wearing funny costumes. And some times it all happens in this slow motion. Now I don't possess a high-def television, but the images in this were impressively crisp anyway, fantastic news if you want to see every detail of a fat guy wearing some transparent plastic suit designed to make him ooze sweat. Or vomit. Or poop. Or urine. Or hair glued to somebody's palms right after it's been yanked from some other guy's chest. You get the idea. This is definitely not the movie I'd pick to watch with my grandmother if, following some miracle, she was resurrected and really wanted to watch a movie with me. Unless she picked it, of course. I'm not going to deny the dead the right to select a movie for movie night. There's something nice about seeing the jackasses willing to do all this gross or dangerous or gross and dangerous stuff despite their advancing ages. You get the sense that some are doing these things reluctantly though. And the stunts in Jackass 3(D) aren't as consistently hilarious as the ones in part two, the Empire Strikes Back of Jackass movies. I think they peaked (Wait a second. There's no way peaked is the right word here.) with number two. But I had more than a few chuckles, and as with the other stuff, I'm glad I watched it. I laughed most heartily at a scene involving a score or more of little people, one of their set-up/written gags. I'm a grade school kid in a thirty-seven year old's body though, so I, of course, enjoyed the slapstick as well. After all, if you can't appreciate video footage of a guy getting hit in the balls, you're just not a real American. There are people who could argue that the world would be a better place without these movies. I'm not sure I could successfully argue with those people actually, but I'm happy the movies do exist. Long live the Jackasses!

Audience of One

2007 documentary that my brother will be pissed I watched without him so I'd better hurry up and type a bunch of entries with the hope that he won't see this

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Because Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat wasn't quite amazing enough, God speaks to Richard, a Pentecostal preacher from California, and tells him he needs to make a science fiction movie based on Joseph's story. His congregation helps fund the project while Richard works hard to find other investors to help raise the fifty million dollars the first-time director wants to work with. Unfortunately, God doesn't seem to like what happens in pre-production and decides not to support the project any more. But Richard and his congregation, still convinced that they've been called to make the film, keep trying to do everything they can to make Gravity: The Shadow of Joseph a reality.

On the one hand, you almost want to commend Richard for his faith and for his creative spirit. He's a man, for better or for worse, who is bursting with ideas. But that one hand is so far away from the other hand, a much larger and more conspicuous and screaming hand. And on that hand, you want this guy to be punished for biting off far more than he can chew, ripping off a flock that really doesn't look like it can afford to be ripped off, and for being about as delusional as an individual can be. Don't get me wrong--I have nothing against delusions. But Richard's delusions are potentially harmful, the best example in this film probably being where one of his crew asks if it's safe for kids to be around some horses and getting the answer "Don't worry about that." There's a wonderful moment in the movie when, after spending a nice wad of movie to film in a neat spot in Italy, they encounter problem after problem. One of the problems is that their camera stops working. Oh, snap, right? Not if you're Richard who announced, "God called us here to shoot this movie, and we're going to shoot this movie--camera or no camera." It's not a leap of faith as much as it's a triple-jump of faith or a pole vault of faith. Later, after the church rents a San Francisco movie studio that they eventually can't afford the rent on after shooting what seemed to be zero hours of footage, Richard starts to get really paranoid, even setting up security so that nobody will bust in and steal their ideas. "It's either God or I'm crazy," he claims at one point, and you'll come away from this believing it's definitely one of those. By the end of the movie, Richard's completely lost his mind, promising his congregation that God has sent him a vision in which they'll be making forty-seven films a year, own eight TV networks, have their own airport, and (believe it or not) colonize another planet. Got news for you, Richard. It ain't God. Since this is a documentary about Pentecostals, you know you're going to be treated or creeped out by some scenes showcasing their religious practices, and there's a nifty scene where they're sanctifying the studio, a process that involves a great deal of shouting and these really strange horns. A lot of the cast is entertaining. The guy who plays the "horned captain" (I went to a Bible college, but I don't remember a "horned captain" in the Joseph story.), actor Daniel who plays Spirf, and a tubby and high-maintenance trippin' stunt man could all be in any movie that God tells me to make.

Don't tell Anonymous that I watched this.

I'm Still Here

2010 mockumentary

Rating: 15/20

Plot: River Phoenix's little brother Joaquin decides that enough's enough and announces his retirement from acting. In the aftermath of that decision, Ben Affleck's little brother Casey follows him around with a camera to document Hollywood's response and the birth of Joaquin's new career in hip hop.

Here's who ends up looking really good in this movie: Puff Daddy (or whatever the hell he goes by these days), David Letterman, and Edward James Olmos. The latter's speech (see below) is so freakin' good. I'm not sure if any of these guys were in on the joke (I think I heard that Letterman was), but if they were, their "performances" as themselves were really good. It's really hard to play yourself both realistically and naturally. Ask Joaquin Phoenix because his performance in this is wildly uneven. I sometimes bought that he was a real person living the Charlie Sheen life, struggling with public life and the emotions that it brings and excited about his new career as a terrible rapper. There were other times when it just didn't click. Casey Affleck claims this was the performance of his career, and in chunks, it is impressive. When he's got one take to work with (the television appearances or interviews, the rap concert), he delivers something authentic. There are some scenes where his drugged-out and haggard character just seemed like an over-acting job. (i.e. "Do the fucking snow angel!") The movie also seems very very long, and some of the scenes just dragged. "Ok," I said aloud several times, "I get it. Move on to Joaquin doing something else shocking." I went into this expecting a train wreck, and a train wreck I got. A very long train wreck. A train wreck in slow motion. But I liked the idea behind the experiment and similar to the Sasha Baron Cohen pseudo-documentaries, it uses those not in on the joke to satirize society. In this case, it's looking at the public's expectation of their matinee idols; their obsession with the rich and famous, especially when they're in the process of crashing and burning; and that fuzzy line between real person and entertainer. I was caught off guard by how much I had to think while watching the train wreck. I was also caught off guard by how much I liked this since I really just popped it in for the novelty and didn't even expect to finish the thing. I do wonder what this will do to Phoenix's career. It doesn't seem like he's got any movies coming out any time soon.

Here's Olmos's speech: "That's you, drops of water and you're on top of the mountain of success. But one day you start sliding down the mountain and you think wait a minute; I'm a mountain top water drop. I don't belong in this valley, this river, this low dark ocean with all these drops of water. Then one day it gets hot and you slowly evaporate into air, way up, higher than any mountain top, all the way to the heavens. Then you understand that it was at your lowest that you were closest to God. Life's a journey that goes round and round and the end is closest to the beginning. So if it's change you need, relish the journey."

No End in Sight

2007 horror movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A documentary about how our elected officials and the people they work closely with are sometimes really silly.

Quick confession: This documentary was so scary that I eventually decided to mute my television. Watching the antics of Dubya, Dick "The Man with One Face" Cheney, Booty Rice, and Donald Duck without the sound wasn't any less scary, so I ended up playing "Yakety Sax" over and over again as a soundtrack to the film. Then, I watched the documentary at twice the normal speed so that it looked more like outtakes from Benny Hill's show. It turned out to be hilarious that way! I typically avoid politics, and I didn't really need to be reminded about the goings-on of what will undoubtedly later be thought of as a Mt. Rushmore of ruination and American embarrassment. I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed this, and I'm not sure I really know enough to figure out if I'm being duped by a deluge of propaganda. I'm also not sure how much of this is new information or how much is just a rehash of stuff I would already know if I paid attention to the always-reliable American media. I did think a lot of this--image juxtaposition, the repeated "declined to be interviewed for this film" line, one-sided narration--was a little too obvious; the statistics and interviews of the people involved were effective by themselves. This is shocking, jaw-droppingly so, like a horror movie where you already know the ending but are stuck on the edge of your seat anyway. I'd love to watch this with a Bush supporter to find out how he'd justify any of this. God, I wish this was a mockumentary.

The hippie half of Cory recommended this documentary.

Marjoe / Thoth

1972 documentary

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Follows Marjoe (combines the names Mary and Joseph) Gortner on a tour of Pentecostal tent revivals and churches. Marjoe became a preacher at age 4, exploited by his parents but winnin' souls to Jesus throughout the Bible belt. He resurrects (pun intended!) his career as a rockin' evangelist in his twenties, not as a believer but as a charlatan. He assembles a film crew to chronicle what will wind up being his last revival tour.

I knew of Marjoe because I had a copy of some recordings he'd done as a child. He's a fascinating figure, and I watched this wondering why the heck he was allowing himself to be filmed since it would end his fraudulent career as a half-chicken/half-Rolling Stone
fire-and-brimstoner. I probably didn't need to see him at work so much, especially in the sort of uninterrupted way he's shown, but he's charisma is addictive and it's easy to see why so many are duped by this sort of thing. The Pentecostals are bewildering and fascinating anyway, but this behind-the-scenes stuff is just great. Marjoe shows us the man behind the curtain, divulging secrets of how these little medicine shows work. It's amazing to me how likably greasy this guy is, and I thought the footage from his youth was, aside from slightly creepy, really great. He was even greasy as a kid.

I was going to write about it separately, but Thoth, a documentary short (forty minutes) about an eccentric "spiritual hermaphrodite" street performer, was also included. I really enjoyed watching it, too. Here's a guy who performs a one-man opera in a tunnel in Central Park, accompanying himself on a gypsy's violin and foot percussion. I was blown away by his otherworldly vocals. There's nothing terribly interesting about his life story although I did find it all uplifting in an odd sort of way. The best thing about this documentary might be the footage of the crowd watching his spirited performance. There's one shot where the camera pans over several people with their mouths wide open. Cory, you can go ahead and add this to the list of individuals with whom you'd not want to spend time.

Jackass Number Two

2006 comedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Morons pull pranks and perform stunts, mostly to entertain themselves, it seems.

You know you're in good shape when somebody says, "We have rectal bleeding," within the first ten minutes of the movie. Several chapters involving horse semen, malfunctioning rockets, launched shopping carts, fecal matter, the exposed testicles of the elderly, beer enemas, puking, bull attacks, flying wee men, pubic beards, and death-defying moments later, I had laughed quite a few times and even laughed until tears came once. I should probably feel a little guilty for liking this as much as I did, but I refuse. The mayhem is faster, funnier, and more dangerous than the stuff they did in the first movie (or on the television show, of course), and the beginning scene and ending musical number that bookend the body of this are really well executed. That closing musical number even pays tribute to Hollywood musicals and even Buster Keaton. I was reminded of Keaton quite a bit while watching Jackass Number Two actually. No, I've not yet found the movie in which Keaton's ass or testicles are displayed. With a lot of the stunts, you get exactly what you think you'll get (bike with a rocket being shot into a lake) but there are a lot of set-ups that take the stunt one unexpected step further, giving the audience a second unanticipated punchline. Does all of it work? No. Some of this is hard to watch and not really all that entertaining. But when this hits, it's home run after home run. Brilliant stuff! My favorite scene? Likely the extended terrorist bit near the end.

By the way, watching this made me realize what Tillie's Punctured Romance from 1914 was missing. If the kicking in Tillie's Puncture Romance would have been in the groin instead of directed at the backside, I think it would be considered one of the most influential and uproariously funny comedies of the early 20th century.

No Limit: A Search for the American Dream on the Poker Tournament Trail

2006 dorkumentary

Rating: 6/20

Plot: Their romantic relationship has failed. Their fledgling film company is failing. So they decide to try to capitalize on the new interest in poker and make a documentary about it. Susan, who claims to be a good player with previous tournament success, joins several tournaments, while Rob the filmmaker, a guy who knows absolutely nothing about the game, documents it on film. With a little luck, they might be able to save their company!

The most entertaining thing about this is watching the annoying woman lose tournament after tournament, blaming it all on really bad luck when it's completely obvious to anybody with even a rudimentary knowledge of the game that she just really sucks. I was rooting against her from the middle of her first tournament (which lasted an entire two hours, by the way) on until I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of her World Series experience. The abundance of whining pounces all over a few interviews with poker pros that are almost interesting, making the whole thing nearly unwatchable. A really terrible waste of time.

Fear of a Black Hat

1994 hip hop mockumentary

Rating: 11/20

Plot: A year in the life of rap trio NWH (Niggaz With Hats). When the niggas discover newfound success, conflicts between the niggaz fester.

Ah, what this could have or should have been. It lifts the style, the plot arc, and even some jokes straight from This Is Spinal Tap, stealing them as freely as rap groups have sampled from James Brown. It's nowhere near as funny or as natural, however. It starts with a really cheap joke about gratuitous language. From there, there are some hits and lots of misses. The main problem is that it has a very staged/scripted feel instead of having a foundation of improvisation. There are also too many cameras in some scenes, and they make a huge mistake by adding cartoonish sound effects during a scene involving guns. It does nothing but take away whatever documentary realism it might have. I do like the female rap quartet known as Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme though, and the roomful of Ices made me laugh. But most of the jokes are just too obvious. So is the satire. Misogyny, violence, superficial politics in rap lyrics, rapper feuds, and the idea that all black people steal things are targets that are much too easy to hit, and they aren't hit in necessarily clever ways here. The songs are reasonably well done although they all sound pretty much the same. I wish this one was better because the potential was definitely there.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

2009 comedy

Rating: 8/20

Plot: Die unpassende mallspindel muss das mall von den mittleren dieben allein verteidigen und gewinnen sie das herz eines reizenden mitarbeiters. Ha ha! Er ist sehr fett und reitet ein Segway. Ha ha!

Ableitung und nicht lustiges. Ich rollte meine augen vier weitere mal, als ich mich lachte nullzeiten lachte. Kevin James ist nicht schrecklich, aber er ist wie ein armes mannes Jack Black. Wies Jack Black diese rolle zuruck? Reinfalle Kevin James herum viel! Ha ha! Er ist liebenswert, abert ich bin nicht ich mag ihn sicher. Ich wurde in das aufpassen dieses an der schule betrogen. Ja, erhielt ich zahlend diesen film aufzupassen. Ha ha!

On the Beach

Feel-good film of 1959

Rating: 17/20 (Dylan: 8/20)

Plot: The Cold War swings into action and almost immediately ends. Now, thanks to radiation, everybody's going to die. Stupid people. An American submarine reaches Australia where they wait anxiously for news about whether the radiation cloud will reach them. The last men and women on earth confront their impending doom in various ways.

I love it when a movie can be removed far from the context in which it was first seen (1950's Cold War fears) and still retain relevancy. On the Beach has an interesting story and characters anyway, but to me, its greatness is in the many great moments that it has. When Peck's character talks about his family for the first time, the cock-eyed camera visually reminding us what a cock-eyed world we live in, he's acting straight from the heart. Dylan told me while we were watching this that Gregory Peck is the 5th best actor of all time, (Two video game voice actors and Keifer Sutherland are ahead of him.) and he is really good in this, a perfect blend of nearly-submerged melancholy and tired hope. That scene is his best in the film. Every second of the scene in San Francisco is pitch perfect. Each member of the crew takes his turn peeking through the periscope, ending with the rhythmic clang of the periscope's handle and tears in his eyes, is a moving scene, and the submarine drifting away from the guy who decided to stay behind is another memorable, great scene. The Grand Prix race (and the after-effects in Julian's garage) is really well done. The look on Julian's face captures this perfect bittersweetness, such a hopeless fulfillment of a dream. The last image of the movie is also fantastic. Well-acted from top to bottom and shot with some great details (loved the bicycles). That sure was a roomy submarine though, wasn't it? And I could go without hearing "Waltzing Matilda" for a very long time.

Dumb and Dumber

1994 comedy

Rating: 9/20

Plot: Harry and Lloyd (Harold Lloyd?) are two idiots who dream of opening up their own pet store. Unfortunately, they can't keep jobs and are having trouble saving up the money. One day, Lloyd drops off a beautiful woman at the airport. When he sees that she forgets her briefcase, he retrieves it. The friends make plans to drive a dog van to Aspen to find the woman and give her back her briefcase. Hot on their (in this case literal) tail are a couple criminals who also want the briefcase. When they get to Aspen, a love triangle develops.

Anne McInslop is the person with whom I have been friends the longest. She likes W.C. Fields and the Marx Brothers, and when she was shocked that I had never seen her favorite movie, Dumb and Dumber, I figured it was probably worth checking out. As a result, our friendship is now over. Jim Carrey is very Jim Carrey in this role. He's good at this sort of thing even if I don't think this sort of thing is anything worth being good at. He's made a ton of money doing exactly that sort of thing, so I doubt anything he might read here will hurt his feelings. The comedy is just loudly juvenile and too obvious. Jeff Daniels completely transforms himself here and does a good enough job, but I can tell during a few scenes in this movie that he's regretting the decision to do take this part. You can see it in his eyes. I see those eyes every day when I look in a mirror at school, so I know exactly what regretful eyes look like. I had two good laughs--one during their protagonists' rendition of "Mama's Gonna Buy You a Mockingbird" and another after a line about John Denver. But there were far more moments that gave me good groans. I'm not attempting to think of this in the context of the mid-90's. Maybe diarrhea was original and funny fifteen years ago. To make matters worse, this movie also has a real pet peeve of mine--Harland Williams. I don't know what it is about him (it might be the sideburns), but whenever I see him, I want to punch the screen. A good friend, it seems, would know that. You hear that, Anne McInslop? A good friend would know that!

The Cannonball Run

1981 comedy

Rating: 4/20 (Jen: 2/20, although she didn't pay attention enough to catch the intricate genius of The Cannonball Run)

Plot: Based on a real event, The Cannonball Run tells the story of some highway scofflaws and degenerates trying to win an illegal cross-country automobile race. Showing this movie in theaters should have probably been illegal, too.

Criminally unfunny. From the blooper clips shown during the closing credits of this piece of crap, it looks like the cast is having a good time. That's good because I can't imagine the audience having a good time at all. A lot of supposedly talented people are involved, but other than the genius of Burt Reynolds' mustache and Farrah Fawcett's assets, there's not much to appreciate. I like to think of this movie as a recipe: You add the comic stylings of Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise, sprinkle in a little Farrah Fawcett and a couple other babes, pour in the timeless comedic talents of Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., add a pinch of Jackie Chan in a hatchback, throw in some mindless explosions and silly slapstick, top with the endlessly hilarious Terry Bradshaw and the stuttering Mel Tillis, and let simmer for what seems to be five days and you end up with. . .well, I don't know. Something you'd rather eat than watch, I guess. There's not a laugh to be had here. The bits don't work, but in The Cannonball Run, they're given a chance to work again and again which, of course, just makes you sick to your stomach. I might be wrong here, but I think some of the people associated with this movie might have used pseudonyms to escape what would have to be the inevitable end of their careers. David Shamroy Hamburger? Frank Bueno? Snuff Garnett? Come on! Those aren't real people!

Some Shane trivia: I first saw this movie at the Indiana Theater in Terre Haute, Indiana, making this the second worst movie I ever saw at that theater. All I remembered about the experience were the dozens of bats flapping over our heads though. Actually, now that I think about it, it may have been the sequel that I saw at the Indiana. That brings up a question, by the way. How could anybody have thought a sequel to this was a good idea?

The Palm Beach Story

1942 romantic comedy

Rating: 16/20 (Jen: 14/20)

Plot: Life after Tom and Gerry's marriage has not quite been happily ever after. They're struggling financially and about to lose their apartment. Luckily, a hard-of-hearing Wienie King, gives Gerry seven hundred bucks. When Tom comes home, he doesn't quite buy the story of the Wienie King, and it leads to an argument. Gerry decides to go to Palm Beach to get a divorce. Her husband races to stop her.

Possibly the most befuddling opening credits of all time. It's just a little more befuddling than the end of the movie. This has some great eccentric characters, my favorite being the Frenchman Toto, and lots of Sturgian oddball moments, moments that would never ever happen in real life but are definitely hilarious on the screen. Snappy dialogue and a ludicrous story make this a fast-paced, fun romantic comedy. Mary Astor pops in near the end of the movie as a bazillionaire's sister and nearly steals the show. The other performances are very good, too, though McCrea, playing a straight man of a husband, is hard to notice. There's an almost stream-of-conscious style to Sturges comedies, like trains dangerously close to falling off the tracks, that makes them deliriously entertaining. They're definitely addictive. And how can you not love a movie with a Wienie King in it?

Abbott and Costello Go to Mars

1953 comedy

Rating: 7/20

Plot: Oddly, they don't go to Mars. The bumbling duo accidentally steal a rocket and go to New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Then, after being hijacked by escaped convicts, they end up on a Venus inhabited by a bunch of feminists, but there's no Mars at all.

Nowhere near as funny as Troll 2. Actually, I laughed a single time, but that was only because the Lou Costello dummy they used to flop around in the rocket during take-off was much skinnier than the real Lou Costello. Stale stuff, and I can't actually imagine this not being dated comedy even in 1953. I might check out Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein which I think is supposed to be a much better movie, but I'm not really excited about it. How can you have a movie set partially in Mardi Gras and not feature exposed breasts? I was on the edge of my seat waiting for Lou to take off his shirt.

Lou Costello is the portlier of the two, right?